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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 13:20:46
there are no words.
i've emailed her 2 maybe 3 times. no response.
shes talked with my pdoc and he talked about "burning bridges".i am so ....hurt, distraught, lost inside i dont know what to do.
pdoc is sending me to partial hosp (day hosp) for the rest of the week IF he can get me in. honestly i dont know what i will do if he cant.
he wont Rx any meds till then!
so i have my adderall and klonipin and gabapentin. (anxiety and slight (everso slight) lift of mood).all i've been through with her. i cant believe that she wouldn't give me a second chance. IT WASNT ME!!! IT WAS THAT F-ING ABILIFY!!!! i'm off it now. the anger urge, is gone. simply gone.
so i have no one. they will set me up in partial probably with some dumb @##. there is NO F-ING WAY I"M GOING THROUGH ALL MY CRAP AGAIN!!!! EVER!!!!! FOR ANYONW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My God! i feel truly forsaken!
i understand.
i Never thought, it never even entered my mind that i'd loose her.
Damn i cant stop crying.i'd better stop for now.
b2c
Posted by sigismund on December 6, 2010, at 13:30:12
In reply to i think i lost my t, posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 13:20:46
I read about the Abilify (which sounded just awful)and the anger it caused but I wasn't aware of the damage to your relations with you T.
Gabapentin? I wish it would send me to f*ck*ng sleep. I woke before 2 and took some and a whole lot of alternative things but none of it got me back to sleep.
Do you really know you've lost your T?
I hope it isn't so.
Posted by emmanuel98 on December 6, 2010, at 21:02:57
In reply to i think i lost my t, posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 13:20:46
I'm sorry but I think I lost part of this thread. What happened between you and your T? Did you lash out at her and now she won't see you?
Posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 22:00:16
In reply to Re: i think i lost my t » B2chica, posted by sigismund on December 6, 2010, at 13:30:12
its the klonipin that sends me to sleep. gaba just at first.
i dont know for sure...but i havent heard from her OR heard through my pdoc about her continuing.
i think our relationship has forever changed even if she does see me again.why does this emotional sh#t have to be so hard! so awful! and WHY dont people understand that?
Posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 22:04:39
In reply to Re: i think i lost my t, posted by emmanuel98 on December 6, 2010, at 21:02:57
yep, pretty much.
actually i was doing some very aggressive "Self-injourous" behavior. hitting head against window then wall as hard as i could. then when she kept telling me "should i get help" for the 8th time and i've said yes twice i threw something at her, it wsa blue and i think it hit her leg.you guys. thats NOT ME. i'm SO NOT LIKE THAT! it, it was uncontrollable. i wanted SO Badly for someone to just pin me down and let me scream and try to move to get all that out
i know, i know...be careful what you wish for right?
but thats the story.
-god help me.
Posted by Anemone on December 7, 2010, at 9:32:37
In reply to i think i lost my t, posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 13:20:46
B2Chica, I am so sorry, your pain really comes through in your words. I can feel your deep hurt. Did you explain everything in your emails, to help her understand what is honestly going on inside you?
Posted by Willful on December 7, 2010, at 10:47:24
In reply to Re: i think i lost my t, posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 22:00:16
The problem for your T is that when you cross the line into physical assault, it may seem that she isn't able to help you contain or manage your rage.
I don't think it really helps to focus on the abilify as the cause of it. It could be that if you take fuller responsibility for the anger, you may be able to work on it more directly and begin to address whatever else in you contributes to it.
I'm very sorry that you lost your T because of this, and hope you can find someone to give you emotional support. Is there anyone else you could turn to?
Willful
Posted by emmanuel98 on December 7, 2010, at 20:33:11
In reply to Re: i think i lost my t » emmanuel98, posted by B2chica on December 6, 2010, at 22:04:39
T's sometimes become frightened of patients who seem violent of out-of-control. They make a considered decision, usually with the advice of a supervisor, that they are not able to work with the patient anymore. It seems this is what happened to you. Can you work, perhaps, with an anger management specialist before looking for another T?
It's hard for me to believe that abilify caused your anger. Maybe it released something in you that made it easier to express the anger. Abilify, like other anti-psychotics, tends to calm people down and can even be used on a prn basis to calm out-of-control psychosis or rage.
Posted by B2Chica on December 10, 2010, at 16:18:14
In reply to Re: i think i lost my t, posted by emmanuel98 on December 7, 2010, at 20:33:11
i do take responsibility for my actions....totally. but my problems is yes that the alcohol and abilify/klonipin allowed me to release this. cuz the anger is toward myself. and her containing this is totally new (although we had talked long ago about my fear of my anger inside).
but funny that since i stopped abilify anger stopped. i took klonipin last night and had anger this morning. pdoc told me today to stop with the klonipin cuz it works on the same receptors that alcohol does.... causeing same issue.
This is the end of the thread.
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