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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
Hey there all. I've really been struggling with abandonment fear, attachment to my therapist (feeling ok with that), finally realizing I AM needy and trying to be ok with that... So, my therapist suggested that I come in three times a week instead of two. I agreed, but it's hit a big trigger of self-loathing, feeling broken and bad and that something's "wrong with me".
It's so hard for me to not see needy as bad. This has been a struggle for 2.5 years of therapy. In fact, I feel like we finally may have gotten to the core of the onion. And I've been good at actually saying all the questions and misinterpretations of what my T says.. all that stuff I usually am not conscious of or don't share- I've been sharing. So, we've been able to look at a lot. But it's left me feeling pretty small and vulnerable and raw.
I don't know what my question is really... maybe just looking for reassurance or support. I think I thought I was on the upswing, on the way out of therapy (except that I was so attached to my T), but now I feel like I'm just starting.
Sigh...
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 18, 2010, at 1:40:34
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
Sending you as much encouragement as I can muster. You are doing hard yards. life is a journey back to the place where we began to see it for the first time. You are turning up the volume of therapy. Your ears have to adjust!! There is nothing wrong with you. That aint wrong with the rest of humanity in some way. you are naming it. congratualtions for having the guts to be vulnerable.
Posted by malepatient on January 18, 2010, at 12:09:51
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
Workinprogress-I also feel some separation anxiety from my T and I can only afford to go twice a week. She wants me to come in four times a week but I just can not afford it. I would not feel any self-loathing. I would jump at a chance to go more often. This may help you to cover more ground sooner.
Posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 15:00:24
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
I understand your feelings that to some extent, it is a "slap in the face" to have a suggestion that you come in more often. An unintended hurt kind of. At least that is how I might see it.
Posted by Daisym on January 19, 2010, at 0:01:05
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
I think you are lucky to have a therapist who understands the need for frequent contact and support as you delve deep. It might feel like you are "worse" but the reality is that you are stronger - how else could you stand the work it takes so frequently?
That said, I would advise you to think about who you reveal your frequency too. I go 4x a week and I often get the "gasp" when I tell people. I think you have to be doing the deep work to really understand why the frequency works. So don't beat up on yourself - you aren't broken, you are wounded. And wounds can heal.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by obsidian on January 19, 2010, at 0:29:28
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
sounds uncomfortable, but it's great that you can say more about what you're thinking/feeling, wish I could do more of that
more therapy doesn't have to equal you being "sicker", maybe just in a different part of the process?
Posted by floatingbridge on January 19, 2010, at 10:38:51
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
I'm not sure what to say....3x a week sounds good--and intense. My t says it's like I'm allergic to my sense of neediness. Personally, touching that place terrifies me, and I sense that is exactly the place to go. And oddly, at times, I'm amazed to feel my intense, raw need because I sense that despite damage I've sustained, I'm still intact, somehow.
3x per week--maybe it's an unexpected sort of graduation.
Hope you're feeling more comfortable.
Posted by workinprogress on January 20, 2010, at 14:11:49
In reply to 3 times a week therapy- I feel broken, posted by workinprogress on January 17, 2010, at 13:46:21
Hey there. I really appreciate all the encouragement and support. I'm starting to get to a more ok place with it. I am lucky to have a therapist who gets it and who is ok with me where I'm at. And, the reality is, there's some things that aren't working for me and it causes me pain and I need some extra help in working on them. Doesn't mean I'm bad, just well, like someone said- wounded. In need of healing...
Thanks for helping to give me some perspective. We'll see how it goes. It's been really hard lately, because it is so core. Also because I finally trust my T enough to say all the stuff that's in my head- I've mostly stopped filtering. That means I'm saying stuff that I'm afraid of saying for fear of abandonment or confirmation of negative thoughts about myself and so on. Good fun. ;)
thanks again... I'll keep you posted.
WIP
This is the end of the thread.
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