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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Anna Laura on December 7, 2002, at 7:03:16
DEATH CAN WAIT
Tina
I just got out from a suicidal period (that's why i didn't post about the issue).
I know that death can be like a door, a hidden door that stands in the shadow and you didn't notice before.And you want to open it, leaving all he chaos and pain behind;
I didn't want to hear phrases like: "AAAHHH! Call your pdoc" or "You'll feel better, you see" or worse: "Life can be O.K. with depression".
I just wanted to sleep endlessly not to be awake, not to think. That's what i did actually; i just slept.
The only reason why i didn't kill myself is that i've come to realize that life is short; life is so short that i could be waiting a little longer, it wouldn't make any difference.
We all die at the end, sooner or later. Death is not a selective illness that hit someone and spare others. We'll all be dead one day.
And ten years can pass away in a minute: it's just a matter of time perception.So i decided to keep on going just to have the last kiss, the last taste from life; didn't want to die defeated, lifeless, meaningless. May be other days will rise, out of this permanent night; but i want to see dawn rising one more time, my body as a whole, want to make love again, want to laugh again, want to feel strong again, i want to see that soft white light embracing everything again and sensing all the smells, feelings and emotions i have forgotten: Death can wait.
Posted by ROO on December 7, 2002, at 11:27:28
In reply to DEATH CAN WAIT, posted by Anna Laura on December 7, 2002, at 7:03:16
I know this post is for Tina, but I"m just curious,
as I've been going through a suicidal period for the
past 7 months or so...how long did yours last?
I'm just wondering how many other people maybe that are
out there that go through suicidal periods that pass...how
long they last...I feel like this is going to last forever
and that what makes me want to end it...the only thing that
gives me hope is to think "well maybe people go through a year
or so where they feel suicidal and it passes...."....seems like
a long time to me...but... surely it's happened to other people
and they have made it through? God I hope so. And yes, I'm on freakin'
meds.
Posted by Anna Laura on December 7, 2002, at 13:34:42
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT, posted by ROO on December 7, 2002, at 11:27:28
> I know this post is for Tina, but I"m just curious,
> as I've been going through a suicidal period for the
> past 7 months or so...how long did yours last?
> I'm just wondering how many other people maybe that are
> out there that go through suicidal periods that pass...how
> long they last...I feel like this is going to last forever
> and that what makes me want to end it...the only thing that
> gives me hope is to think "well maybe people go through a year
> or so where they feel suicidal and it passes...."....seems like
> a long time to me...but... surely it's happened to other people
> and they have made it through? God I hope so. And yes, I'm on freakin'
> meds.
>Hi Roo
This last one didn't last long: i was taking Mirapex as an augmenting agent and that worsened my depression.
The longest one i've had lasted for at least two years. It kind of faded away with time. I was taking Tofranil which helped even though i still felt suicidal.hope it helped a little
if you have more questions don't be afraid to ask
loveAnna Laura
Posted by Greg A. on December 8, 2002, at 9:49:23
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT, posted by ROO on December 7, 2002, at 11:27:28
>That's a long time Roo. I admire you for holding on - and I'm glad that you have.
My current 'low enough to be suicidal' period has gone on for a couple of months, or maybe it's more now. I can't quite remember how I felt emotionally before the ECT, but it must have been pretty low to go for that therapy. I seem to have two levels for suicidal thought; one where the idea is there, the plan is in place, but everything is sort of on hold. The other which I have just gotten through (I hope) is where the need for the pain to end is so strong and state of mind is so utterly hopeless that I need friends to pull me back from the edge. That state seems to last a much shorter time.
Anyway Roo, good to hear from you. I think you were the first person I ever talked to on this board.Greg A.
Posted by Mal on December 8, 2002, at 12:42:04
In reply to DEATH CAN WAIT, posted by Anna Laura on December 7, 2002, at 7:03:16
Anna Laura- that is a beautiful , thoughtful message. I hope it makes a difference to Tina and any others who are lost in the pit.
MAL
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 9, 2002, at 10:36:43
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT, posted by ROO on December 7, 2002, at 11:27:28
> I know this post is for Tina, but I"m just curious,
> as I've been going through a suicidal period for the
> past 7 months or so...how long did yours last?
---------------------I had a definite period that lasted about a year. The weird thing is that I still have very brief thoughts, maybe once a week, of suicide. I'll just feel like lying down in a ditch somewhere and dying. It doesn't last more than 30 minutes or so, but it's not the cheeriest thing.
Posted by ROO on December 9, 2002, at 15:22:01
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT » ROO, posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 9, 2002, at 10:36:43
Eddie--
That's kind of what mine is like since I started
antidepressants about 2 months or so ago...it's not
as intense...it's more like this weird, calm, casual
"sure would like to die"....yucky...it used to be a lot
more intense before the ad's....but it's almost spookier now.
A couple of times a week, i'll feel suicidal, sundays, it'll happen
like clockwork. I've never not responded to AD's before, so I'm not
sure why they don't seem to be doing the trick this time. It
makes me feel like I'm just lazy and It's just "my fault", that maybe
I'm just one of those people who expect the drugs to do everything and _I_
need to do something....but I just don't feel like I have any fight in me.
Posted by ROO on December 9, 2002, at 16:15:56
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT Roo, posted by Anna Laura on December 7, 2002, at 13:34:42
Anna Laura....Tell me more about that period...how
are you doing now...what do you think helped make it
pass? I remember your posts from that time period...you
were in bad shape...treatment resistment depression right?
Posted by ROO on December 9, 2002, at 16:19:03
In reply to Re: DEATH CAN WAIT » ROO, posted by Greg A. on December 8, 2002, at 9:49:23
Greg....
I have thought of ECT because the drugs don't seem
to be doing much for the suicidal thoughts...although
they make them less intense. Although ECT, from what I've
read from your posts, has been disappointing? Are you experiecing
your worst depression ever?
This is the end of the thread.
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