![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 18:58:13
Im having an issue, Im 2 months or so into therapy and am finding it difficult to be social. All I do is go over and over in my head the events that we are discussing in my sessions. So, in my life, as a result, I am avoiding as much as I possibly can. We are talking about very difficult things and Im finding it tough. Is this typical? How long should this last for? People are starting to worry about me.
Posted by emmanuel98 on February 5, 2011, at 19:43:45
In reply to managing life while in therapy, posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 18:58:13
I did that also at the beginning --replayed sessions over and over again in my head, thought about what to say next session, how he might respond, and so on. My husband called in my post-Dr. A-trauma-syndrome. On the other hand, if I could get myself distracted by something else, I was euphoric most of the time, really on a pink cloud. It didn't last that long. I found distractions, settled in more, got used to the whole therapy idea. Other problems surfaced as we went deeper into my problems, but I got through those as well. So keep on trucking. Tell your friends that you are a little distracted by starting therapy, but you should be able to pull yourself back soon.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 19:50:04
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 5, 2011, at 19:43:45
Lola and Emmanuel,
That is exactly where I am at too-- it is ALL that I think about. I can't get my mind away from it, hence the longing for each session.
I have always, ever since I can remember, lived in my imagination-- meaning usually not being in the here and now as much as creating so many scenarios in my head. Lola, you mention replaying conversations in your head-- I hear you. I have like 300+ a week with my therapist in my head. When I get to a session, I don't know what I said and what I didn't sometimes. Reality and imagined scenarios intertwine.
I don't know how long it lasts or how to make it stop.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 19:53:30
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 5, 2011, at 19:43:45
Emmanuel,
also, what do you consider to be the "beginning" of therapy? I don't know what stage to consider myself in therapy. I began therapy with my now-current therapist last late February-- had about 10 sessions from then until the first week of May. Had no sessions for 6 months-- from May until late October. And have had about 12 sessions since late October until now (3 of which were phone sessions).
The breaks make it feel like starting all over again. Would I be still considered in the beginning? or not?
confused ~~~
Posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 19:54:25
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 5, 2011, at 19:43:45
> I did that also at the beginning --replayed sessions over and over again in my head, thought about what to say next session, how he might respond, and so on. My husband called in my post-Dr. A-trauma-syndrome. On the other hand, if I could get myself distracted by something else, I was euphoric most of the time, really on a pink cloud. It didn't last that long. I found distractions, settled in more, got used to the whole therapy idea. Other problems surfaced as we went deeper into my problems, but I got through those as well. So keep on trucking. Tell your friends that you are a little distracted by starting therapy, but you should be able to pull yourself back soon.
Thanks for responding, yeah, I hope so. Im replaying the actual events that lead me to therapy, not the sessions so much. Im worried thats not a good sign. its feeling too real right now. Its not easy, thats for sure.
Posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 19:57:56
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » emmanuel98, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 19:50:04
> Lola and Emmanuel,
>
> That is exactly where I am at too-- it is ALL that I think about. I can't get my mind away from it, hence the longing for each session.
>
> I have always, ever since I can remember, lived in my imagination-- meaning usually not being in the here and now as much as creating so many scenarios in my head. Lola, you mention replaying conversations in your head-- I hear you. I have like 300+ a week with my therapist in my head. When I get to a session, I don't know what I said and what I didn't sometimes. Reality and imagined scenarios intertwine.
>
> I don't know how long it lasts or how to make it stop.
>Thnks for responding, Its not so much that Im replaying the sessions. Its that Im reliving the events that brought me into therapy over and over all day every day. I think about what happened, how it happened, why and so on. Its so time consuming and depressing and Im worried its not healthy :(. Does this sound typical?
Posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 19:59:55
In reply to what do you consider the beginning?, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 19:53:30
> Emmanuel,
>
> also, what do you consider to be the "beginning" of therapy? I don't know what stage to consider myself in therapy. I began therapy with my now-current therapist last late February-- had about 10 sessions from then until the first week of May. Had no sessions for 6 months-- from May until late October. And have had about 12 sessions since late October until now (3 of which were phone sessions).
>
> The breaks make it feel like starting all over again. Would I be still considered in the beginning? or not?
>
> confused ~~~I think thats still early
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 20:09:16
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » Annabelle Smith, posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 19:57:56
Oh, I think I see then. I don't think that replaying the events in such a direct way has been my experience, though I wonder that in my replaying of the sessions if within the attachment relationship and feelings that sessions evoke from the past, if replaying a session (as I do and as Emmanuel alluded to doing) is not an implicit way of replaying the events that led up to therapy.
But, it sounds like you are replaying them in an explicit, direct way. I am not sure how typical that is-- it probably varies but I imagine that especially in cases of trauma and intense events in your life, therapy can bring back those experiences very vividly. I would it think it is important to share that with your therapist, if you haven't already.
Also, thanks for the thoughts about it being early in therapy. Someone once told me that it sounded like I had had a lot of therapy, implying that I should be all better by now. But thanks for the affirmation-- I don't know how long is "long" or "early"-- I guess it depends on the person too.
Posted by Anemone on February 6, 2011, at 18:57:21
In reply to managing life while in therapy, posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 18:58:13
Hi Lola,
You are talking about very difficult things, so is it possible that you want to think it through in your mind, to work through feelings, therefore don't feel like socializing as much?
Could it be that you are finding it tough, and it may not be easy to talk about this stuff with your friends/ people around you?
Perhaps once you feel better inside, you will feel more social?
Posted by lola_2 on February 6, 2011, at 19:29:25
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 5, 2011, at 20:09:16
> But, it sounds like you are replaying them in an explicit, direct way. I am not sure how typical that is-- it probably varies but I imagine that especially in cases of trauma and intense events in your life, therapy can bring back those experiences very vividly. I would it think it is important to share that with your therapist, if you haven't already.
>I havent yet, but I think I will next time.
> Also, thanks for the thoughts about it being early in therapy. Someone once told me that it sounded like I had had a lot of therapy, implying that I should be all better by now. But thanks for the affirmation-- I don't know how long is "long" or "early"-- I guess it depends on the person too.
>
>I also think its depends on the person. One person may only need a short stint of therapy and someone else may need longer. I have had a lot of sessions already but have so much more history to deal with. Its individual.
Posted by lola_2 on February 6, 2011, at 19:33:17
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Anemone on February 6, 2011, at 18:57:21
> Hi Lola,
>
> You are talking about very difficult things, so is it possible that you want to think it through in your mind, to work through feelings, therefore don't feel like socializing as much?Yeah, its like Im trying to process everything. But Im not feeling myself, so I dont want to hang out with people that much.
>
> Could it be that you are finding it tough, and it may not be easy to talk about this stuff with your friends/ people around you?yeah
>
> Perhaps once you feel better inside, you will feel more social?yeah, I hope so. I guess I was worrying that I wasnt handling it well. But I probably just need some time. Thanks for responding.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 19:38:05
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » Annabelle Smith, posted by lola_2 on February 6, 2011, at 19:29:25
If you don't mind my asking, Lola, how many sessions do you have per week? I am just wondering. You don't have to share if you aren't comfortable.
Posted by lola_2 on February 6, 2011, at 20:04:10
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 19:38:05
> If you don't mind my asking, Lola, how many sessions do you have per week? I am just wondering. You don't have to share if you aren't comfortable.
once a week, but one week I had 2, Have yours been all over the place or were sometimes regular? Do you think more often would make therapy more efficient? Im having very mixed feelings right now about therapy. I dont like how Im functioning.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 20:35:07
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » Annabelle Smith, posted by lola_2 on February 6, 2011, at 20:04:10
Oh, I see. I think I totally hear what you are saying. I think about that a lot myself. You know, it seems to me that in a lot of the case studies I have read about therapy, as well as just observing what people say online and on boards such as this, I was under the impression that it is very common to meet more than once per week.
Do I think it would make therapy more efficient? I don't know. Part of me screams YES and part of me thinks maybe not. On the one hand, it seems that if there is so much to talk about and if the longing is so intense in between sessions so that it is all one can think about and feels like an eternity, then part of me thinks that more sessions would help at the beginning. I do not know what your situation is, but for me, that would be impossible. 1) My therapist is super-busy and added me on top of his already full schedule-- he was so kind to take me back. Hence, my sessions have been somewhat erratic. We don't have a set time each week, and sometimes it ends up being more than a week in between each meeting (like I met with him last Monday but am not meeting again until this upcoming Wed...9 days) 2) My therapist is super kind and understanding again and offers me a sliding-scale fee that I can afford that is half of his usual cost-- otherwise, it would really be a huge financial strain for me, as he doesn't take my insurance (though I may be getting reimbursement) Financially, I would have trouble paying for more than one session a week, and I wonder if my therapist is taking a hit and making a sacrifice by not charging me the full price too.
I know this sounds stupid, but sometimes I feel like because it seems like most people do go more than once per week, because I don't, then it seems like he is not seeing how much pain I am really in or that he doesn't believe I mean what I say about some things. But, I know that is probably not the case-- just my projection. As much as I feel jealous (sometimes intensely jealous of other people who can go more than once per week, it is not possible in my case. It may be possible in yours.
But then the second question is: even if it is possible, is it more efficient? I don't know. It probably depends on each individual case. I could see myself just going deeper and deeper in the addictive cycle in which I am already plunged. It may be that the more sessions I have, the more I am obsessed and drug deeper in. I think there may be something to say about having to leave each session and doing the "work" of dealing with life apart from therapy outside of session each week.
I don't know what kind of therapy you are in, but what I do know about DBT (which is more or less what I am in minus the weekly group skills session) is that it meets once per week for individual sessions. No more. And this is primarily for Borderline Personality Disorder (and increasingly other things too) which used to treat these same patients with 3 times/week individual therapy sessions. I think there has been a shift in theory and method around the number of therapy sessions offered per week, even with people in extreme distress and suffering.
You mention that you are having very mixed feelings about therapy right now. I think I hear you. I often feel the same way. It has been a year now since I started therapy (this includes the 6 months I was away during the summer...which still involved this unresolved longing) and I feel like I have largely wasted this year by being obsessed with my therapist and my sessions. I feel angry and extremely sad sometimes that I feel like I have lost this year of my life. You mentioned withdrawing-- yes, that happened to me too for the first 3 months and is still happening now. I feel in such inner turmoil and chaos that I don't want to be around others because I just feel more and more fake and awful. So I withdraw. And feel more awful. Sometimes I wonder if therapy hasn't given me a new problem-- of over-attachment and dependency and re-opening all of the old feelings and pain in a very concentrated way.
But, I think that maybe things have to get worse before they get better. At least I am telling myself this. I think that for both of us, as much as it hurts, we are ultimately on a path to new healing. I hope so. I think it just takes time. It actually may very well be a sign of the effectiveness of therapy if it initially produces such intense pain and feelings-- it is bringing up some really important stuff to deal with that would otherwise just lay hidden yet still there and causing pain.
Sorry I wrote a lot-- I have been thinking about this too, and it all just came out.
Posted by emmanuel98 on February 7, 2011, at 18:36:28
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 20:35:07
My p-doc made it very clear from the beginning that we would see one another only once a week, unless there was an emergency. He said more than that would make me too dependent on him and make things more intense than they already were. I could barely get through the week, I thought about him so much and was so intense and dependent, and I suppose he knew best, having decades of experience doing therapy. Now I see him once a month and that is enough.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 7, 2011, at 20:51:35
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 7, 2011, at 18:36:28
Emmanuel,
That makes sense-- when you (generic) feel that dependent and needy, it seems like the more you see your therapist, then the more the need is met, and the better things are. Although it seems sort of counter-intuitive at first, I think you are right that seeing him all the time would just make the dependency deepen to a more deeply debilitated place. Sometimes when I am in that deep place of longing and thinking about him that you describe, I find myself feeling angry towards him-- like he is frustrating me on purpose by his absence. I don't believe this is actually true, but it is just a feeling I get a lot.
Emmanuel, if you don't mind my asking, how long were you in therapy on a weekly basis (with the same therapist) until you went to a monthly basis? I am presuming that you probably did this gradually too.
You know all of this that we are talking about here-- the super intense longing for our therapist (and it is intensely focused in one individual and seems like it could never be anyone else)-- is creating huge problems for me. To bounce off another thread here, this is really the source of much of my current chaos. I feel like I am in bondage to my therapist through this longing. Without him, I would be moving on in life to the next thing-- probably listening to my inner restlessness by going to a new city or a new country for a while. But as it stands, while most people around me are moving on and away-- I HAVE to stay in this city where I live becaue my therapist is here. I need more time with him-- but I ask myself: how much time is enough time? 3 more months (a summer)? Probably not. A year? Maybe. Longer? Then I wonder if he would work with me longer...I am embarrassed to ask him directly, like maybe he doesn't want to work with me.
Sometimes-- I know this is really stupid-- I get the feeling that I am not "serious" enough for him to work with-- like I am not "bad off" enough. I don't know what other problems his other clients have. Often, I really, really want to know and wish I were a fly on a wall in their sessions. I guess the implication would be that if I am not "bad off" enough, he would want to terminate me. But I feel in distress most of the time. But I still compare myself to others.
I have heard someone once refer to therapy as a "luxury" (I think it was a website). That seems ridiculous to me. I think in many cases, therapy is a life or death matter. Those who don't have it, will be dead-- either literally/physically or emotionally/relationally (in another sense, literally). That idea of it as a "luxury" made me mad.
Posted by emmanuel98 on February 7, 2011, at 22:12:04
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » emmanuel98, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 7, 2011, at 20:51:35
I saw him weekly for five years. When I had seen him for about five months, he said to me that I could do this with any competent therapist, that it wasn't really about him. It would be hard to see someone else, but not as hard as I imagined. You need to keep that in mind. You were a transference in waiting. Any therapist who connected with you would send you into this tailspin. You could move and find another therapist with whom you had time to work through this. Holding your life in limbo because of your intense reaction to your therapist is not healthy. Have you talked to him about this?
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 7, 2011, at 22:52:19
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 7, 2011, at 22:12:04
Thanks, Emmanuel.
I know. This is a HUGE deal. I'm not sure if it is totally holding my life in limbo-- it may be. But part of me feels like I have no "real, substantive" live that I am holding out on.
I feel like before I CAN go on in life, I have to first stop and work with some things-- the conditions that make this transference so intense. My "idea" of "going on" in life would be to move to the next school, the next spiritual community (I mean I have literally considered--as in having contacted them-- living at this community that resides in a castle in the outer Hebrides of Scotland), the next one or two-year project. And in these things, what I want is just a piece of meaning, of purspose, of life, a glimpse of who I am and who I should be, and to touch that longing which haunts me so deeply-- the longing that my therapist brings out to the max.
In one sense, staying with my therapist seems like it puts me in a halted position, as I wrote earlier. But in another sense, it feels like it-- staying still with him here for a while-- is actually sending me at lightning speed toward what I could spend my whole life restlessly seeking but never finding. I think that my obsession with God and with theology/philosophy is *partly because of my own personal issues here. (I say only partly, because I think it is only partly). I think that going to study more of this stuff or God help me, to try to learn how to be of help to others, first requires that I find some deep inner truths for myself with my therapist.
Also, you said your therapist told you that after the first 5 months-- it has been nearly a year for me (6 months off in the middle, but still). I have loved him and longed for him for a whole year. Besides, what if I never could find another therapist who is competent or even if they are competent (which I am sure many are), what if I can't find one to connect with me? (during the 6 month interruption in our therapy, I saw another therapist, who was as far as I know, competent, but we didn't connect on this deep, sacred, most important level). All of these ideas are quite distressing.
Posted by Solstice on February 8, 2011, at 18:13:23
In reply to managing life while in therapy, posted by lola_2 on February 5, 2011, at 18:58:13
> Im having an issue, Im 2 months or so into therapy and am finding it difficult to be social. All I do is go over and over in my head the events that we are discussing in my sessions. So, in my life, as a result, I am avoiding as much as I possibly can. We are talking about very difficult things and Im finding it tough. Is this typical? How long should this last for? People are starting to worry about me.
>
>All I can say is `Welcome to the club!` (as in... the `what it`s like to be in therapy` club:-)
Solstice
Posted by lola_2 on February 8, 2011, at 20:29:19
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 6, 2011, at 20:35:07
> Oh, I see. I think I totally hear what you are saying. I think about that a lot myself. You know, it seems to me that in a lot of the case studies I have read about therapy, as well as just observing what people say online and on boards such as this, I was under the impression that it is very common to meet more than once per week.
>It might be. I think it depends on what is needed at the time?? I had a really rough session and we booked a 2nd one becuase I was in pretty rough shape.
> I would have trouble paying for more than one session a week
Its killer, but Ive decided for now its needed. but more than once isn't really an option for me either. Im happy with once a week, I want to do every other but right now its too soon.
> But then the second question is: even if it is possible, is it more efficient? I don't know. It probably depends on each individual case. I could see myself just going deeper and deeper in the addictive cycle in which I am already plunged. It may be that the more sessions I have, the more I am obsessed and drug deeper in. I think there may be something to say about having to leave each session and doing the "work" of dealing with life apart from therapy outside of session each week.
>I think once a week is totally sufficient unless you are working on some intense things that are too hard to handle. I see more as a temporary thing.
> I don't know what kind of therapy you are in, but what I do know about DBT (which is more or less what I am in minus the weekly group skills session) is that it meets once per week for individual sessions. No more. And this is primarily for Borderline Personality Disorder (and increasingly other things too) which used to treat these same patients with 3 times/week individual therapy sessions. I think there has been a shift in theory and method around the number of therapy sessions offered per week, even with people in extreme distress and suffering.
>Im not sure, I am not sure of my therapy either lol I would guess an eclectic mix...
> You mention that you are having very mixed feelings about therapy right now. I think I hear you. I often feel the same way. It has been a year now since I started therapy (this includes the 6 months I was away during the summer...which still involved this unresolved longing) and I feel like I have largely wasted this year by being obsessed with my therapist and my sessions. I feel angry and extremely sad sometimes that I feel like I have lost this year of my life.
Id speak to your therapist about that. Im trying to find a balance between going back into my past (ick!) and still managing, it has to doable or I believe the therapy is too intense and should be slowed. Does that make sense? So for me I felt like maybe I went too fast, and maybe I overwhelmed myself which is why Im bombarded with emotions and memories I dont want around. Thats what is weighing on me. but I go to therapy and unload them- if it doesn't start getting easier than I might back down a bit. You should mention this to your therapist, he may offer some helpful insight.
>You mentioned withdrawing-- yes, that happened to me too for the first 3 months and is still happening now. I feel in such inner turmoil and chaos that I don't want to be around others because I just feel more and more fake and awful. So I withdraw. And feel more awful.
Yes, I totally get that. Its hard. Thats what Im trying to figure out now. There has to be some way to manage it. Because I do not believe the withdrawing is healthy. Id talk to him. Im going to speak to my therapist about it as well.
>
> But, I think that maybe things have to get worse before they get better.Im hanging on to that!! I sure hope thats what's going on!
>At least I am telling myself this. I think that for both of us, as much as it hurts, we are ultimately on a path to new healing. I hope so. I think it just takes time. It actually may very well be a sign of the effectiveness of therapy if it initially produces such intense pain and feelings-- it is bringing up some really important stuff to deal with that would otherwise just lay hidden yet still there and causing pain.
>
> Sorry I wrote a lot-- I have been thinking about this too, and it all just came out.I hope it starts getting easier for you. Are you seeing him soon?
Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 8, 2011, at 20:42:21
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » Annabelle Smith, posted by lola_2 on February 8, 2011, at 20:29:19
Thanks, Lola.
Because we don't have a regular schedule yet, we just meet whenever our schedules are both free each week. Usually, it's a different time/day each week. I met last Monday (Jan 31) and am supposed to meet tomorrow (Feb 9). But as things are, it is supposed to snow tomorrow-- I think there is a good chance that our session will get canceled. This would be devastating, as it has *literally been all that I can do over the past week to hand on until this day.
I just hope I can sleep tonight. This is really hard. Thanks for asking.
Posted by lola_2 on February 8, 2011, at 21:37:23
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy » lola_2, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 8, 2011, at 20:42:21
> Thanks, Lola.
>
> Because we don't have a regular schedule yet, we just meet whenever our schedules are both free each week. Usually, it's a different time/day each week. I met last Monday (Jan 31) and am supposed to meet tomorrow (Feb 9). But as things are, it is supposed to snow tomorrow-- I think there is a good chance that our session will get canceled. This would be devastating, as it has *literally been all that I can do over the past week to hand on until this day.
>
> I just hope I can sleep tonight. This is really hard. Thanks for asking.oh Im sorry, thats so unfortunate. I will keep hopeful for you that it doesn't get cancelled. try to get some sleep.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.