Posted by tina on November 18, 2002, at 18:22:35
In reply to Re: In Memoriam, posted by coral on November 18, 2002, at 8:59:19
Thank you to all of you for your sympathies and kind thoughts.
It's strange that the thought of my friend brings tears AND smiles. My heart doesn't shrink when I think of her, it swells instead with love and fond remembrance. I believe she has gifted me with faith. The faith that I have been searching for all my life. I always thought I believed in God and heaven and a life after death. My grandmother instilled it in my brother and I and took us to church whenever we were staying with her. But, inside, I always had some doubts, questions. How could there really be a God when there is so much pain and suffering in the world?
What is strange is that a person whom I KNEW suffered so deeply, was in so much pain for so long and sought freedom from it by taking her own life, is the one who has strengthened my faith. My life has been so altered by her death. From the grave she reached down into the dark pit that had been my home for so long and lit a candle. She stretched out her hand and took mine and lifted me out into the sun. It's up to me from here but she has given me a reason to be on solid ground again.
I wish I could really convey what I feel inside. The sadness is slowly being replaced with something else. Something secret and special, personal and profound. I think this is what it's like to feel peace and it's wonderful.
Someday I will see her again and I will walk up to her and thank her....for giving me back my life.
poster:tina
thread:32390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021106/msgs/32474.html