Posted by Greg A. on November 5, 2001, at 17:49:11
In reply to Greg + A. - a question re: drinking and marriage, posted by Krazy Kat on November 5, 2001, at 15:55:44
Hi K.
I hesitate to call anyone Krazy on this board.
How has my wife reacted to me not drinking? That is not a simple issue. There’s a lot of background that goes into it.
First, she didn’t notice, believe it or not. Or in the words of Hans and Franz – Hear me now, believe me later – Does that say something about the state of our marriage? One day, about six weeks into sobriety for me, she asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I said we could go but she would be the only one drinking. She said she thought she’d noticed I’d cut down. There have been very few times that she has ever said anything much about my drinking. She drinks occasionally. I’ve found she can get quite tipsy on one glass of wine, where I reach the same state after I finish the bottle and down a six pack. I think she tended to judge my behaviour more than the amount or frequency of my drinking. And I rarely behaved badly or not so that she would notice. She comes from an alcoholic family (her father) and my behaviour does not fit his pattern. He could not keep a job etc. I also think there’s a codependency issue with me where she excuses my drinking and also my depression. She used to make excuses for me all the time. Now, at least with the depression, she is more inclined to tell others the truth, or not allow me to hide in my room.
Anyways, I don’t think she has any idea of how I am struggling with drinking (not). I guess I make it seem easy. I’m sure this reinforces for her that I really don’t have a problem. Perhaps the not talking about it is a carry over from her childhood when no one talked about her dad’s alcoholism. He was just ignored.
Okay – your turn K. Tell me more about your relationship.Greg AA
poster:Greg A.
thread:13527
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13535.html