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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:54
Hey all. Some of you may know my story by now..but to recap. I had a very bad hypomania episode that lasted months..i started chatting all the time on the net with men. sexually flirting. It was like an obsession almost. I never had an affair, (nothing sexual ever really happened) but he doesnt believe it. Anyway, since then I am now taking 600mg daily of another mood stabelizer to keep me from going into depression/manic episodes and so far so good. I know i will never have another episode like that one because now i know how wrong it was and stupid. Plus, I realize that It was due to my illness and I know i can stop that sort of behavior. Anyway, this was a few months ago, but my husband keeps obsessing about it, everytime we go out he thinks i am looking for other men etc..(which i am not) its like he is punishing me everyday for what happened. Now, he has started going out drinking with this guy (supposidly) that he knows from work, who i happen to know is a cheater..his wife travels and he looks for women to have affairs with. So, obviously this is not the person i want my hubby going out with. I think he is doing this to get back at me, to try to hurt me. But, I think i have been hurt enough now. I understand what i did to him was bad and it hurt him, but i honestly wasnt in my right mind. Now, with the new meds i am feeling normal again and yet he still continues to say and do things to get back at me. Will this ever stop? My pdoc suggested marriage councilling, but my hubby never seemed to keen on the idea. I dont know if i should let it blow over, or will it just become a storm??
alone at home..
S
Posted by crazyteresa on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:54
In reply to My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!!, posted by woolav on June 23, 2005, at 21:06:29
Woolav,
You didn't say that your husband refused counseling, so I would definitely take him asap. It certainly won't hurt. Letting it fester will probably turn it into the storm you mentioned.
crazy t
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:55
In reply to Re: My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!! » woolav, posted by crazyteresa on June 23, 2005, at 21:41:43
maybe he feels that you are not owning up you mistakes..?it still was you on the net regardless of your state of mind...if he is t*t for tatting the trust is gone..
many ways to get back on track..
i say confront...be accountable..be strong..
in a restaurant might be best so he will remain composed..
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:55
In reply to Re: My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!!, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 21:53:53
wool..i cant babble mail you to explain the extent of my errors..and the forgivness that i had to earn..
i wish i could.
j
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:55
In reply to My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!!, posted by woolav on June 23, 2005, at 21:06:29
Sounds awful, and I remember your hubby just doesn't get the mania thing. I don't mean to sound judgemental, but he's being very immature to try to intentionally hurt you to get even with you, esp. since this is an illness, not an intentional error on your part.
Since your doc recommended counseling, maybe he could talk to your husband, and explain WHY it's neccessary?! I know your hubby has said no before, but maybe if he hears it from the doc, he'll go?
Jazzy
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:23:55
In reply to Re: My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!! » woolav, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 23:20:43
"being very immature to try and intentionally hurt you"...
i would be hurt if you posted this about my husband..
you were "being judgemantal"...
there are a few great books about "living with the mentally ill"..never dismiss ones feelings as you would not want someone to do the same to you..
just a thought..
j
Posted by woolav on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to pbc » Jazzed, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 23:43:07
I understood what you meant by that...I have told him that I was wrong and sorry, I think at first i was blaming it all on my illness and not taking accountibility for it. But i think he knows that i feel really bad about it and have asked him what i can do to earn his trust again. It just hurts when he brings it up all the time. Especially when he drinks. He did go to the pdoc with me and heard from the doc that we should go to councilling, but still hasnt thought seriouslly about it. Maybe I should tell him that if we dont go, we will never get past this..
Also, his son lives in VA, we are in SC and he has been saying how if we get divorced he will move to VA. I feel like now I am holding him back from being with his son. I cant move bc my job is here and my daughter is in school here. But, when we first got together, he said he would never leave here and that he hated VA. I feel like he is saying I am not important to him anymore. I feel like if that is how he felt, then he should have decided to be with his son in the first place and not marry someone who has a life here.... I dont know.
S
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to pbc » Jazzed, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 23:43:07
> i would be hurt if you posted this about my husband..
> you were "being judgemantal"...
> never dismiss ones feelings as you would not want someone to do the same to you..
> just a thought..
> j
I'm sorry if I came off as being judgemental. I wouldn't want my husband judged either. If woolav's hubby posts, I won't dismiss his feelings, but I don't know his feelings. I can only hear what woolav has said. I feel bad for anyone who has to live with shame from their illness, esp. when a loved one won't "let it go". (my mom was a classic at this, so I can see her POV) She has apologized to him, feels bad, regrets her actions, is living with shame, what more does she have to do? I don't feel his "actions" are mature, supportive, or helpful. I guess I should've separated the man from his actions.I apologize woolav, I shouldn't have judged your hubby.
Jazzy
Posted by Maximus on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!!, posted by woolav on June 23, 2005, at 21:06:29
Hi,
If you want to stay with your husband you're better to take your medication. Bye.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to Re: pbc » justyourlaugh, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 19:18:16
If I had posted that sort of question, I would not have found your response offensive. Actually, sometimes I find it very validating to have someone just say "He's being a jerk!" then I feel like it's okay for me to angry. Obviously, to each his/her own, but I certainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to Re: My Husband will never forgive me!!!!!! » woolav, posted by Maximus on June 24, 2005, at 20:07:27
do you have a husband maximus?
bye
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to Jazzed, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:08:41
" cretainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all."
makes me feel like i am not apart of this forum..dont i have a voice that should not be dismissed?, not at all?
j
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:09
In reply to Jazzed, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:08:41
> If I had posted that sort of question, I would not have found your response offensive. Actually, sometimes I find it very validating to have someone just say "He's being a jerk!" then I feel like it's okay for me to angry. Obviously, to each his/her own, but I certainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all.
Thank you Gabbi, I really didn't intend to offend anyone, mine are more knee jerk reactions to how I would feel about situations like this. I want to scream out with the person who is hurting, not condemn her husband.
thanks again,
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: Jazzed » Gabbi-x-2, posted by justyourlaugh on June 24, 2005, at 22:33:06
> " cretainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all."
> makes me feel like i am not apart of this forum..dont i have a voice that should not be dismissed?, not at all?
> j
I really am sorry jyl, I really didn't mean to offend. Like I said above, I tend to react and not respond thoughtfully to things like this because my mom did this to me. Always throwing it up in my face, even in front of my kids. It wasn't until her death that I felt free, even though I loved her. Now, I know she can never hurt me in that way ever again. So, when I hear this kind of post, I want so much to side with the victim, and hold them up.Again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, that was not my intention.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: Jazzed, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 22:40:52
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: Jazzed, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 22:40:52
i am sorry jazz..that post was to gabbi..
thanks for your posts...
j
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to jazz.., posted by justyourlaugh on June 24, 2005, at 22:50:28
thanks for the late night giggles jazz..
have a great saturday!
j
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: Jazzed » Gabbi-x-2, posted by justyourlaugh on June 24, 2005, at 22:33:06
> " cretainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all."
> makes me feel like i am not apart of this forum..dont i have a voice that should not be dismissed?, not at all?
> jNot at all JYL, I value your voice here, very much, that's why I remember so many of your posts off by heart.
It wasn't your opinion I was dismissing, I was offering a different one. Why I said "I don't think MOST people would find it offensive"
was because you gave Jazz a "Citizens P.B.C" I took that as being more than your opinion, but you considering her post to flout the civility guidelines.
If I someone did that to me, that would make me feel bad, and I wanted Jazz to know, that I would not have been offended had she responded to me that way.
Posted by Maximus on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to maximus.., posted by justyourlaugh on June 24, 2005, at 22:27:30
> do you have a husband maximus?
> byeYou meant a wife, right?
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: maximus.. » justyourlaugh, posted by Maximus on June 25, 2005, at 9:45:29
point..
you did not give reasoning to your beliefs..
was just wonder where you were coming from..
j
Posted by Maximus on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: maximus.. » Maximus, posted by justyourlaugh on June 25, 2005, at 18:48:44
> point..
> you did not give reasoning to your beliefs..
> was just wonder where you were coming from..
> jWhat do you want to know exactly? The size of my penis? ;-)
Posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to Re: maximus.. » justyourlaugh, posted by Maximus on June 25, 2005, at 20:50:47
>What do you want to know exactly? The size of my penis? ;-)
HAHAHA, we don't call you MAXIMUS for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Ed
Posted by Maximus on June 26, 2005, at 1:25:10
In reply to HAHAHA » Maximus, posted by ed_uk on June 25, 2005, at 21:38:03
> >What do you want to know exactly? The size of my penis? ;-)
>
> HAHAHA, we don't call you MAXIMUS for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Of course, i might super-size you :-D The pleasure to say to your lover, yes i want you, and stay hard for the rest of the night... LOL Max can help you!!! ;-)
Posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 9:04:07
In reply to Re: HAHAHA » ed_uk, posted by Maximus on June 25, 2005, at 22:49:51
Max, I sent you a babblemail :-)
.........and no it wasn't a rude one LOL!
~Eddy
Posted by jay on June 26, 2005, at 17:32:51
In reply to Jazzed, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:08:41
> If I had posted that sort of question, I would not have found your response offensive. Actually, sometimes I find it very validating to have someone just say "He's being a jerk!" then I feel like it's okay for me to angry. Obviously, to each his/her own, but I certainly wouldn't think that most people would find your post offensive, not at all.
>Jyl's point is about treating people the way we would want to be treated, in a civil manner. It HAS to be in a civil manner, mainly because that is part of the diplomacy of marriage and relationships. Even after all of the hell I have lived through (Having my wife and daughter die within one year gave me some...perspective) your situation (and Mental Health) does not give you full license to do whatever the heck you want without repercussions. And then just expect others to blanket everything with "ohh..that's o.k." After my loses, I at first felt I had a right to blame others with "..why are YOU alive..and they aren't??". But, with the help of some therapy and wonderful relatives, I knew I couldn't carry on with a grudge against humanity, and against others.
Anyhow, IMHO...
Jay
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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