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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 14, 2011, at 21:07:06
I know it's been a while. I don't know why it's so much harder for me to "drop by" here now. But it is.
I'm doing okay. Feel better physically and depression-wise than I have in years. But December was hard for me. I think the depression has lifted enough for me to feel true grief over losing my T last December. I'm okay with new T -- like her and I think we've done some decent work together, but it's still pretty surface stuff. New T says she can see the grief I feel over my T at the surface and she's going to push me some on that. And she keeps reminding me that it's okay to cry with her. Not gonna happen anytime soon though.
I miss my T and the connection with her. I never, ever imagined that I'd go a year without seeing her, which is at the very least what it's going to be. She has not made time to see me on any of her trips to my area and I finally asked her to stop telling me she was coming. I suspect she was here last month, but I didn't ask and she didn't say.
I will probably be going to her area soonish for work and she has said that we could get together then.
On the other hand, she emailed me tonight to share with me something sad that happened to her recently and she asked if she could call on my birthday. So we are working it out, but it's still so very different.
Did I mention how much I miss her? I told her that in the last call, right before Christmas, and she said, "Actually, I miss you too." I teased her about being surprised about that, but it was a good moment for us. The first time, earlier in the year, that I told her I missed her she said, "I miss the people, but I don't miss the job." I cried for days over that one.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2011, at 8:51:54
In reply to Update, posted by TherapyGirl on January 14, 2011, at 21:07:06
I really admire you. I think that with all the hurts, I might have cut off all contact, and been left forever with the taste of a bad ending in my mouth.
But the two of you are delicately forging a different sort of relationship. It sounds as if you are keeping the relationship as a priority even when it hurts, and accepting, as gracefully as possible, the limitations. And it can't be all that easy for her either to chart the boundaries between reciprocity and the duties that fall to therapists, former or not.
I imagine her first response, about not missing the work, were made when she was tired and perhaps depressed from her husband's death?
It's great that you found a new therapist you like and who is able to help you, despite not having the depth of a long term relationship.
I hope I can do half so well as you, when the time comes. But I doubt it.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2011, at 8:53:47
In reply to Re: Update » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2011, at 8:51:54
Duties was a poor choice of word. Responsibilities is what I meant.
Obviously your relationship goes far beyond duties.
Posted by pegasus on January 17, 2011, at 10:34:59
In reply to Update, posted by TherapyGirl on January 14, 2011, at 21:07:06
"I miss the people, but I don't miss the job."
Wow, I would have cried over that, too. Both the generalization of her missing *people*, (I mean, why couldn't she say that she missed *you*), and the overall message that she's glad not to be doing therapy anymore. It sounds like it's hard for her to navigate the change in your relationship, where technically you're not her client anymore, but you're going to respond in many ways as though you still are.
I'm glad this time that she said she missed you. That's got to feel good, even in the midst of your grief.
I know from experience how hard it is to grieve for someone who is not dead, but instead has chosen not to be in your life anymore. Even when the reason is really "good". It's even harder that you can't mourn with other people who knew her. I'm really sorry for all the pain you are going through.
- P
This is the end of the thread.
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