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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
I'm getting to see a little more of her humor these days. Still think of her as "not-MY-T" and shared that with her and am working to think of her by name. Connection is not really there yet.
On the bright side at this week's session, I sat down and we were silent for several minutes. I said, "I've got nothing." She smiled and said, "Dealer's choice. That's dangerous." :-)
Posted by yellowbird01 on October 22, 2011, at 23:21:32
In reply to Funny from New T, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
I love it! That sounds just like something my T would say. I find a bit of humor, even when it's carefully "teasing" at times, really makes it easier for me to see my T as a real, engaged person. :)
Posted by annierose on October 23, 2011, at 7:56:37
In reply to Re: Funny from New T, posted by yellowbird01 on October 22, 2011, at 23:21:32
I agree with yellowbird ... humor, well placed, is connecting. Nothing I love more is when I laugh or t laughs in therapy.
Thanks for sharing TherapyGirl. She will never replace your "t". You will form a different relationship with her and explore this new therapeutic relationship from a possibly different point of view. It's all good. You got to start somewhere.
Posted by Solstice on October 23, 2011, at 9:48:26
In reply to Funny from New T, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
> I'm getting to see a little more of her humor these days. Still think of her as "not-MY-T" and shared that with her and am working to think of her by name. Connection is not really there yet.
>
> On the bright side at this week's session, I sat down and we were silent for several minutes. I said, "I've got nothing." She smiled and said, "Dealer's choice. That's dangerous." :-)
I think I see some affection between the two of you sneaking its way in there.... ;-)attachment is probably close behind... it'll be a whole different relationship that the one with the therapist you were bonded with for so long.. but may fit some needs you didn't even know you had. Maybe having a different word than 'T' for this one would help? Maybe thinking of her as 'Counselor' or something would help keep this new relationship from bumping up against the other one - keep it separate - maybe make it feel more like an 'addition' than a replacement?
Solstice
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2011, at 16:47:47
In reply to Funny from New T, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
:) Humor is good. I think it doesn't play a huge role in my therapy and I'm not sure if he restrains his sense of humor, or if he isn't all that humorous.
I like what Solstice says. Maybe you can continue to think of as "not-MY-T" but add a comma and a continuation after that. Like "She's not my therapist (or my therapist/mommy), she's my counselor or my therapist/older sister, or something like that? So that you aren't disrespecting your Therapist's place in your life. It would be like calling a stepmother "Mom". It just might not work, and maybe it shouldn't work.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 23, 2011, at 19:57:29
In reply to Re: Funny from New T, posted by Solstice on October 23, 2011, at 9:48:26
It's interesting you used the term affection. I haven't thought of it that way before, but I think you are right.
A few weeks ago she got really blunt about something and read the situation entirely correctly. Rebound T, even if she had caught on, would not have reacted well. New T reacted much the same way as Old T did. I think one brick in the wall came down that way. We both continue to try, but of course it can't be forced.
I like trying to figure out a whole different way to think of her.
Thank you.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 23, 2011, at 19:58:12
In reply to Re: Funny from New T, posted by yellowbird01 on October 22, 2011, at 23:21:32
I agree. Humor is very important to me during sessions. I think she's just figured that out.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 23, 2011, at 19:58:50
In reply to Re: Funny from New T, posted by annierose on October 23, 2011, at 7:56:37
You get it, AnnieRose, as usual.
I've missed you and all the other Babblers. How are you?
Posted by Daisym on October 23, 2011, at 23:27:57
In reply to Funny from New T, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
I think humor creates intimacy in a lovely, safe way.
Last week I was having a hard time about several different work things. I felt like I didn't have the capacity to go from my session straight back to work and be the boss. So when time was up, tears came and I tried to joke them away - "I need a note saying I don't have to be the boss today." He tells me, "wait," whips around in his chair, pulls out a piece of his letterhead and writes me the following note: "To Whom it may concern, Daisy is excused from being the boss today." And he signed it.
I cracked up. And felt this overwhelming love for him - something so silly and yet I felt so cared for. We talked about it at my next session and he seemed as happy to have spontaneously written the note as I was to have received it. We agreed that it is these small things that help you feel really heard.I'm glad you are finding, and allowing, her caring. :)
Posted by Solstice on October 24, 2011, at 5:59:56
In reply to Re: Funny from New T, posted by Daisym on October 23, 2011, at 23:27:57
I don't think there's anything more exquisite than being 'gotten.' He 'gets' you - and what he did demonstrated his taking pleasure in you. 'Lovely safe' is the perfect description of it, Daisy. It's a light and warm feeling, isn't it?
Solstice
> I think humor creates intimacy in a lovely, safe way.
>
> Last week I was having a hard time about several different work things. I felt like I didn't have the capacity to go from my session straight back to work and be the boss. So when time was up, tears came and I tried to joke them away - "I need a note saying I don't have to be the boss today." He tells me, "wait," whips around in his chair, pulls out a piece of his letterhead and writes me the following note: "To Whom it may concern, Daisy is excused from being the boss today." And he signed it.
>
> I cracked up. And felt this overwhelming love for him - something so silly and yet I felt so cared for. We talked about it at my next session and he seemed as happy to have spontaneously written the note as I was to have received it. We agreed that it is these small things that help you feel really heard.
>
> I'm glad you are finding, and allowing, her caring. :)
>
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2011, at 19:02:30
In reply to Re: Funny from New T » Daisym, posted by Solstice on October 24, 2011, at 5:59:56
I totally agree.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2011, at 19:05:29
In reply to Re: Funny from New T » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on October 23, 2011, at 16:47:47
Dinah, I could have sworn that I wrote a response to your post, but it's not here so my menopause brain must not have submitted it or something.
At any rate, you are right that I need to figure out a whole different way to think about her. I like your stepmother analogy.
I've also realized in the last week or so that part of the issue is that between T retiring and my father's death, I feel like I've lost my history. Or I've at least lost the people who know my history, who know ME. Especially T. That's when it is most apparent that things are so vastly different -- when something comes up in therapy and new T can't read me because she hasn't known me for 26 years.
Posted by Solstice on October 25, 2011, at 0:05:22
In reply to Re: Funny from New T » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2011, at 19:05:29
>
> I've also realized in the last week or so that part of the issue is that between T retiring and my father's death, I feel like I've lost my history. Or I've at least lost the people who know my history, who know ME. Especially T. That's when it is most apparent that things are so vastly different -- when something comes up in therapy and new T can't read me because she hasn't known me for 26 years.Know what, Therapygirl? You have not lost your history. You carry your relationship with your father, and your relationship with your retired therapist, in your heart. It's all there.. in You. And the therapist you've known for 26 years started out only knowing you for six months. That relationship developed over time and experiences.. and has become part of who you are. Your beloved therapist lives in you.. has been internalized by you.
The counselor you see now is building upon what your therapist spent 26 years building. It's not a replacement, and it's certainly not a duplicate. It's another verse to a very meaningful song. It will be a new and different relationship, and the affection and bond that develops will be based on very different therapeutic experiences. These two relationships are not in competition with each other. Your heart is big enough for both of these relationships to be very meaningful and important to you. You don't have to discard one to have the other. They can both exist simultaneously within you. It makes me think of when I was expecting my second child. I was so profoundly in love with my first child, that I could not imagine it being possible to love another child... until he was born and rocked my world with all of his amazingness. He was absolutely different than his sister in a million different ways. With all three of my kids, I tell them each they are my favorite. Each one has a specific set of characteristics that the other two don't have.. it's what makes them who they are - very unique. So I tell my oldest that she is my favorite ___(description of who she is)____. I tell my son he's my favorite _____(description of who he is)_____. Same with my youngest. I hear people talk about loving their kids equally, and I haven't been able to figure that out. I love them each profoundly, but very, very differently. My love for each of them resides side-by-side simultaneously. I think it can work much the same with your therapist and your counselor.
Solstice
Posted by Dinah on November 5, 2011, at 12:15:59
In reply to Funny from New T, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2011, at 21:08:24
:)
Well, at least that's one good thing about Not-My-T's. The relationship is early enough that they don't simply shrug and say "Me neither." Or worse yet "So... How's your mother?"
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 5, 2011, at 19:41:57
In reply to Re: Funny from New T » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on November 5, 2011, at 12:15:59
Good point, Dinah.
This is the end of the thread.
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