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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
I didn't have the money to pay him for every week, so had to go 2 times a month. Been with him for 6 years; never missed a payment.
I would have bet my life that he would have (for a few months, until I could pay regularly again); lowered my fee.
I talked to another therapist and he said, 'I apologize for our profession."
I concur with that. My t has 3 areas of income and a 2 income family........working on overcoming that disappointment and resentment.
I told him I was "disappointed that he CHOSE to not work with me, etc......
Just wanted to vent.
Posted by LadyBug on February 9, 2010, at 11:27:21
In reply to Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
You have every right to feel betrayed. Your T should have been more concerned with your well being and not his pocketbook. Says a lot about his true character.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2010, at 12:02:15
In reply to Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
Maybe he didn't do that because the boundaries are already so blurred. If he had reduced the fee, or let you carry a balance, it would be further blurring of the boundaries and led you to believe that he cared about you in ways other than a therapist cares about a client.
In being so firm on this point, perhaps he is using this situation to make the boundaries absolutely clear. He is your therapist, he sees you as your therapist, and your relationship is a professional, not a personal one.
In the end, wouldn't it be a better thing for you to work towards engaging in a relationship that can be more mutual than the therapy relationship ever can be?
I know it hurts. I understand how much it hurts. And the message of exactly where the boundaries lie would really really hurt me too.
I think the thing that is even worse was to allow you to spend so much money you really couldn't afford to see him all this time. Did he know how much his fees were eating away your capital?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 12:54:20
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2010, at 12:02:15
> Maybe he didn't do that because the boundaries are already so blurred. If he had reduced the fee, or let you carry a balance, it would be further blurring of the boundaries and led you to believe that he cared about you in ways other than a therapist cares about a client.
He explained why....long story.
>
> In being so firm on this point, perhaps he is using this situation to make the boundaries absolutely clear. He is your therapist, he sees you as your therapist, and your relationship is a professional, not a personal one.It has been a personal one.
>
> In the end, wouldn't it be a better thing for you to work towards engaging in a relationship that can be more mutual than the therapy relationship ever can be?I would give anything for that, but it hasn't happened......I am in school, occasionally go out on dates....etc. I would drop my t in a hot minute, if I could even at least find a (guy) for a friend.
>
> I know it hurts. I understand how much it hurts. And the message of exactly where the boundaries lie would really really hurt me too.
>
> I think the thing that is even worse was to allow you to spend so much money you really couldn't afford to see him all this time. Did he know how much his fees were eating away your capital?No, I never told him.
He drives a Lexus, wears cashmere, etc..........I don't believe for a minute that he couldn't have reduced his fee for three months; that is all I was asking.
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2010, at 15:43:30
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 12:54:20
Babble's got plenty of space available. If you want to share, how did he explain it? I'm not pressuring though. It's perfectly ok to prefer not to share.
Do you live in a large enough city to have singles groups?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 15:47:24
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2010, at 15:43:30
Oh, I definitely will share...later.....closing office now. I've been on speed-dating.....4-5 different dating sites (even millionairematch.com)....just a wealthier bunch of %%$@@@!!...LOL, LOL
Live in a wealthy upscale area (2nd wealthiest county in the U.S.).....As a matter of fact I paid for an event tonight, but we are getting a snowstorm!!! Hugs, Sassy
I WILL explain later (may nt be tomrrow if we have a snow day (for some reason can't post from home); thanks for caring.
Posted by fleeting flutterby on February 9, 2010, at 17:33:13
In reply to Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
> I didn't have the money to pay him for every week, so had to go 2 times a month. Been with him for 6 years; never missed a payment.
>
> I would have bet my life that he would have (for a few months, until I could pay regularly again); lowered my fee.<<----flutterby: now you truly know how he regards you. No question about it-- I think he regards you as a client and just that-- a client.... like a realtor regards a potential buyer as a client or like a dentist regards a patient as a patient-- nothing else.... I think most people, well probably mostly women, -- desire to be that "special one" in their T.s eyes.... but really, when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, we are all just a client to them. (IMO)
>
> I talked to another therapist and he said, 'I apologize for our profession."
>-----flutterby: that sounds like a compassionate thing to say..... with no strings attached-- of course....
> I concur with that. My t has 3 areas of income and a 2 income family........working on overcoming that disappointment and resentment.
>
> I told him I was "disappointed that he CHOSE to not work with me, etc......
>
> Just wanted to vent.-----flutterby: vent anytime sassy. Some therapists can be so disorienting for some clients....
Posted by emilyp on February 9, 2010, at 19:10:48
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 12:54:20
If, as you say, it is a personal relationship, then he really is not your therapist, but a friend. And would you ask a friend for money? Maybe, maybe not. But most friends don't lend money, even if they have expensive clothing and a nice car.
I agree with the comment about setting boundaries. In some ways, I think you want it both ways - for him to be a professional to you and to be your friend. I don't think both are possible.
Posted by emmanuel98 on February 9, 2010, at 20:39:59
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T » sassyfrancesca, posted by emilyp on February 9, 2010, at 19:10:48
Once I was with my T and was so depressed he wanted me to go into the hospital. I was crying and crying and he stayed with me and made arrangements for me to be admitted. But when I left, he still reminded me that I owed him his $15 co-pay. He never forgot that. After a while, neither did I. This was his due. This is his livelihood and I am a patient, not a lover or friend.
I agree with Dinah, that the boundaries in your relationship with your T are unhealthily blurred and maybe this is his way of putting boundaries back up.
Posted by catlady on February 10, 2010, at 1:10:15
In reply to Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
I am really sorry he wouldn't think of lowering his fee. I don't think it was very fair of him to lead you on by having you think that something else could come out of this relationship other than a professional one
I would be very angry if I were you. Again I am really sorry he did this to you. I am sure that there are a million thoughts going through your head. Just remember it is not anything you did, it is him. He is supposed to be the professional
Take care okay.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 11, 2010, at 14:08:08
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by catlady on February 10, 2010, at 1:10:15
> I am really sorry he wouldn't think of lowering his fee. Thank you, sweetie. i cannot believe that lowering my fee for 3 months would make any dent in his financial situation. He is a pastor AND a lecturer at a University, also....AND has a two-family income.
I don't think it was very fair of him to lead you on by having you think that something else could come out of this relationship other than a professional one
I could write a book about what has gone on for the last 6 years.
>
> I would be very angry if I were you. i am; I paid him for 6 years, never missing a payment; giving gifts, etc., etc.....Again I am really sorry he did this to you. I am sure that there are a million thoughts going through your head.
You hit the nail right on the head!
Just remember it is not anything you did, it is him. He is supposed to be the professional...ha....
>
> Take care okay.Thank you, sweetie!
>
Posted by rnny on February 11, 2010, at 22:16:29
In reply to Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 9, 2010, at 9:10:07
What a creep! That is all I can say. There is no reason for his behavior, none. You know he is your therapist and not a personal friend as compared to his friends in his private social life. This was not the time to start teaching you about boundaries, 6 years into therapy. You already know the boundaries.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 12, 2010, at 7:21:54
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T, posted by rnny on February 11, 2010, at 22:16:29
Thankyou, sweetie!
Sassy
Posted by rnny on February 12, 2010, at 19:10:31
In reply to Re: Still Feel Betrayed By T » rnny, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 12, 2010, at 7:21:54
You are welcome. I think he behaved horribly and in a very uncaring way. Both personally and professionally.
This is the end of the thread.
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