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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:51:18
It seems like 90% of the psychological problems people manifest are coping mechanisms for some trauma or fear. No one teaches them the mechanism they end up using... it's relatively "natural." That being the case, why hasn't nature provided for us to naturally develop *decent* coping skills? I mean, evolution has provided us with useful stuff like reflexes to get out of the way of sudden harm, laughter to help us enjoy conceptual incongruity, and shock that lets us float away from immediate trauma without undue pain. Still, when it comes to the intense and even mild abuse of the everyday world, we uniformly develop self-destructive, snowballing, bad habits without any instruction. Maybe someday when we don't have tailbones anymore...
Posted by WorryGirl on December 11, 2002, at 15:10:45
In reply to How come coping mechanisms are never healthy?, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:51:18
Eddie,
I have to wonder if our coping mechanisms, or lack of good ones, are something we are either born with or not.But it almost seems like maybe as much as 75% of our personality is "learned" behavior.
Example: If I were treated well by my peers from the time I was young and had never experienced any real rejection or trauma, would I be the same person? Probably not.
Let's say that as an adult I still experienced rude salespeople, bullies in the workplace and physical/sexual abuse (just as I have in my present life, but without the childhood rejection). Would I cope with these events the same way I do now? Probably not.
If I had a secure, accepting childhood I believe I would handle these occurrences as such:
1) Rude salespeople - I might seem a bit bewildered, but wouldn't take it personally.
2) Bullies in the workplace - I would confront them with their behavior immediately. If that didn't help, I would go to higher powers, no questions asked.
3) Sexual/physical abuse - I wouldn't allow it to happen a second time. I would refuse to see the person until they took steps to work on their problem. In some cases, I would call the police immediately.I do feel that if I was a different person, who had a past that nurtured more confidence, these things would not be as likely to happen to me (although bad things often happen to good and unlikely people).
My usual coping mechanism:
When I feel I am being attacked, my logical mind briefly tells me what is reality, but my emotions completely envelop me and take over my logical impulses and everything gets distorted. The resulting coping mechanism is that I almost become paralyzed, and can barely think, move or speak.In closing, I handle larger stresses MUCH more effectively. It's the really stupid small stuff that eats me up. What a waste...
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 16:28:50
In reply to Re: How come coping mechanisms are never healthy?, posted by WorryGirl on December 11, 2002, at 15:10:45
> Let's say that as an adult I still experienced rude salespeople, bullies in the workplace and physical/sexual abuse (just as I have in my present life, but without the childhood rejection). Would I cope with these events the same way I do now? Probably not.
------------------------You're right about that. Bullies and whatnot don't hold enough sway necessarily to make someone resort to coping mechanisms (especially to a healthy adult), but your parents did. In this case, I would argue that they're the ones that caused you to develop the need for coping mechanisms (insecurity, esteem issues), not the later abuses. If you weren't instilled with those feelings before the bullies came around, you'd probably act differently. I would ask why your parent's rejection didn't spur you to naturally conclude that your parents were wrong (or something else more adaptive), instead of concluding that you're the defective one. Why did we evolve to use self-destructive explainations and methods to deal with things?
> In closing, I handle larger stresses MUCH more effectively. It's the really stupid small stuff that eats me up. What a waste...
---------------Maybe there is something to nature's plan, then. In true crunch times, you act constructively. :)
Posted by coral on December 11, 2002, at 16:55:36
In reply to Re: How come coping mechanisms are never healthy? » WorryGirl, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 16:28:50
What a fascinating question! My guess is that it has to do with the traumas occurring when our brains/emotional make-up is still forming. You're right that so many coping mechanisms are destructive. Maybe it's the best our immature minds can conjure --- I was sexually assaulted when I was four. As an adult, dealing with the issue in therapy, I FIRST recalled two attackers - the neighbor I knew and a stranger. In a VERY safe environment with my therapist, I realized there was only one attacker. According to my therapist, my subconscious mind created the second attacker because I couldn't comprehend that someone I'd trusted so implicitly had been so violent.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 17:30:24
In reply to How come coping mechanisms are never healthy?, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 11, 2002, at 14:51:18
I think coping mechanisms can be healthy, in fact lots of people demonstrate them. They're just not called coping mechanisms because the idea of pathology doesn't enter the picture.
Say two kids are raised in similar parents with abusive parents who belittle them and tell them they'll never amount to anyone. One child grows up to overachieve, becoming a brilliant math scholar. Oh, and he's got a fabulous sense of humor. He's using coping mechanisms. He uses his pain to drive him to accomplishment. He develops humor to deal with difficult situations. But no one calls them coping mechanisms.
The other child grows up to drink too much and repress his emotions. Those they call coping mechanisms. Therapists try to help us replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthy ones. In fact, I think the rule is to never deprive a patient of one coping mechanism unless you have another one in place to substitute.
Posted by trouble on December 13, 2002, at 18:39:39
In reply to Re: How come coping mechanisms are never healthy? » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 17:30:24
Repression is the chief defense mechanism and it is deemed healthy. Denial is too. The things we do to keep from rioting in the streets are largely unconscious and necessary for civilization to continue in all its glory.
Rioting in the street is acting out, very unhealthy, sublimation keeps us in line, ie:
defense mechanism, ie: healthy. I think too much.love, trouble
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