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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Last saturday I lost a friend to mental illness. Wednesday was her funeral and it was beautiful and perfect, like her.
I took friday off and went to the cemetery to 'talk' with her. I brought her yellow and white roses. It was cold and sleet fell around me but I felt strangely good.....tranquil. She is buried in the shade of a very large oak tree and as I sat by her side, I found I wasn't at all cold. The breeze stirred the branches of that great oak and leaves cascaded softly down almost reaching the earth but were whisked away again by a sudden change in the wind. I talked to her and sat with her for over an hour. I felt more connected to her now that she's gone than when she was here......that's strange isn't it?
I have been reflecting on my own life since her passing and I have come to the conclusion that I will not die that way. This illness will not beat me. I may not have the rosey fairytale but I will find some purpose, some fulfillment...somewhere, somehow. That is the gift she has given me.
Living with purpose will be my gift to her.
With immense gratitude......thank you sweet K.
I will never forget.......
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2002, at 22:18:12
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
I'm truly sorry about your friend, Tina.
I think it is quite a tribute to her that you choose to do something life affirming in her honor.
In sympathy,
Dinah
Posted by IsoM on November 17, 2002, at 1:58:02
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Tina, you're amazing. To have lost a friend & gained such insight is special. I'm sorry for your loss - & yes, it is strange to feel more connected with her now, but that may have more to do with the place you've reached in your mind & heart than her being gone. I'm glad you had time with her alone by her grave to reach your understanding. What you wrote is beautiful & somehow calming.
I'm really proud of you that you've decided that your life will not end like hers. Not that she copped out. I've lost a friend to suicide & she died in a very horrible way. I can't begin to imagine the depth of her pain to take her life in the manner she did. With your friend & with mine, Michelle, both have thankfully found peace now.
What you wrote about your determination is a lot like what my youngest (almost 21) said to me. He'd been suicidal, off & on, for a few years & was hospitalised because of that for a while. But he said essentially the same as you said. It gave me strength & made me proud of his determination.
And in the same way, though I do not know you well, I'm very proud of you. Peace.
Posted by utopizen on November 17, 2002, at 2:33:20
In reply to Re: In Memoriam » tina, posted by IsoM on November 17, 2002, at 1:58:02
Your story is very inspirational.
I have a dog who suffers from separation anxiety disorder. It's strange, but I can really relate to my dog's anxiety, in a way my parents cannot. I've asked for him to go on Clomipramizine (Clomicalm) but they don't think it's necessary.
I think you would find it rewarding to visit an animal shelter and volunteer their to walk dogs. It really helped me find a lot about myself when I started, because you begin to realize a lot of our suffering is universally endured through other animals. And they can pick up on your problems too, as is evident from the dogs during 9/11 that were trained to seek out rescue workers that showed signs of distress. The dogs looked for these people, and offered their affection.
Such subtle bonds we find before despair
Through the sanction of a friend,
found at the snapping of the leash we extend
will let us bear the burden we all share
Posted by ShelliR on November 17, 2002, at 8:03:44
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Tina,
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings with us.
Your post is one of the beautiful treasures that I have ever found on PB.Comfort and love,
Shelli
Posted by Gabbix2 on November 17, 2002, at 11:25:43
In reply to Re: In Memoriam » tina, posted by ShelliR on November 17, 2002, at 8:03:44
Tina,
Thank-you
Posted by Ted on November 17, 2002, at 12:18:40
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Hi Tina,
Please accept my sympathy. Your post is beautiful. It has shown us both that you DO have something to live for.
Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.
Ted
Posted by Tabitha on November 17, 2002, at 16:39:50
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Tina, Thanks for the reminder of how we can draw inspiration from a tragic loss.
Posted by shar on November 17, 2002, at 22:26:49
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
What a wonderful tribute to your friend, to choose life. I, for selfish reasons, am glad, because I want you here. I'm so sorry, though, that you lost your dear friend. Sympathy and hugs, I'll be thinking of you.
Shar
Posted by Greg A. on November 17, 2002, at 23:47:02
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Beautifully put Tina. I admire your resolve to honour your friend by living. I hope I am able to be as strong.
Greg
Posted by coral on November 18, 2002, at 8:59:19
In reply to In Memoriam, posted by tina on November 16, 2002, at 18:50:38
Dear Tina:
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and impressed with how you've handled it so admirably. What a marvelous tribute to your friend.
Coral
Posted by tina on November 18, 2002, at 18:22:35
In reply to Re: In Memoriam, posted by coral on November 18, 2002, at 8:59:19
Thank you to all of you for your sympathies and kind thoughts.
It's strange that the thought of my friend brings tears AND smiles. My heart doesn't shrink when I think of her, it swells instead with love and fond remembrance. I believe she has gifted me with faith. The faith that I have been searching for all my life. I always thought I believed in God and heaven and a life after death. My grandmother instilled it in my brother and I and took us to church whenever we were staying with her. But, inside, I always had some doubts, questions. How could there really be a God when there is so much pain and suffering in the world?
What is strange is that a person whom I KNEW suffered so deeply, was in so much pain for so long and sought freedom from it by taking her own life, is the one who has strengthened my faith. My life has been so altered by her death. From the grave she reached down into the dark pit that had been my home for so long and lit a candle. She stretched out her hand and took mine and lifted me out into the sun. It's up to me from here but she has given me a reason to be on solid ground again.
I wish I could really convey what I feel inside. The sadness is slowly being replaced with something else. Something secret and special, personal and profound. I think this is what it's like to feel peace and it's wonderful.
Someday I will see her again and I will walk up to her and thank her....for giving me back my life.
Posted by Gabbix2 on November 18, 2002, at 19:28:15
In reply to It's strange....., posted by tina on November 18, 2002, at 18:22:35
It is strange.
I suppose though, the fact that we exist at all is kind of strange..Tina, you said you wished you could convey what you felt inside. I don't know what else you could be feeling, what you said was so much and so beautifully put. It too, made my heart break while I smiled. I caught a glimpse of you as well and I thank you for that.
This is the end of the thread.
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