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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bonnie_ann on December 21, 2001, at 19:31:47
What does it mean if someone says "good morning or hello" and you don't want to reply? I'm mostly quiet and invloved in my own thoughts and concentrating on all the work I have to do. These are people that I don't like for one reason or another - I guess I hold grudges. Maybe I think I'm better than them or something. But when It comes to my son's classmates parents- I get bent because no one ever wants to have a conversation with me. I really really suck at small talk and feel like they these women/men are judging me how I look how I act how I raise my son etc etc.
I think this has something to do from being teased and treated like crapt by so called friends in school.
They never held back what they thougt!!!And a it seemed like more people didn't like me than did. I never really had a friend I could trust. I have a therapist now- which is way overdue.
So I mostly observe my surroundings- and when spoken to about something that interests/ or someone interesting I am almost normal.
Is this what depression is?
Thanks,
Bonnie
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2001, at 19:36:03
In reply to Am I depressed?, posted by bonnie_ann on December 21, 2001, at 19:31:47
I don't know, Bonnie. Depression wears a lot of faces, including irritability. I do know that being teased in school has a much greater impact on kids' current and future mental health than adults used to believe. I'm so glad that bullying is now beginning to be seen as the problem it is.
I'm glad you have found a therapist and can work on some of these problems. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now.
Take care,
Dinah
Posted by mist on December 22, 2001, at 22:10:50
In reply to Am I depressed?, posted by bonnie_ann on December 21, 2001, at 19:31:47
bonnie ann -
I don't know if what you describe is in and of itself depression. For me, depression is characterized by a feeling of doom, hopelessness, and despair as well as reduced motivation, drive, energy, and confidence. I think the experience varies from individual to individual though. It sounds like what you experience in relating to other people might be at least in part social anxiety and/or social avoidance. These problems can contribute to depression (they do in my case) and being depressed can make them harder to manage or change. -mist
> What does it mean if someone says "good morning or hello" and you don't want to reply? I'm mostly quiet and invloved in my own thoughts and concentrating on all the work I have to do. These are people that I don't like for one reason or another - I guess I hold grudges. Maybe I think I'm better than them or something. But when It comes to my son's classmates parents- I get bent because no one ever wants to have a conversation with me. I really really suck at small talk and feel like they these women/men are judging me how I look how I act how I raise my son etc etc.
> I think this has something to do from being teased and treated like crapt by so called friends in school.
> They never held back what they thougt!!!And a it seemed like more people didn't like me than did. I never really had a friend I could trust. I have a therapist now- which is way overdue.
> So I mostly observe my surroundings- and when spoken to about something that interests/ or someone interesting I am almost normal.
> Is this what depression is?
> Thanks,
> Bonnie
Posted by Gracie2 on December 31, 2001, at 14:56:54
In reply to Am I depressed?, posted by bonnie_ann on December 21, 2001, at 19:31:47
I don't think you're depressed at all (unless you're holding back details). I think you're worried about not "fitting in".
I also do not "fit in". I loathe small talk. I avoid crowds, which means concerts, parties and bars. I was probably the first person on earth to own a Caller ID. My idea of Hell is one never-ending babyshower. I do not encourage friendship with my neighbors because I don't want them "dropping in". I'm content with the few friends I have who respect my wishes and I'm still close to most of my family, although I have lost contact with family and friends who find me
"anti-social". So be it. As far as I'm concerned, a true friend accepts you as you are, quirks and all.
I don't particularly dislike people, but the things I prefer to do are solitary things. I paint and write and read avidly. I work on my 100-year-old house and refinish furniture. I'm much, much happier working on one of my projects than standing around some boring cocktail party watching people get drunk and gossip about other people. This always makes me feel as if I am not the abnormal person in that room.
This outlook has come with maturity. In my 20s and early 30s, I wanted desperately to be popular and "fit in". I was always unhappy, because that was not me. You have one life, you must find your niche, and screw what other people think. ;-)
Gracie
Posted by bonnie_ann on January 1, 2002, at 14:51:42
In reply to Re: Am I depressed?, posted by Gracie2 on December 31, 2001, at 14:56:54
>
> I don't think you're depressed at all (unless you're holding back details). I think you're worried about not "fitting in".
> I also do not "fit in". I loathe small talk. I avoid crowds, which means concerts, parties and bars. I was probably the first person on earth to own a Caller ID. My idea of Hell is one never-ending babyshower. I do not encourage friendship with my neighbors because I don't want them "dropping in". I'm content with the few friends I have who respect my wishes and I'm still close to most of my family, although I have lost contact with family and friends who find me
> "anti-social". So be it. As far as I'm concerned, a true friend accepts you as you are, quirks and all.
> I don't particularly dislike people, but the things I prefer to do are solitary things. I paint and write and read avidly. I work on my 100-year-old house and refinish furniture. I'm much, much happier working on one of my projects than standing around some boring cocktail party watching people get drunk and gossip about other people. This always makes me feel as if I am not the abnormal person in that room.
> This outlook has come with maturity. In my 20s and early 30s, I wanted desperately to be popular and "fit in". I was always unhappy, because that was not me. You have one life, you must find your niche, and screw what other people think. ;-)
> GracieIt is very true that I don't feel I fit in, especially with other parents in my sons grade.
One good example is - I went on a field trip with my sons class and two other parents. Two mothers were chatting along - I sat with my son- he wanted to sit with me on the bus at the theater. I encouraged him to sit with his friends.
And I think the most we exchanged was Hello and I smiled when they looked my way.
I felt lighted headed and anxious several times. I am on medication- but it still happens.
I kept it together, he was thrilled because I was going.
I just felt so beneath the other mothers. I always want them to come and talk to me. I don't reach out unless I see a real opening. Out of the blue comments are something I am not willing to do. I am socially handicapped. I'm probably what is concerned lower middle class. I'm very concious of my apperance and constantly make comparisons.
So my way of handling it is getting mad or angry and totally ignoring them. It has the outward apperance that I'm stuck up and miserable.
I'm afraid to open my mouth and say something dull stupid or boring. And then have all the mothers making comments about me.
How do I overcome this?
Bonnie
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