![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 5, 2001, at 15:55:44
Greg:
I was wondering, if you don't mind sharing, how your wife has reacted to your recent absistence? Is she supportive? Does she realize that it can be a very difficult thing?
I'm realizing that my hubby is quite aware of my problem and would rather just not talk about it. When I go through these periods of health-consciousness, he seems supportive at first, then gets frustrated as it goes along.
I don't know - just curious.
Thanks!
- K.
Posted by Greg A. on November 5, 2001, at 17:49:11
In reply to Greg + A. - a question re: drinking and marriage, posted by Krazy Kat on November 5, 2001, at 15:55:44
Hi K.
I hesitate to call anyone Krazy on this board.
How has my wife reacted to me not drinking? That is not a simple issue. There’s a lot of background that goes into it.
First, she didn’t notice, believe it or not. Or in the words of Hans and Franz – Hear me now, believe me later – Does that say something about the state of our marriage? One day, about six weeks into sobriety for me, she asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I said we could go but she would be the only one drinking. She said she thought she’d noticed I’d cut down. There have been very few times that she has ever said anything much about my drinking. She drinks occasionally. I’ve found she can get quite tipsy on one glass of wine, where I reach the same state after I finish the bottle and down a six pack. I think she tended to judge my behaviour more than the amount or frequency of my drinking. And I rarely behaved badly or not so that she would notice. She comes from an alcoholic family (her father) and my behaviour does not fit his pattern. He could not keep a job etc. I also think there’s a codependency issue with me where she excuses my drinking and also my depression. She used to make excuses for me all the time. Now, at least with the depression, she is more inclined to tell others the truth, or not allow me to hide in my room.
Anyways, I don’t think she has any idea of how I am struggling with drinking (not). I guess I make it seem easy. I’m sure this reinforces for her that I really don’t have a problem. Perhaps the not talking about it is a carry over from her childhood when no one talked about her dad’s alcoholism. He was just ignored.
Okay – your turn K. Tell me more about your relationship.Greg AA
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 5, 2001, at 18:10:45
In reply to Re: Greg + A. - a question re: drinking and marriage, posted by Greg A. on November 5, 2001, at 17:49:11
Greg A++:
Gee, thanks for sharing that much.
I think mainly as long as I don't say anything, my husband won't say anything. I've noticed this tendency having trouble not drinking recently is at least partly in reaction to situational depression - I really don't want to live where I do - I want to go back to the city. Also, I thought there would be a large difference in our marriage after April. There was - for a little while. Though he does do things like give me more room than before, the arguing is back, the condescencion (I can't spell that word). I am one for romantic love, which is why I married so young. But I look at our marriage and it's built on deceit. And mostly my following him, and resenting it.
I'm having trouble being with him without drinking, but not others, and this is a bad sign, I think.
I also feel as if I never "grew up" because my twenties were spent with a reclusive husband and this illness. I wasn't normal for a second.
My heart is hurting so much.
You are going to have to start charging fees for these consultations. :)
Thanks, Greg.
- K.
P.S. Yes, when the communication wears out and when you aren't noticing the little things anymore, it seems like the relationship is taking a bad turn. But I do believe in sticking with it. I just can't feel anything good about it right now.
Posted by Greg A. on November 6, 2001, at 0:31:06
In reply to Re: Greg + A. - a question re: drinking and marriage » Greg A., posted by Krazy Kat on November 5, 2001, at 18:10:45
Thanks K - for the compliment and for the insight into your life. Do you think a lot of your troubles stem from the relationship or lack of it with your husband? It sounds like a pretty joyless existence to me. Or am I getting the wrong impression? Sticking with it is one thing, but who are you doing it for? You need some happiness, just like we all do. I know that I am often reluctant to make any big changes in my life because any change, whether for better or worse is stressful. And i am always afraid that too much stress will result in a big depression. At some point you have to weigh the pluses an minuses, though.
K - I admire you for hanging in there, but is it worth it?Greg (no charge for crappy advice)
Posted by juliedealer on November 6, 2001, at 17:48:08
In reply to Queen of Perserverence, posted by Greg A. on November 6, 2001, at 0:31:06
Posted by Greg A. on November 6, 2001, at 22:45:11
In reply to hi greg (nm), posted by juliedealer on November 6, 2001, at 17:48:08
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.