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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on August 3, 2011, at 15:43:36
I had a flashback during my session. This happens sometimes. I hate it when it does.
So, at the end of the session I said, "I'm sorry I had a melt down/flash back."
He said, "You never, never have to apologize for that. Never."
Me: "It is embarrassing when it happens in front of someone."
Him: "but it is me"
Me: "but you are still someone"
Him: "but I'm not just anyone"
Me: "true..."Gotta love it when they get it right. :)
Just thought I'd share.
Posted by Anemone on August 3, 2011, at 18:31:53
In reply to One of those smile moments, posted by Daisym on August 3, 2011, at 15:43:36
Hi Daisy,
How sweet, your T got it right! Thank you for sharing! I am smiling for you. When these moments happen I hug them to myself like a warm fuzzy blanket. Sorry I don't know your whole story, as I have only read some of your stuff from the archives.
I agree with you that T's are not "just anyone", it's great that your T understands.
I said something similar to my T today. I was apologizing for my meltdown/outburst, and she said "you don't have to apologize for getting mad" and I said, "I am so embarrassed to have gotten mad at you anyway".
(I got mad at T because something she said sounded like my mother's words and it hurt)
She tried to get me to understand it's OK to get mad at her. I am still struggling to grasp this concept.
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 3, 2011, at 19:24:42
In reply to Re: One of those smile moments » Daisym, posted by Anemone on August 3, 2011, at 18:31:53
For a long time, I would start almost every statement with my t by saying, I know this sounds stupid or this is embarassing to say. He finally said, I wish you wouldn't do that. Just say it. Don't preface everything. I still can't imagine getting mad at him though. I never have. Even when he's been less than perfect (which is rare), I blame myself and feel hurt rather than angry.
I do this with friends and my husband and daughter as well. A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine wasn't returning any of my calls or text messages. I found myself thinking that she was sick of me and my depression. My new t (I have two t's -- a DBT social worker who is my primary t and my p-doc, who I see every other week and just love too much to stop seeing him) said, it's rude of her not to answer your calls. You need to feel angry rather than hurt and inadequate. She is being rude. So I saw her boyfriend that night and told him to tell her I was p***ed that she didn't return my calls. He said, she's really crazy busy right now. I said, still, she could text me and tell me that, not just ignore me. The next day she texted me and apologized. I was so proud of myself.
Posted by annierose on August 3, 2011, at 21:48:33
In reply to One of those smile moments, posted by Daisym on August 3, 2011, at 15:43:36
Treasure it ... smile moments are the best. As are you and your T.
Sometimes we go through rocky moments in our relationship with our therapist --- for reasons we might not completely understand. But if we can just hang in there, we find that moment that reminds us of the importance of a long term relationship. They do get us and see us and love us.
Posted by lucielu2 on August 4, 2011, at 19:00:46
In reply to One of those smile moments, posted by Daisym on August 3, 2011, at 15:43:36
That's one of the best things about therapy - that feeling of being known and accepted for who you are. My own apologies are about tears. All these years and I still apologize when I cry. He always gives the same gentle smile, and I know I needn't apologize, that it doesn't matter at all to him. It does to me though.
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 4, 2011, at 19:50:11
In reply to Re: One of those smile moments, posted by lucielu2 on August 4, 2011, at 19:00:46
I used to apologize every time I cried. The first time I cried, I stopped myself and said, sorry I'm fine now. He said, you don't have to be fine. Is this something you do? I'm not asking to be critical, I'm just trying to get a sense of what you're like. I thought about this and said, yes, this is something I do. This was in my first appointment. I had never before thought about what I was like or had anybody ask me like that. I knew after that that I wanted to see him for therapy, though initially I had just seen him for an anti-depressant. He had told me to call him in a week and when I called him, I asked him if I could see him for therapy. I was a wreck all week, thinking he might say no, he had no time. But he said yes immediately. Since then, I have seen him almost every week and cried almost every week. I've stopped apologizing. If I cry, he says, why is this making you sad?
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2011, at 14:16:37
In reply to One of those smile moments, posted by Daisym on August 3, 2011, at 15:43:36
:)
I like that.
This is the end of the thread.
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