![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmealltalk on November 10, 2012, at 16:33:02
Hey all-
It seems my life is becoming more insane by the moment. The last two weeks have been horrific and I feel so miserable. About two weeks ago I had emergency surgery after suffering unbelievable abdominal pain and requiring fibroids that apparently were twisting and going to gangrene if not removed immediately. The pain I was in was worse than anything I ever felt! I spent two days at my mothers house recovering before Hurricane Sandy reached New York, at which point I went to my sisters house because I felt I'd get more support there and my parents were driving me crazy. Post-surgery was very painful as well. The day after the hurricane while all the streets were closed and there were trees down everywhere my family got a call from the nursing home that my Grandmother had made a turn for the worst. We all drove there on closed roads and I spent my Grandmother's last two hours of life with her, which I feel fortunate about but it devastates me. (My grandma lived with me for years before going to a nursing home, when I took care of her and all of her needs and I visited her daily at the nursing home, except the weekend before she died while I was recovering, and we were extremely close. The truth is she was in pain and though she had a long and wonderful life, the last few months were terrible and she would never have wanted to be in that condition.) Anyway, that was followed by Shiva at my sisters house, as she was the only one in my family who had power and few people were able to come due to destruction of their own homes and lack of gas to drive. Its so sad that my Grandmother had this long life with so many people and few were able to come to mourn for her. During all this time I was unable to see my therapist nor psymd, whom Ill hopefully be able to see this week, but the devastation around me is awful. My own home was flooded 7 feet and is not expected to have power until around Thanksgiving, but considering the number of people who lost their lives and homes completely I cant really complain. To make things more complicated my youngest sisters Bat Mitzvah is this weekend and I dont want to even think about celebrating anything after my Grandmothers death, though there is no way I can just not go to my sisters party.
This post is very round about and what I really wanted to convey is the loss I feel right now, having lost my grandmother whom I was so close to, and feeling so alone without the support of my T. I dont even think it has totally hit me yet that she is gone as I havent gone back to my day to day schedule due to my physical recovery and I am worried when I do realize she is gone I will totally lose my mind. My grandmother was a wonderful woman with nothing negative to say about anyone, and I wish she were still here, but in the way she was before she was sick. And, as I feel so bad about her, and my physical pain is definitely been exacerbated by this, I know there are so many other people who have lost so much in the last two weeks that I shouldnt be complaining. That makes me feel so guilty, but I still feel like even though I have had a place to go following the hurricane, between my surgery and my grandmother I too had major losses. Ok, I need to stop tormenting myself over this. I just hope that when the day comes that I realize my grandmother is gone I do not regress and get crazier than before.
Mel
Posted by jane d on November 10, 2012, at 18:01:12
In reply to getting tougher by the day, posted by mmealltalk on November 10, 2012, at 16:33:02
I'm so sorry about your grandmother. But I'm glad you managed to be there. Please don't feel guilty about your grief. Losing a close relative is horrible. And don't feel guilty if you also find yourself stressed by the storm and your surgery. That doesn't magically disappear just because you had another greater loss. Take good care of yourself and I hope you manage to enjoy the bat mitzvah.
Posted by mmealltalk on November 18, 2012, at 19:13:25
In reply to getting tougher by the day, posted by mmealltalk on November 10, 2012, at 16:33:02
To anyone listening-
I thought things were supposed to get better, or at least calm down some. I am so miserable. I don't want to think or have a spare second of time because my mind goes straight to how depressed I feel. I am having the hardest of times and Ive already gone thru enough crap for a life time, why am i so crazed right now? I feel like i am going to be going backwards quickly and i fear this to no end. I don't want to return to the person i was a few years ago. I don't want to become that non functioning person and i see it happening so clearly.
I don't know what to do-
Mel
Posted by Dinah on November 19, 2012, at 19:43:35
In reply to Re: getting tougher by the day, posted by mmealltalk on November 18, 2012, at 19:13:25
There's so much going on with you right now. It isn't regression that you're feeling so bad. It's a consequence of what's going on.
My therapist says that everyone was a little insane after Katrina - certainly including him. Some people just hid it a bit better. (Not including him.)
You're in a lot of stress. What you're feeling is natural enough in the circumstances, though I know that doesn't make it better.
I know from time to time I think that if stressors would just slow down and not pile on all at once, I could regain my equalibrium.
What can you do to find some respite from the stress?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.