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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 7:06:24
At the doorstep of my father?
Its a pity my father and mother dont talk or live together anymore.
Id like both of them to be there and see when the police comes and scrapes my dead body from the wall.
I dont want to live another day
Posted by Dinah on October 29, 2012, at 8:02:15
In reply to What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 7:06:24
You sound pretty angry. Have they done something lately to stir that up?
The problem with using suicide as a last "F*ck you" to our "loved" ones is that the message they hear is rarely the message that is intended. No matter how directly you say it, anyone deserving of the gesture will likely see it as being about you, not about them. You wouldn't even be around to explain.
Is family therapy at all an option? Not even necessarily with a reconciliation in mind. An outsider might help you express your anger in a way that it could be heard.
If you think you're in any danger, you should call your doctor, therapist, or ER at once. They just aren't worth it.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on October 29, 2012, at 11:13:27
In reply to What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 7:06:24
I'm sorry lamdage. :-(
Dinah makes a lot of sense.
You sound really hurt, really angry.
I think you're too consumed by it right now. It's not the time to make any decisions.
Call someone, please.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 15:16:09
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself » Lamdage22, posted by sleepygirl2 on October 29, 2012, at 11:13:27
Already made a dumb decision.. signed a contract for a flat in my mothers town that i dont even want.
100mg nifedipine zyprexas and all benzos i have will do the trick huh!?
Posted by Dinah on October 29, 2012, at 16:43:47
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 15:16:09
You might well end up even worse than you are now. You might end up having your mother have to take care of you.
If you're feeling that close to harming yourself, you need to go to your emergency room or contact your doctor.
Posted by Phillipa on October 30, 2012, at 9:58:30
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 29, 2012, at 15:16:09
Lamadge what happened to your plans for school and education? Would you write us and let us know how you are? Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 3:47:13
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself » Lamdage22, posted by Phillipa on October 30, 2012, at 9:58:30
> Lamadge what happened to your plans for school and education? Would you write us and let us know how you are? Phillipa
Nothing happened to them. I dont understand why i would try to fit into this society..
All i want is to sleep and die and do nothing.I have signed a rental contract that i dont want, i have reported my mother for her abuse which i dont want really either.
I dont want to live and i dont want to die either.
I dont want to go to hospital, which i have signed up for now.
All i want is a safe home, which i dont have the energy for.I am telling society off but still i thrive to fit in just like them. And lets face it, everyone who has accomplished something here has stepped on other people.
I dont want to go to hell
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 8:50:04
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 3:47:13
Here is what i will do, ill just sleep and everytime i wake up, i will take another zyprexa.
Somebody needs to take care of me anyway as im permanently damaged from childhood abuse.
They can extract me from my hotelroom, whatever, i dont care.
I wont turn myself in.Why would i?
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 9:02:58
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 8:50:04
If i behave any differently, people wont take me seriously and i will walk further as the victim that keeps his mouth shut and has the sole purpose in life to "look ok" even though im not at all.
Posted by phillipa on October 31, 2012, at 19:56:54
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on October 31, 2012, at 9:02:58
Lamadge I didn't realize your childhood was so abusive. Are you in Germany or the USA now? Last you were in Germany. How can I help? Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 1, 2012, at 18:18:01
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself » Lamdage22, posted by phillipa on October 31, 2012, at 19:56:54
> Lamadge I didn't realize your childhood was so abusive. Are you in Germany or the USA now? Last you were in Germany. How can I help? Phillipa
Hey Phillipa,
im in Germany right now.. i figured i should first try to figure out life here and when i succeeded i can go to the states.
Its tough enough in your own country with the kind of damage im carrying around. Besides, i am looking at obtaining an immigrant visa so i can stay in the states with or without studying. It would have been to much pressure on me, so i chose to visit university here in germany and try and get that immigrant visa, that takes alot longer to process. But flipping back and forth between two countries like that can seriously mess with your head.As for help: I think we should help stop abusive cycles wherever we can. I just reported my cousines husband to the cops for beating the child. We should raise awareness of the issue at hand and make these folks who commit these crimes aware that we live in a constitutional country. (Both America and Germany)
Does someone remember whats been said to me two years ago in this post: (im Hunk20 there)..
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100524/msgs/949008.html"Yes you are connecting to the universal God. Just let go and let yourself fall and fall. You are feeling and becoming God. You are part of everything and all is part of you.You see and feel all that is false and useless and you laugh at it. You are the truth and the truth is in you. Fall..fall......You are eternal and will never die..."
I tried to contact the author, wanting to know exactly what he meant, but didnt get a reply yet.. Its sometimes hard to tell if im "connecting to the universal god/becoming god" or if im plain psychotic. Id like to understand what he meant and better understand what was going on at the time i made that thread.
Still trying to make sense of all of that, to be honest.. This "feeling like im in heaven".. i first had that when i reported to my therapist that my parents had never "let me be myself" with great anger. After that i felt basically whats called nirvana. So obviously.. my abusive past has kept me from feeling like that. And still does.. its not like i feel like that everyday.. i dont even think i have felt like that a single other day than the one where i reported "never having been myself due to my parents" to my therapist.
Obviously some folks feel like that most of the time. I wanna get back there;)Sincerely,
Julian
Ps.: Things have stabilized a bit again, but i have written some Emails and said some things i had rather not said and written.
I guess i had to vent some of my anger. It is directed at jadedness and abusiveness in our societies.
People dont wanna hear that i guess.
Posted by phillipa on November 1, 2012, at 21:11:58
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on November 1, 2012, at 18:18:01
I don't know how you would contact the above poster in the thread as he no longer is on babble. If you could what would you say to him? Glad things are a bit better too. Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 6, 2012, at 19:55:29
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself » Lamdage22, posted by phillipa on November 1, 2012, at 21:11:58
> I don't know how you would contact the above poster in the thread as he no longer is on babble. If you could what would you say to him? Glad things are a bit better too. Phillipa
I would ask him many, many many questions.
Like why me, what does it mean for the remainder of my life..
Does this mean im more important than others? Do i have more responsibility?It dawns on me its true what he said.
How can i make the most out of it?
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 6, 2012, at 19:58:01
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on November 6, 2012, at 19:55:29
And i would try to get advice to "justlet myself"fall, fall and fall".
Posted by Lamdage on November 13, 2012, at 15:08:18
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself, posted by Lamdage22 on November 6, 2012, at 19:58:01
I would LOVE to kill my mother. Seriously. She is a NAZI, plain and simple
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 15, 2012, at 12:52:39
In reply to Homocidal, posted by Lamdage on November 13, 2012, at 15:08:18
Posted by Dinah on November 19, 2012, at 19:44:17
In reply to Im ok again (nm), posted by Lamdage22 on November 15, 2012, at 12:52:39
Glad you're feeling better. Is it possible to minimize contact with your mother?
Posted by Phillipa on November 19, 2012, at 20:54:37
In reply to Re: Im ok again » Lamdage22, posted by Dinah on November 19, 2012, at 19:44:17
Dinah a good idea. Lamadge is it possible? Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 24, 2012, at 1:32:13
In reply to Re: Im ok again » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on November 19, 2012, at 20:54:37
She is a line of support i have and although she inflicts Damage, too, shes one of the few people i have for support.
Im in a Thai-Detox center now. I was eating so badly, i had no place to call home and winter depression.
I have a pretty agressive candida strain to deal with. The program is pretty hardcore, but its working. Still take my meds.
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 24, 2012, at 1:35:28
In reply to Re: Im ok again, posted by Lamdage22 on November 24, 2012, at 1:32:13
I can thank god i can afford this kind of move. Technically i cant, but im not going bancrupt with it.
I will try to avoid the double posts in the future.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2012, at 21:08:25
In reply to Re: Im ok again, posted by Lamdage22 on November 24, 2012, at 1:32:13
I'm glad you're getting good help.
If she's more helpful than harmful to you, it probably is best to accept her presence with as much pragmatic good will as you can muster.
This is the end of the thread.
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