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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2001, at 17:03:20
Well, after two weeks on my new dosage of Depakote,I can really say it's working. I am feeling virtually no anxiety or agitation, haven't taken Klonopin for days, and am sleeping just fine. I also don't feel stupid or foggy.
Depakote also seems to be increasing my natural tendencies to dissociate and to feel unconnected to other people, as well as to myself. I am getting the unsettling feeling that everything around me is a movie almost constantly.
Now that I am no longer grounded by anxiety and agitation, I am feeling more and more like an As-If person, an empty shell going about the activities of living.
Is it better to feel miserable but alive? Is there life without anxiety and depression? What can fill that empty space? Is it the anxiety and agitation I miss or the other things that Depakote may have affected? My therapist had a hard time staying awake in session today. I told him that if he could remember that feeling of incredible boredom, he would have a pretty good idea of how I'm feeling this last week or so.
I feel incredibly perverse not to feel grateful that the constant anxiety is gone. How can I possibly miss it? Maybe I just need to learn new ways to function without an overactive nervous system.
Posted by Mitch on November 8, 2001, at 9:56:17
In reply to Help!! My Depakote is working, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2001, at 17:03:20
> Well, after two weeks on my new dosage of Depakote,I can really say it's working. I am feeling virtually no anxiety or agitation, haven't taken Klonopin for days, and am sleeping just fine. I also don't feel stupid or foggy.
> Depakote also seems to be increasing my natural tendencies to dissociate and to feel unconnected to other people, as well as to myself. I am getting the unsettling feeling that everything around me is a movie almost constantly.
> Now that I am no longer grounded by anxiety and agitation, I am feeling more and more like an As-If person, an empty shell going about the activities of living.
> Is it better to feel miserable but alive? Is there life without anxiety and depression? What can fill that empty space? Is it the anxiety and agitation I miss or the other things that Depakote may have affected? My therapist had a hard time staying awake in session today. I told him that if he could remember that feeling of incredible boredom, he would have a pretty good idea of how I'm feeling this last week or so.
> I feel incredibly perverse not to feel grateful that the constant anxiety is gone. How can I possibly miss it? Maybe I just need to learn new ways to function without an overactive nervous system.
Hi Dinah,Sometimes I think anxiety is a distraction or diversion that keeps our minds occupied, while we don't get involved with ordinary things that everybody else enjoys due to the anxiousness. It is kind of like a depression "by-default" (that made sense to me when I wrote it-but now it doesn't-I'll leave it there-I just experienced this Deja Vu feeling that kinked my consciousness:0). When you are all agitated you don't miss enjoying things-you are too busy trying to figure out how to get the agitation to stop!
Mitch
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2001, at 10:07:41
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working » Dinah, posted by Mitch on November 8, 2001, at 9:56:17
I'm afraid it might have just been an initial side effect of the Depakote. I just had a full fledged panic attack at 3 this morning, so I guess the effects won't last. Probably the depersonalization and derealization will wear off too. I just wish I could feel some good feelings again. I remember I used to love fall. It gave me such a lift after the hot oppressive days of summer. It's been over 5 years since I felt that lift.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by wendy b. on November 8, 2001, at 10:17:39
In reply to Help!! My Depakote is working, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2001, at 17:03:20
> Well, after two weeks on my new dosage of Depakote,I can really say it's working. I am feeling virtually no anxiety or agitation, haven't taken Klonopin for days, and am sleeping just fine. I also don't feel stupid or foggy.
> Depakote also seems to be increasing my natural tendencies to dissociate and to feel unconnected to other people, as well as to myself. I am getting the unsettling feeling that everything around me is a movie almost constantly.
> Now that I am no longer grounded by anxiety and agitation, I am feeling more and more like an As-If person, an empty shell going about the activities of living.
> Is it better to feel miserable but alive? Is there life without anxiety and depression? What can fill that empty space? Is it the anxiety and agitation I miss or the other things that Depakote may have affected? My therapist had a hard time staying awake in session today. I told him that if he could remember that feeling of incredible boredom, he would have a pretty good idea of how I'm feeling this last week or so.
> I feel incredibly perverse not to feel grateful that the constant anxiety is gone. How can I possibly miss it? Maybe I just need to learn new ways to function without an overactive nervous system.Dinah,
You describe it so well, I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm on Neurontin for a MS, and I get that feeling, sort of like, well now that I don't have continuous anxiety, what do I want to be when I grow up? What is that 'empty space' you describe all about? I'll bet it's a different kind of emptiness for each of us... But I see what you mean: how do we re-direct ourselves in this new head-space? What looks, feels, tastes, sounds good? How can I help myself move forward, now that I'm not gripped by anxiety all the time?
I'm thinking of asking my pdoc to prescribe Depakote as an adjunct to the Neurontin... for BP II symptoms. What do you think about this? I already know exactly the feelings you describe... but is it 'better' or 'worse' now, for you?
thanks for starting this discussion,
Wendy
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2001, at 10:39:32
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working » Dinah, posted by wendy b. on November 8, 2001, at 10:17:39
Well Wendy,
As I mentioned above, the effects may be starting to wear off. I'll have to wait and see, or maybe increase the Depakote again. I think if they do continue, I'll definitely have to find a new way to relate to the world, or the emptiness will be overwhelming. Dissociation is my usual way of dealing with overwhelming feelings, and I have to stop doing that if the feelings are no longer there.
For what it's worth and of course YMMV, depakote was much better for me than Neurontin. Neurontin made me feel much fuzzier, while I feel more clear headed on Depakote. Depakote also seems to be better for my sleep cycle. I wake up feeling rested. I'm only on 125 mg, though, which is a very low dose.
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2001, at 10:46:37
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working » Dinah, posted by wendy b. on November 8, 2001, at 10:17:39
Oh by the way, I still haven't decided whether it's better or worse.
Posted by Anna laura on November 10, 2001, at 2:16:08
In reply to Help!! My Depakote is working, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2001, at 17:03:20
> Well, after two weeks on my new dosage of Depakote,I can really say it's working. I am feeling virtually no anxiety or agitation, haven't taken Klonopin for days, and am sleeping just fine. I also don't feel stupid or foggy.
> Depakote also seems to be increasing my natural tendencies to dissociate and to feel unconnected to other people, as well as to myself. I am getting the unsettling feeling that everything around me is a movie almost constantly.
> Now that I am no longer grounded by anxiety and agitation, I am feeling more and more like an As-If person, an empty shell going about the activities of living.
> Is it better to feel miserable but alive? Is there life without anxiety and depression? What can fill that empty space? Is it the anxiety and agitation I miss or the other things that Depakote may have affected? My therapist had a hard time staying awake in session today. I told him that if he could remember that feeling of incredible boredom, he would have a pretty good idea of how I'm feeling this last week or so.
> I feel incredibly perverse not to feel grateful that the constant anxiety is gone. How can I possibly miss it? Maybe I just need to learn new ways to function without an overactive nervous system.
Hi DinahI've been in your shoes: i've been suffering from extreme anxiety to the point i got stuck in the throes of absolute horror and i didn't know how to escape that. I was willing to do anything to terminate that pain at that point, so i would take any medication to stop the pain, but it wouldn't work as i wanted to: i would get the total boredom reaction : i would feel like i was dead. Your reaction to depakote is suggesting me that it might not be the right med for you. you don't have to feel guilty if you can't feel good enough: the apathetic mood you're experiencing it's definetely not endurable: it can be even worse then anxiety in the long run: i used to call that effect "hell with air conditioning"; after six months of living like that i quit the medication: i preffered to experience extreme anxiety rather then feeling as i was dead. Beware that some drugs could "switch you off" permanently and make you apathetic in the long run. I would prefer to go on with an oversensitive nervous system if i were you, but it's choiche at the end..
My advice to you is to find a drug that would work enough to eliminate the worst part of anxiety and leave you reactive enough to be able to control and manage anxiety "leftovers".
That's what i did when i had your problem: my pdoc prescribed me imipramine (a Tca that has anxyiolitc propertied).
Good luck
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 8:53:18
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working, posted by Anna laura on November 10, 2001, at 2:16:08
Ah, I missed this thread.
Since my Depakote increase I'm starting to have the same sort of troubles described here. And things that I thought would be fixed, such as drinking, bad health habits, are still there.
I'm beginning to wonder if going the way Anna Laura suggests is better. I am "BPII" but I wonder if an anti-anxiety med would still help overall, maybe with a very small amount of an AD?
I'd like to have more control over how I feel - it seems like that has been given over completely to the med right now.
Thanks for the thread, Dinah. Let us know what happens.
- K.
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2001, at 19:53:04
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working, posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 8:53:18
If it's any help to you, the side effects are definitely wearing off. Of course, so is the excellent sleep and complete lack of anxiety and agitation. I don't think I'm due for another depressive episode for a while, so it will take some time before I know if it's helping with that.
I hope your side effects subside quickly as well.
Dinah
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 21:10:04
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working » Krazy Kat , posted by Dinah on November 15, 2001, at 19:53:04
> Dinah:
I'm sure you know you're on an awfully low dose. Perhaps it needs to be increased slowly?
I don't know anymore - it's all so frustrating.
Good luck.
- K.
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 16, 2001, at 12:30:47
In reply to Re: Help!! My Depakote is working » Dinah, posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 21:10:04
> I'm sure you know you're on an awfully low dose. Perhaps it needs to be increased slowly?
Since it involves a medication issue, I'd like to have this thread redirected to (the original) Psycho-Babble:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011113/msgs/84424.html
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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