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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
still trying to change that. Now please, stop this and go back to your lives.
Posted by Kath on December 10, 2002, at 14:33:07
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Not a chance, Tina - sorry.
Thanks for letting us know you're alive. I think what has happened in the past days is a 'taste' of how you have a positive impact on others' lives. Please know that if you DO decide to freeze yourself to death or do any other method, we will NOT be able to just "stop that" & go on with our lives unscathed.
I love you ((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))) Kath
> still trying to change that. Now please, stop this and go back to your lives.
Posted by Ted on December 10, 2002, at 16:05:24
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Posted by Racer on December 10, 2002, at 16:08:04
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
> still trying to change that. Now please, stop this and go back to your lives.
It's good to see you, tina, and I'm glad you're looking outside yourself! After all, you wouldn't be ordering us around otherwise, right? ;-)
Now that the welcome is over with, how about answering one -- and only one -- question for me? Here it is, answer it or don't just as it suits you:
Tina, have you told your pdoc about your plans for the future?
(Question two would be, "If not, why not?", but I promised you only one.
Sending strong thoughts north to you.
Posted by Dinah on December 10, 2002, at 16:39:26
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Like it or not.
Thanks for letting us know.
Dinah
Posted by Mr Cushing on December 10, 2002, at 17:51:13
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Tina, even though I don't know you very well, you need to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a short term problem. Not only can you not take it back once you've accomplished it, but you'll also be spreading your pain around on just about everybody else in your life. Most of these people on the board are already panicking because they think they're about to lose you. If you have this kind of affect on people over the "net", think about all of those that will suffer that are close to you in the real-world. You won't necessarily be getting rid of the pain that you're going through, you'll just be passing it on to everybody that cares about you.Just think of a second about somebody that you love. Husband, friend, family member, etc. whomever. And think about what would happen to you if something like what you're thinking about happened to them. You'll be affecting them in the same way and you can't just expect them to be able to go on with their lives and forget about you. Being Bi-Polar is definitely a curse if you allow it to become one, but you can also use it as a gift once you've learned to control it. I'm kind of going through that right now by myself.
The main thing though is that you have to fight this. You've made it this far in life dealing with this disorder so you've already proved that you're a survivor. You just need to dig down deep into your inner core and find that one piece of you that still wants to live and try to bring that part of you to the surface.
Once you're able to accomplish that, I would tell either my Doctor or somebody else whom I trusted exactly what was going on. Suicidal thoughts are simply a part of our disorder. However, there are medications that will take that part away from you relatively easily. When I came off of Effexor, just to see how well my MS was working and what would happen (I'm too curious), I found myself spinning down into a depression and thinking to myself how much easier it would be to just be dead. I told my Doctor and she gave me some Celexa and the next day I felt quite a bit better. There has to be something out there that will work the same with you. That will stop the thoughts but it will still be quite the battle to get back to where you want to be. However, you can just look at this board and see that there's like a dozen people that are all willing to fight it with you. I'm willing to bet that you've got quite a few people on the outside too that are willing to do just about anything for you.
And if you're doubting whether or not you still want to live... just think that you just posted today a notice letting people know that you were still alive. Why? Most likely because you realized that you were causing quite the commotion on this board. You care about these people and don't want them worrying about you. That's coming from that part of you that still wants to live. Otherwise, why would you care what a bunch of other people thought? You need to focus on that part of you and bring it to the surface long enough to take the appropriate action to get yourself better. And as soon as you're willing and ready to get back into the battle, you know that there's going to be a lot of people fighting with and for you.
Posted by Mashogr8 on December 10, 2002, at 18:07:30
In reply to Re: alive » tina, posted by Mr Cushing on December 10, 2002, at 17:51:13
Posted by Miller on December 10, 2002, at 18:58:15
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Tina,
I promised I wouldn't post because I made such a mess of the last one. I just wanted to say that I, for one, am glad you are alive.
I have made such a mess of my life in the last 5 days. After I posted the "Message from Hell", I felt horrible. I was So afraid that I sent you further into despair.
To you, I am sorry. It was never my intention. I really want you to know that you are not alone. I now understand that this site is to be supportive more than anything. I was truly trying to let you know some of us are in the same place.
I am in no position to give you advise. However, I will tell you that on Friday I tried (not hard enough) to release my anger forever. The police were called. I HAD to be taken to the local Mental Health Complex. Instead of taking advantage of the help and expertise of the people there, I was angry and mean to them.
Now I am sitting here wondering why I didn't just "spill it" when I had the chance. Who was I protecting? If I was really going to die, did it matter if I let it all out?
I realize that the reason I didn't let it all out was that there is a little piece of human nature that has self-preservation as it's only function. I was unable to kill myself because of it. I was also, aware (but didn't recognize it at the time) that if I let it ALL out, my protection was gone.
I have made the decision to go to my psychologist appointment on Thursday and talk as frankly as I can about everything. Before I make another choice to kill myself, I will at least take another look at the options. If there is self-preservation that I didn't know about, what else is hidden inside me waiting to come out? Contentment? Peace?
Tina, can YOU make a commitment to take another honest look to see if this is your last option? If nothing else, the people on this site would feel much better. They are certainly worried about you. You have become very important to them. The way they jumped to protect you is amazing.
One last thing. Every time someone points out a person who loves or likes me, I push the thought out by saying "they really don't KNOW me". So, if, at this point, you are saying the same thing right now - you are wrong. These people know you very well. On this site you have given yourself to all the people in need. Your friends here would not have protected you if you didn't contribute to their well-being.
Tina, find peace.
-Miller
Posted by bluedog on December 10, 2002, at 22:32:36
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Tina
We have not had contact through on PB before and I have not made any contributions to the posts that have been made on this topic until now because I felt it was much more appropriate that the posts be made by those that know you well.
HOWEVER, Tina I had been reading all the related posts with an increasing sense of HORROR and DREAD.
When I read your post when I woke up this morning I hit an immediate HIGH. I must have had such an intense rush of endorphins, dopamine, seratonin and all those other feel good chemicals all at once that no drug has EVER given me before and I felt an immediate lift in a depression that was starting to descend back down on me.
WOW WHAT A RUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I live in Australia way on the other side of the world to you in Canada so you can see that you are important to and have an affect on people the world over!!!!
By the way you should come and visit here for a while because the temperature is much safer for you here (today it is 38 degrees centigrade or 100 degrees on the old farenheit scale)
I send you my very warmest regards :) :)
bluedog
Posted by Rach on December 10, 2002, at 22:58:22
In reply to Re: alive » tina, posted by bluedog on December 10, 2002, at 22:32:36
I should have realised from your posting name, but no, silly me didn't know that you are a fellow Aussie. You must be north somewhere, though, because in good ole Victoria it is, of course, raining.
Deb R posts sometimes (mainly on PB2000) and she is also Australian. Any others lurking out there?
Posted by IsoM on December 11, 2002, at 2:11:18
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Tina, I know we've bothered you by our persistent posts asking about your welfare, but you know we care. If we didn't love & value you, we wouldn't keep pestering you. And I think you must care too or you wouldn't have posted back to us.
I don't think I can say much more than others have already written. When Miller first posted to you, I was horrified with the post. But this time, Miller's last post perhaps says it best. There's a lot of insight there. She's been close to ending it as you know & I hope her message reaches you. Please stay with us, Tina.
Posted by IsoM on December 11, 2002, at 2:16:03
In reply to Tina, I promised I wouldn't post, BUT...., posted by Miller on December 10, 2002, at 18:58:15
Miller, I misjudged your other post on suicide. This post speaks much more about you. Stay here with us on PB. Our emotions may run high at times, but it's because we care for each other. You could use the company here & would be very welcome.
All of us have to start new when we first post. And many of us 'say' the wrong thing from time to time. No one thinks unkind of you since you explained your perspective before. We don't want to lose Tina but we don't want you gone too. Give us a chance to know you better, okay?
Posted by bluedog on December 11, 2002, at 10:21:11
In reply to Fellow Aussie! » bluedog, posted by Rach on December 10, 2002, at 22:58:22
> I should have realised from your posting name, but no, silly me didn't know that you are a fellow Aussie. You must be north somewhere, though, because in good ole Victoria it is, of course, raining.
>
> Deb R posts sometimes (mainly on PB2000) and she is also Australian. Any others lurking out there?Hi Rach.
I'm actually in the West and not the north!!!!!
My posting name was actually a play on words which I'll explain as follows:
1. I'm a dog lover thus the reference to "dog" in my posting name
2. The good old Australian dog is the "Blue" heeler.
3. I suffer from depression thus I feel "Blue"
4. True Aussies are referred to as True "Blue" as in the John Williamson song used so often in commercials to advertise aussie products.I amalgamated all these elements to come to my posting name of bluedog.
What a shame that it is raining in Victoria today!!! You must live in Melbourne (the city renowned for being able to have 4 seasons in one day!!!). I was born in Melbourne and lived there for the first 5 years of my life. I still have family in Melbourne!!!
best wishes
bluedog
Posted by Ginjoint on December 11, 2002, at 19:41:58
In reply to alive, posted by tina on December 10, 2002, at 14:25:54
Tina, I hardly know who you are, and yet, I was really scared for you. I wish I could invite you over and wrap my favorite blanket around your shoulders. Then I would just listen.
Your friend in Chicago,
Ginjoint
Posted by Deb R on December 13, 2002, at 5:34:28
In reply to Re: Fellow Aussie! » Rach, posted by bluedog on December 11, 2002, at 10:21:11
Hey Bluedog,
I am from the West too - knew you must have been when you said that it was 38 the other day. Man it was hot, both Wed and Thurs....today has been nice and cool though!
Nice to see another Aussie here - thought that Rach and I were the only ones!
Best wishes,
Deb.
Posted by bluedog on December 13, 2002, at 22:44:23
In reply to Re: Fellow Aussie!, posted by Deb R on December 13, 2002, at 5:34:28
And also congratulations on your new job!!! As posted in the link down below.
regards
bluedog
Posted by Deb R on December 14, 2002, at 9:53:25
In reply to I think Alara is also Aussie! Am I right Alara???, posted by bluedog on December 13, 2002, at 22:44:23
Cool, four of us so far! Its an Aussie invasion!
Deb.
This is the end of the thread.
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