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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on April 22, 2001, at 14:50:15
Shelli,
I get the impression that you understand a great deal of what i'm going through, and would greatly appreciate your input. Because I am pregnant I am just taking klonopin right now and am being told I need to step up therapy. I just posted that i'm dissociating now (actually quite a bit) but it helps. When I go to my therp, no matter how slow she goes and even my shrink- i really think i self-injure more. Does this make sense? Don't you think it's better to pull back for me right now? Thanks, judy
Posted by ShelliR on April 23, 2001, at 22:58:02
In reply to ShelliR- your opinion?, posted by judy1 on April 22, 2001, at 14:50:15
> Shelli,
> I get the impression that you understand a great deal of what i'm going through, and would greatly appreciate your input. Because I am pregnant I am just taking klonopin right now and am being told I need to step up therapy. I just posted that i'm dissociating now (actually quite a bit) but it helps. When I go to my therp, no matter how slow she goes and even my shrink- i really think i self-injure more. Does this make sense? Don't you think it's better to pull back for me right now? Thanks, judyHi Judy. I can't believe you are off all drugs but klonopin. That's incredibly great, that you have been able to do this.
I think you need to figure out why you si after therapy.
I'll tell you what happens to me and maybe you can relate ( if not it's okay). I think therapy both helps me deal with life in a more mature way through the cognitive work I've done, but also causes part of me emotionally to regress. My worst nights are the evenings after therapy, particularly after my double session. For me it has to do with attachment, and my perception that the attachment is gone after I leave. That is a time that I will often want to si (although I generally don't) and I'm more likely to page my therapist.
Then by the next day I hurt much less and I am not bent out of shape--so I think for me the attachment triggers the part of me that was "a motherless child" , who still wants to be taken care of at the deepest level. It's hard for me to believe I'm still working on that.
I don't know if that has anything to do with what you feel.
I really can't advise you. You need to use your own judgment and also if you trust your therapist and pdoc, you need to evaluate why they want you to step up therapy.
Having a baby is not going to stop those feelings in you that cause you to dissociate and to si. Maybe your therpist wants you to step up therapy so that at least some of these feelings can possibly be worked through before your baby is born. Your baby's going to need as much of you as possible, both physically and emotionally. So maybe that would be a better time to pull back and this is a better time to work on yourself, even if things feel exacerbated.
I hope I didn't confuse you. You obviously need to focus on the conflict between stepping up and pulling back with your therp.
Shelli
Posted by judy1 on April 30, 2001, at 17:35:22
In reply to Re: ShelliR- your opinion? » judy1, posted by ShelliR on April 23, 2001, at 22:58:02
Thanks for the reply Shelli. I made the decision to stay away from professionals for a while; i really think the si occurs because memories are stirred up and i don't want them stirred up. but maybe i can do that all on my own, it just seems worse after a visit. thanks for your perspective, i think your issues are probably different than mine (unless abuse?- and you don't have to answer) even though we managed to find the same coping mechanism which is interesting. I hope you are well- judy
Posted by shelliR on May 1, 2001, at 13:46:48
In reply to opinion » ShelliR, posted by judy1 on April 30, 2001, at 17:35:22
> Thanks for the reply Shelli. I made the decision to stay away from professionals for a while; i really think the si occurs because memories are stirred up and i don't want them stirred up. but maybe i can do that all on my own, it just seems worse after a visit. thanks for your perspective, i think your issues are probably different than mine (unless abuse?- and you don't have to answer) even though we managed to find the same coping mechanism which is interesting. I hope you are well- judy
Judy, I think we have the same coping mechanism because we WERE both abused. But I think we're at different points in our therapy. I dealing right now with the hurt and anger I feel (or am trying to feel) because I wasn't protected; I'm not being overwhelmed by memories.
I was wondering whether your therapist is trained in RMDR and whether you have tried to process the memories in that way. The key is to process memories so that they don't keep coming back and taking over. EMDR has seemed to work well for people in that respect. To sort of go through a memory and resolve it for yourself.
I wish you had a place that felt safe for you to go so you could work much of your bad memories out before your baby is born. But you obviously, out of all your options, picked the one which feels right to you. So I hope you are feeling more comfort. Shelli
Posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 15:57:23
In reply to Re: opinion, posted by shelliR on May 1, 2001, at 13:46:48
Dear Shelli,
I'm not familiar with RMDR or EMDR. My therp is trained in DBT, and deals a lot with DID clients (i have not been dxed with that, bipolar, panic and dissociative disorder). She was highly recommended and my shrink seems to respect her. You sound as if you are light years ahead of me in therapy- I feel like I'm unable to make that commitment to get better, I think it is fear driven more than anything else. That was very perceptive of you to say i've turned to the coping skill that feels the most comfortable to me. The problem now is my inability to go to an ob/gyn, even female. Partly the thought of being touched, partly I don't want anyone to see my scars. actually i'm feeling hopeless, sorry- judy
Posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 16:15:47
In reply to Re: opinion » shelliR, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 15:57:23
I don't want you to feel any obligation to keep responding to me. It really helps me though, i've never interacted with anyone who has a history like mine, but then i don't exactly shout it from the rooftops. thanks again- judy
Posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 16:15:47
In reply to Re: opinion » shelliR, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 15:57:23
I don't want you to feel any obligation to keep responding to me. It really helps me though, i've never interacted with anyone who has a history like mine, but then i don't exactly shout it from the rooftops. thanks again- judy
Posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 16:15:47
In reply to Re: opinion » shelliR, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 15:57:23
I don't want you to feel any obligation to keep responding to me. It really helps me though, i've never interacted with anyone who has a history like mine, but then i don't exactly shout it from the rooftops. thanks again- judy
Posted by shelliR on May 1, 2001, at 16:48:35
In reply to P.S. to Shelli, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 16:15:47
> I don't want you to feel any obligation to keep responding to me. It really helps me though, i've never interacted with anyone who has a history like mine, but then i don't exactly shout it from the rooftops. thanks again- judy
Hi Judy. I don't feel obligated to write. And I don't know how similar our histories are--in terms of magnitude. Whenever I'm been around others with abuse histories,(hospital, support groups) I listen to awful stories-- which always make me think that my abuse wasn't all that bad. I have no physical scars, no bones broken. I also don't have memories that come pouring out. I can't remember a lot.
But I understand a lot of things because of my own therapy; also because all my hospitalizations were with others who have been physically and/or sexually abused.
I don't know what DBT is. Is it a way to process memories? (And sorry, it's EMDR only I was referring to).
The most inspired person I've ever heard speak on childhood abuse was Marilyn Vanderbuilt. She was a former Miss America in like the 40s or early 50s, from a very wealthy prominent family in Denver. She came out publically with her abuse (by her father) and she is truely amazing--if you ever get to read anything or see her on video.
shelli
Posted by mila on May 1, 2001, at 23:23:01
In reply to Re: opinion » shelliR, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 15:57:23
Judy,
there is a special doctor for someone like you, her name is Nawal Nour.
I learned about her from the article in The New York Times (July 11,2000) A life devoted to stopping the suffering of mutilation. It's a conversation of Claudia Dreifus with Dr.Nour. You can download the article from NYT site, go see her, if you are from boston area, or at least call her and ask for a referralhere's some more info about her
http://www.mfdp.med.harvard.edu/cfhuf/bios/bios.cfm?fellow=14mila
Posted by Craig on May 2, 2001, at 2:24:26
In reply to P.S. to Shelli, posted by judy1 on May 1, 2001, at 16:15:54
I feel bad for you and don't know what to say to help you feel better. Hopelessness is just plain hard to deal with. I know you're trying to work things out as best you can and nobody can ask you to do any more than that. Mostly I want you to know that I continue to think about you and wish better days for you.
This is the end of the thread.
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