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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
Hello testosteroners,
Got this problem seem to have aquired an admirer from hospital.
He just aint my type tis more than physical beauty for me that I seek .
Because he has problems and were both in a vunerable state I can't seem to let him down ,hurt his feelings I have no way encouraged him in fact the opposite.
Managed to stop him telephoning daily but he's phoning friday.
Shall I be firm and blame it on mania or say I'm really a transexual man waiting for my op ?
or is honesty the best????
Posted by Phil on September 18, 2001, at 17:02:05
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
>
> Hello testosteroners,
(Yeah, on AD's :^))
I would tell him that you are focusing on your recovery now and that's what you're concentrating on.
Tell him y'all had a unique friendship..yada..yada..yada.Phil
Posted by Adam on September 18, 2001, at 17:23:44
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
This is always a toughie. I've been infatuated. Chances are you've been infatuated. Ever get the "partial letdown" from the object of your affection ("Gee, you're really swell and all, but I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, etc., etc.) which left you simultaneously denied, yet clinging to some hope that _someday_, things might turn around?
Well, I have. I remember, on one occasion, wishing, after the fact, that the person had just come clean and told me that there was no way, no how we were going to get together from the get-go. It was ultimately my fault, waiting around for nothing, but if she had just _told_ me, cleary, rather than beating around the bush, the process would have at least taken less time.
So, as they say, sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. I'm not recommending you slam him or anything. I think it's best to just lay it all out. From what I'm gathering, maybe what you would say is "hey, I think you're a nice, attractive guy, but I just don't have those kinds of feelings for you, and I'm not going to. I'm sorry, but I don't want a romantic relationship with you. I don't want to lead you on, or leave you hanging, so I think it's best I just tell you how I feel now, so you don't waste your time."
There was one instance where I had to say essentially just what I wrote above. Of course, the friendship as it was was permanently damaged. I still wanted to be friends, she wanted more, being around me just made her feel bad, and that was pretty much it. But she stopped sending me notes, and leaving me gifts and phone messages. She stopped inviting me out for movies. I felt relieved of a burden of guilt. Of course, I also missed the attention, I won't deny, and I missed her, but, well, that's the way it had to be.
In less than a year, she was dating somebody, and looked quite happy. It was up to her to move on, and she did. She doesn't seem to have looked back, and darned if there weren't a couple times when I was alone and wondering, did I make a mistake? But I know I didn't, and I'll bet she's happier and much better off now than she would have been with me. Ditto for myself and her. It pays to cut to the chase.
>
> Hello testosteroners,
> Got this problem seem to have aquired an admirer from hospital.
> He just aint my type tis more than physical beauty for me that I seek .
> Because he has problems and were both in a vunerable state I can't seem to let him down ,hurt his feelings I have no way encouraged him in fact the opposite.
> Managed to stop him telephoning daily but he's phoning friday.
> Shall I be firm and blame it on mania or say I'm really a transexual man waiting for my op ?
> or is honesty the best????
Posted by SalArmy4me on September 18, 2001, at 17:37:00
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
Just say you have a boyfriend.
Posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 18:08:17
In reply to Re: need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by Phil on September 18, 2001, at 17:02:05
> Phil
The odd/weird thing is I've only met him for 4hours he caught me post psychiatric examination and empathised. Never met someone so keen so soon its impossible! probably a way of just getting in my pants- messing with my brain? Can't be that nasty/evil/can he. Maybe he's really madly lonely -hopefully. Or I'm temporary naive.
Sal- everyone knows eachother's status/personal life (almost).Had group therapy thing- about relationships.
Adam,
In the right mood I'd be blunt and wouldn't care.
See we have this group and part of it is to get to know eachother I was just trying to be friendly -guess I'll be honest. Tell it straight aint no use..Recently someone was blunt and honest with me - it worked and luckily still friends also the lust has gone.Thought I understood men more than women ,on this one I'm stumped hopefuly the meds are doing strange things in his head. Maybe it's a cruel way of getting in my pants.
Thanks all.
Posted by Greg A. on September 18, 2001, at 18:15:09
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
dreamer,
I've played both parts - the admirer (obsessed version) and the admiree. If you have no interest, the brief, unequivocal letdown is best.It's like a needle - it hurts for a second and then it's gone. Then you can get on with finding someone you do want hanging around admiring you.
Greg
Posted by kazoo on September 18, 2001, at 23:31:23
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
> ... tis more than physical beauty for me that I seek .
^^^^^^^^^^^
So! I see we're looking for someone with a BIG SHVANTZ!kazoo
Posted by paxvox on September 19, 2001, at 7:06:10
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
>
As firmly, but as pleasantly as possible, let him know you appreciate his friendship, but need your space and personal time not to be bothered by his needs.
The longer he thinks there's a chance for a relationship, the harder it will be to distance him.PAX
Posted by Phil on September 19, 2001, at 7:11:43
In reply to Re: need advice from mail man » dreamer, posted by kazoo on September 18, 2001, at 23:31:23
kazoo, You have a one track mind. It's a funny track.
Posted by dreamer on September 19, 2001, at 10:31:47
In reply to Re: need advice from mail man » dreamer, posted by kazoo on September 18, 2001, at 23:31:23
> > ... tis more than physical beauty for me that I seek .
>
> ^^^^^^^^^^^
> So! I see we're looking for someone with a BIG SHVANTZ!
>
> kazootut tut, hey ,someone with wit and radiating the right chemistry but wee chippolatoes for lunch can buy many wonderous things with a strap.
Many multi-coloured multi-sized produce multi-org a walking phallus-tree.Jesus -this activan strong:)
dreamer out to lunch.........
Posted by geekUK on September 20, 2001, at 14:36:35
In reply to Re: mail man without french letters » kazoo, posted by dreamer on September 19, 2001, at 10:31:47
I recon the transvestite story might be fun, you would have to be on top form to pull it off tho'. Create an alter ego and act/be the role. OR tell him your 'a little fragile at the moment' and you 'dont want to complecate things'. OR have fun and have meaningless sex and not take it seriously. do be carefull tho' and not just about diseaseez, look out 4 sleezees.
just a 2p.
Posted by dreamer on September 20, 2001, at 18:17:39
In reply to Re: mail man without french letters, posted by geekUK on September 20, 2001, at 14:36:35
> I recon i'LL just tell it straight. Can't get intimate if the chemistry ain't there kinda just feels mechanical and humourous get the feeling he'd stalk me and cause me grief.
Restraining from sex causes LOVELY euphoria!
but thats just me.
ROMANCE the natural high curiosity thrills the cat.
Posted by dreamer on September 21, 2001, at 16:17:34
In reply to Re: freaking my chickens » geekUK, posted by dreamer on September 20, 2001, at 18:17:39
Did it! me singlette still, ooooooooo assertive me.
Thanks all
Posted by susan C on September 21, 2001, at 16:50:54
In reply to aaahhh thats better......, posted by dreamer on September 21, 2001, at 16:17:34
Posted by stjames on September 22, 2001, at 0:14:14
In reply to Re: mail man without french letters, posted by geekUK on September 20, 2001, at 14:36:35
> I recon the transvestite story might be fun, you would have to be on top form to pull it off tho'.
james here....
I like "a pre-op transexual with a substance abuse problem and a partner with an anger problem". That usually scares off most.
The longer this goes on the worse it gets. Deal with it now.
James
Posted by stjames on September 22, 2001, at 0:15:08
In reply to Re: need advice from mail man » dreamer, posted by kazoo on September 18, 2001, at 23:31:23
> So! I see we're looking for someone with a BIG SHVANTZ!
>
> kazoojames here....
Size Queen !
Posted by galtin on September 26, 2001, at 11:30:04
In reply to Re: freaking my chickens » geekUK, posted by dreamer on September 20, 2001, at 18:17:39
> > I recon i'LL just tell it straight. Can't get intimate if the chemistry ain't there kinda just feels mechanical and humourous get the feeling he'd stalk me and cause me grief.
> Restraining from sex causes LOVELY euphoria!
> but thats just me.
> ROMANCE the natural high curiosity thrills the cat.
Its a challenge to figure out where the hell its safe to enter this discussion without getting embroiled in anatomical matters.Anyway, A combination of simplicity and truth goes far, but why do we feel compelled (as I often do myself) to give explanations for what is nobody else's business. Just tell him that you don't want a relationship. Don't tell him he has a big this or small that, or refer to the lack of romantic fire. All explanations are methods of inviting and continuing the discussion, which maybe part of you wants to do.
Just say you don't want to. He has no claim on your reasons. End of discussion.
galtin
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