Posted by Lamdage22 on November 1, 2012, at 18:18:01
In reply to Re: What is the best way to kill oneself » Lamdage22, posted by phillipa on October 31, 2012, at 19:56:54
> Lamadge I didn't realize your childhood was so abusive. Are you in Germany or the USA now? Last you were in Germany. How can I help? Phillipa
Hey Phillipa,
im in Germany right now.. i figured i should first try to figure out life here and when i succeeded i can go to the states.
Its tough enough in your own country with the kind of damage im carrying around. Besides, i am looking at obtaining an immigrant visa so i can stay in the states with or without studying. It would have been to much pressure on me, so i chose to visit university here in germany and try and get that immigrant visa, that takes alot longer to process. But flipping back and forth between two countries like that can seriously mess with your head.As for help: I think we should help stop abusive cycles wherever we can. I just reported my cousines husband to the cops for beating the child. We should raise awareness of the issue at hand and make these folks who commit these crimes aware that we live in a constitutional country. (Both America and Germany)
Does someone remember whats been said to me two years ago in this post: (im Hunk20 there)..
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100524/msgs/949008.html"Yes you are connecting to the universal God. Just let go and let yourself fall and fall. You are feeling and becoming God. You are part of everything and all is part of you.You see and feel all that is false and useless and you laugh at it. You are the truth and the truth is in you. Fall..fall......You are eternal and will never die..."
I tried to contact the author, wanting to know exactly what he meant, but didnt get a reply yet.. Its sometimes hard to tell if im "connecting to the universal god/becoming god" or if im plain psychotic. Id like to understand what he meant and better understand what was going on at the time i made that thread.
Still trying to make sense of all of that, to be honest.. This "feeling like im in heaven".. i first had that when i reported to my therapist that my parents had never "let me be myself" with great anger. After that i felt basically whats called nirvana. So obviously.. my abusive past has kept me from feeling like that. And still does.. its not like i feel like that everyday.. i dont even think i have felt like that a single other day than the one where i reported "never having been myself due to my parents" to my therapist.
Obviously some folks feel like that most of the time. I wanna get back there;)Sincerely,
Julian
Ps.: Things have stabilized a bit again, but i have written some Emails and said some things i had rather not said and written.
I guess i had to vent some of my anger. It is directed at jadedness and abusiveness in our societies.
People dont wanna hear that i guess.PTSD from childhood, (atypical) Depression, Social Anxiety and Candidiasis!
poster:Lamdage22
thread:1030175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20120922/msgs/1030482.html