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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by emmanuel98 on July 28, 2011, at 22:09:08
I came into his waiting area and one of the chair was gone. He was sitting on it, with his legs propped up on a stool. His knees were all swollen by the braces under his pants. He said he had had to call so many people to cancel while he was under the influence of strong pain killers. How many people did you have to call, I asked him? About 30, he said, but most of those are people I see only once a month or so for meds. You can imagine the emotions this set off. 30 patients to call to take two weeks off. And I know he is semi-retired, so this is nothing compared to the load he would have had two years ago.
I'm starting to hate this feeling of dependency. I aksed him if I could get him anything, fill his water bottle for him, go get him lunch, anything. He said he has someone bringing him lunch needs nothing from me. He doesn't need me. He did read the book I sent him and thanked me for it and recommended some other books to me. That made me feel almost like we were friends.
But we are not friends. And I left feeling sorry for him -- he has a swimming pool behind his house (yes, I have driven by it) and a house near the beach at the cape (have driven by that too) -- and can't use either because he is on a walker and is not allowed to get his legs wet. But I felt sad for myself too. I want to help him somehow. I asked if I could fill his water bottle, but he said he was fine. I felt bad talking about myself with him sitting there with a walker and his legs propped on a stool.
How do you deal with a (temporarily) disabled T? For me, wanting to take care of him has been an on-going theme.
wanting to be important to him and his life. But I am not.
Posted by annierose on July 29, 2011, at 8:42:11
In reply to My p-doc is back, posted by emmanuel98 on July 28, 2011, at 22:09:08
I can relate to your situation. When my t returned from hip replacement surgery, I felt so horrible for her. She was using a cane to walk (she is in her early 50's, fit, in shape/toned ... probably wears a size 0 or 2). Every step she took, I could feel her cringe and then the 30 seconds it took to sit down. She didn't even try to stand up afterwards (like usual).
I will tell you that her progress was remarkable. Each week I could see the difference. She still will prop her legs up on a stool now and then, and move her body from side to side to get more comfortable ... but the wincing is gone.
It's ok to show your p-doc that you care, that you worry. That's what we do when we love someone. He does want to see you and see how you are doing. Otherwise, he would not have made the decision to come back to work.
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2011, at 11:37:07
In reply to My p-doc is back, posted by emmanuel98 on July 28, 2011, at 22:09:08
I have the same desire to help my therapist and the same knowledge that I can't really. It does hurt in some ways, but in other ways it's a good thing.
I remember how hurt I feel the time my therapist told me bluntly, during a discussion of how much more important he was to me than I was to him, "I am part of your support system. You are not, and can not be, part of mine."
But he's right. Therapy can't really work if you're taking care of your therapist. I recently reminded my therapist of what he told me, and while it was in connection with something else, I think it was partially related to the fact that something was going on in his life. I was acknowledging to myself the fact that I'd like to be a rock he can lean on, but since this is therapy I can't be. It just wouldn't work.
But that doesn't mean you can't be supportive and caring to him. Even acknowledging that you wish you could take care of him though you know you can't is a recognition of how much you care for him.
And there is more than one way to care for someone. By letting him work, you are in a sense caring for his sense of self worth by allowing him to be of use. I think it's difficult for people who are used to being independent to acknowledge weakness. My therapist once said to me that he found our sessions (during Katrina) to be very grounding to him. That one part of his life was going on as usual. When I was worrying about bothering him.
By all means, be sensitive to the fact that he may need to move around a bit more than usual, or may not be quite as attentive as usual. But you'll probably help him most by being as much yourself as you can be. Though in similar circumstances I've probably commented a time or two that I feel bad talking about myself when I know he's in pain.
Posted by lucielu2 on August 4, 2011, at 19:21:54
In reply to My p-doc is back, posted by emmanuel98 on July 28, 2011, at 22:09:08
As Dinah said, work can be grounding for a T when physical problems are taking a toll on his/her life. When my T hurt his back and we had to have phone sessions, I felt bad for imposing on him. But he said that he welcomed the chance to work on something meaningful (he really said that) to take his mind off the discomfort. I'm betting your pdoc feels the same. You have done a lot to show him how much you care, and I'm sure that has meant a lot to him.
This is the end of the thread.
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