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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Annabelle Smith on January 1, 2011, at 18:49:24
I had a bad phone session with my therapist on Friday-- I needed this session so badly, and during the session, everything went wrong. I think it was hard for us to hear each other, but nearly every single thing that I wanted to talk about, wasn't talked about. Sometimes he would want to draw out points that I didn't want to talk about-- we would argue from our different persepectives: I would tell him the truth, that I do feel dependent and attached, and he would offer a "counter voice" that said, no, I am not dependent because I often disagree with what he says.
But I do feel merged-- something terrible has happened to me. Because of this merging, I am in bondage. He feels like safety, God, and self and the relationship borders on the source of "the" unnameable haunting feeling that escapes my every attempt to articulate and that which others can't understand.
I feel so alone.
I just want somebody to know, I am suffering.
It has to do with everything-- my therapist, feeling eternally alone, my mom (we spend every evening together, just the two of us alone-- she loves me but I can't get away).
I am so exhausted.
I am ready to leave this life-- my time feels like it should be done. If there is a God I want this God to have mercy and take me.
I want out, out, out. I need a way out.
I can't stand this any longer. It is hell and death is better.
Posted by mystickangaroo on January 1, 2011, at 20:35:25
In reply to can't stand it, posted by Annabelle Smith on January 1, 2011, at 18:49:24
Annabelle
all you have to manage is one day at a time and you are doing that.
Your T is pointing out boundaries. I hear 2 different perspectives on dependent. That you see your self merging with his. And he is saying no you are still you...
Kierkergaard once said to be a human being we need to be an individual and a member of a group at the same time. My sense of You is that you are being torn apart by this tension. And yes it is PAINFUL.
Finding the common language of therapy is hard work. I hate it myself. But it is finding that common language that we get to tell our own story... to name the unanameable. Or even be able to sit with mystery and not be overwhelmed by it.
Keep posting
Posted by obsidian on January 2, 2011, at 22:02:03
In reply to can't stand it, posted by Annabelle Smith on January 1, 2011, at 18:49:24
to find a way to remain connected is a difficult task. I think you really do need to talk to other people about this while you're struggling to talk with your T. The journaling and coming here is a good way to do that when others aren't around.
This is the end of the thread.
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