Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 940981

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Therapist's husband died

Posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2010, at 15:43:24

A week ago I learned that my therapists husband died of a brain tumor and ever since I have been falling apart. I knew him as an acquaintance for over 15 years and he was always the nicest guy. I knew he was sick a few years ago but then things seem to have gotten better and then poof, I learned that he died. Now i am in a situation that i feel terrible that this man died, i feel terrible for my therapist who i want only good to happen to, and this has triggerred the memory of deaths in my own family, and the fact that i live with my 85yr old grandmother. My therapist is unavailable as she is mourning the death of her husband and i feel so alone with all of my feelings concerning all this. I have been such a wreck since i heard about this and i just dont know what to do with myself anymore. Any comments would be helpful.
Mel

 

Re: Therapist's husband died » mmealltalk

Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2010, at 23:56:51

In reply to Therapist's husband died, posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2010, at 15:43:24

I am so sorry.

I think your reaction sounds perfectly normal. Of course this would shake you, both in terms of recalling your own loss and in terms of disrupting a stable source of support.

I experienced it to a lesser extent when my therapist lost his mother. It's hard to give them the time to pull themselves back together so they can come and be a therapist to others again. And sometimes it's hard to go back to therapy and talk about the issues caused by their loss, or even about our own issues, knowing the grief they must be feeling.... Or so it was for me anyway.

Can you spread your support network out a bit wider for a while? Distribute the weight to other legs on your support stool (so to speak)?

Babble, friends or family, and if necessary a fill in therapist?

It of course isn't your therapist's fault, and it's totally understandable that she'll be gone for a while and at less than her best for a while longer perhaps. I can definitely feel a lot of compassion for her, while at the same time I understand that your needs don't disappear when she isn't available to meet them. In fact, it's perfectly logical that they might grow stronger. It's even worse because of the nature of the relationship. It's not one where you can share her grief, or be a comfort to her. All the compassion you feel for her has no natural outlet. So definitely, lean on as many sources of strength as you can find.

 

Re: Therapist's husband died

Posted by Annierose on March 28, 2010, at 8:23:58

In reply to Therapist's husband died, posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2010, at 15:43:24

I want to offer you support, but I have few words. It is so sad. And of course you want to be there to support your therapist, but at the same time, you are grieving the loss of your therapy.

It sucks when our therapist's real lives interferes with our work. I know, it sounds and feels selfish, but it is how it feels.

I would send my t a card, letting her know my thoughts were with her during this difficult time.

 

Re: Therapist's husband died

Posted by workinprogress on March 28, 2010, at 11:33:53

In reply to Therapist's husband died, posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2010, at 15:43:24

I think Dinah's comments are excellent... important to take care of yourself by trying to find some support elsewhere in the meantime.

I feel for you. I know I have a hugely hard time with my therapist's absence (or mine from her). We just got through a week away, I had a week with her, and now I have to go out of town for a week unexpectedly. That is hard- just the not seeing them. But, then it's even harder when you add in all the emotions you have around death, the fact that she isn't available, can't support you right now, and the fact just is.... your need doesn't go away because she isn't able to meet it. I hope you can find someone to talk things through with- this shouldn't be a grin and bear it situation. Is she perhaps referring people at all in her absence?

Hang in there and take care of yourself...
xo
WIP

 

Re: Therapist's husband died

Posted by rnny on March 28, 2010, at 23:40:38

In reply to Therapist's husband died, posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2010, at 15:43:24

Has your therapist left anyone to fill in for her while she is on leave?


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