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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by paula on August 26, 2001, at 15:11:22
Wow, these are all horrible things to hear! What an amazing list. My question may seem stupid, but here goes.
Why is it that these are hurtful things to hear? Is it because the folks that say them just don't get what we're going through? Or is it because they reinforce exactly what we tell ourselves?
Of course, it's painful either way. Just idle curiosity here.... --paula
Posted by KB on August 26, 2001, at 15:15:42
In reply to question about venting, posted by paula on August 26, 2001, at 15:11:22
I find them difficult to hear because it just seems to represent an absolute thoughtlessness on the part of the speaker - like they can't make the effort to think about what effect their words will have on me.
Posted by Kristi on August 26, 2001, at 16:12:42
In reply to Re: question about venting, posted by KB on August 26, 2001, at 15:15:42
I absolutely agree with you!!!!!! But, we have to be strong enough to not let statements like that bother us. Keep in mind the sources, and the naivety of the comments. Build your self esteem up to the point that these statements won't bother you. I know, I know, easier said than done, I realize.
>
> I find them difficult to hear because it just seems to represent an absolute thoughtlessness on the part of the speaker - like they can't make the effort to think about what effect their words will have on me.
Posted by susan C on August 26, 2001, at 18:37:38
In reply to question about venting, posted by paula on August 26, 2001, at 15:11:22
I feel. That is what I think. I feel when I am depressed, and am very sensitive. Someone can say something very innocently and I take it completly wrong. They can be trying to help and I DONT WANT help, but need it desperately at the same time.
Here is an example. About a month ago, my brother called me. He happened to catch me at the low point of my day and proceeded to 'tell me what to do'. Usually, I am telling him what to do, after all, he is my little brother, right? It was very clear to me that my mom had talked to my brother, my brother had talked to his wife and they had come up with all of these things to 'help' me.
After I hung up the phone, that afternoon, I was so depressed. I talked this all over with spouse and decided I should no longer answer the phone. Only take messages, call people back when I felt stronger. That I wouldn't talk to my brother again. Much of the conversation I couldn't remember. Now keep in mind I have been dealing with this illness all my life to one degree or another.
Now, over a month later and several 'episodes' later...I am looking back and saying, mmmmm, I am changing some things and doing somethings he talked about. I am taking and using some of his recommendations. Were they his recommendations, or I have just heard them enough times and tried, and bit by bit am doing a 'regular schedule, eating right, exercising, taking meds, demanding time for my self'?
Would I have done it anyway? Am I getting better? Did I get so angry that it 'stimulated' me to action? Did his comments hit me at a low time and he just got the brunt of my anger that had been building? What did he really say anyway? Even if this is a brain illness, which I firmly believe, are those things he said things I should, could, would, will do?
Maybe, he was the last to say them. And, I am now protecting myself? Sorry to ramble, I just realized this today, looking back on the last month, trying to make sense of things. What do I remember he said? 'Maybe you need a manager, who can plan and schedule things for you. You CERTAINLY can afford a place to do your art for $300 a month. Some place private where you can go and leave your stuff and if you want just paint one dot. Your husband is who is driving you crazy.'
The last one, I can not yet forgive him for except to think perhaps he was being sarcastic. The first two I have actually addressed. I have found a site on the net that sends me automatic emails each day, and I do as much as I can and delete the rest. So, the household is on automatic. I do not want to spend $300 a month on an art studio.
I want to work here, where if I need to, I can lay down. And so, after talking with other members of the household and telling them, they have their own rooms, I don't, so if I set something up, they cannot look. They gave me lots of good ideas and am slowly getting things shuffled around. I don't know when, but I will eventually have myself a place where I can do things. It is slow.
The days I am manic and my mind is racing and I want to throw things against the wall are contrasted by the days that I sit and watch tv and don't know where the time went.
Some of you know, some of you who read this don't know, how much finding these babble sites have helped me. The days go by and I can read what is written in little bits, I can take my time and write a response. I am using this forum for the most selfish of reasons, to help myself, to help myself get my brain moving. To try and first, understand what is going on and second, to try and find a way to deal with it. The people who are here have been helping me find a way. I do not feel alone. Whoever said the internet was not social was wrong.
Your mouse in the house
Susan C> Wow, these are all horrible things to hear! What an amazing list. My question may seem stupid, but here goes.
>
> Why is it that these are hurtful things to hear? Is it because the folks that say them just don't get what we're going through? Or is it because they reinforce exactly what we tell ourselves?
>
> Of course, it's painful either way. Just idle curiosity here.... --paula
This is the end of the thread.
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