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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on December 2, 2009, at 15:45:05
My t revealed that he had wanted to (at age 7), ride on a Harley-Davidson Electra-Glide, and his father punished him and wouldn't let him to on the ride he was promised.
I called a dealership and got a biker to come to his office. My t called me in and I said, "I have someone I would like you to meet." he didn't question me at all, but walked outdoors with me.
I introduced him to the biker (John), and said (T---this is the ride you missed 50 years ago....Merry Christmas!)
I was so fearful he might not want to go, but I handed him the windbreaker and he put the helmet on, and away he went. he was ecstatic, like a child and thrilled to pieces.
He told me I was too much...I told him it was better than not being enough! LOL, LOL
I bought him a gorgeous knife (Harley-Davidson)to remember that night by (I ordinarily don't like knives but this one is beautiful).
He took a picture of me next to the bike!
So wonderful to do something for something...as a first...I told him that at our age, there aren't many "firsts"---but I was able to make a childhood dream come true for him after 50 years.
Smiles, Sassy
Posted by lingonberry on December 2, 2009, at 16:34:20
In reply to A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 2, 2009, at 15:45:05
Hi sassyfrancesca,
What a nice thing to do. So very nice of you. Youve not just made his day, youve made his Christmas. Probably one of the best gifts ever. He must be very proud having such a loving and caring client. I can almost visualize him on that bike LOL. I understand that you were frightened, that was very courages.
Thats funny; I was just surfing on the internet for a gift to my T. I havent give him anything before and I had my doubts, but I think you gave me the courage I needed to follow thruogh that idea. Im so happy that he received your gift the way he did.
Lingonberry
Posted by tetrix on December 2, 2009, at 16:40:06
In reply to A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 2, 2009, at 15:45:05
What a wonderful story, I am amaized at the relationship you have with your T.
You are such a sweetheart
Posted by emmanuel98 on December 2, 2009, at 19:18:04
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by tetrix on December 2, 2009, at 16:40:06
God. My T wouldn't have gone if I had done that. He would have seen it as inappropriate and wanted to discuss what I hoped to gain from it. On the other hand, he would never have told me about his fantasies from when he was a kid.
Posted by BayLeaf on December 3, 2009, at 19:43:43
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by emmanuel98 on December 2, 2009, at 19:18:04
Yes, mine would never have done that either.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to allow newbie clients/posters think this is typical. It is NOT typical of therapists to accept such gifts from clients.
This is a very unique situation.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on December 4, 2009, at 7:42:45
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by BayLeaf on December 3, 2009, at 19:43:43
My situation is not so unique. I know of other t's who accept(and give) gifts.
My colleague and I are collecting stories for a book about clients and t's who have a personal or romantic relationship. These people are finding their voices, and it is empowering to them.The statistics are staggering regarding this phenomenon; no one (especially the mental health community) wants to acknowledge it or talk about it.....it happens all of the time, but is kept hidden.
But, I digress...LOL
Posted by emilyp on December 4, 2009, at 12:20:48
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » BayLeaf, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 4, 2009, at 7:42:45
If I remember correctly, in a prior post - in response to someone else, you (sassyfrancesca) mentioned that your therapist was being unethical to you. Just out of curiosity, why do you continue to see him? Do you benefit from him in other ways? It is clear that you have a very good relationship but is it a therapeutic relationship? I am not being critical - I am just trying to better understand your situation.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on December 4, 2009, at 14:08:47
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years!, posted by emilyp on December 4, 2009, at 12:20:48
It has been a personal relationship for a long time, and it is very beneficial to me. !
Thanks for asking.....Sassy
I continue to see him, because I love him.
Posted by BayLeaf on December 4, 2009, at 17:54:29
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » BayLeaf, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 4, 2009, at 7:42:45
I work in the MH field, and do not accept gifts, nor do my colleagues. This is discussed regularly this time of year. We decided it's easiest to post a reminder in our shared waiting room regarding our policy.
It's also in our written policies handed out to new clients, along with cancellation policies, etc. Other T's I know put a limit of $5 value, or will only accept homemade gifts.
Bay
Posted by emmanuel98 on December 4, 2009, at 18:32:27
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » sassyfrancesca, posted by BayLeaf on December 4, 2009, at 17:54:29
My T has accepted gift from me -- all home made. Breads at christmas, a decoupage tissue box for his office, a memoir I'm writing, partly about him. But he has strong boundaries and I think these are important. Painful, but useful. We are not friends or lovers, do not have some special relationship. I find I am grateful for his boundaries. He has remained, steadfastly, my T. Not my father or lover or friend. I don't really see what use therapy is if your T becomes your lover or fantasy lover. What's therapuetic about that?
Posted by emilyp on December 5, 2009, at 15:51:38
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » emilyp, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 4, 2009, at 14:08:47
But has he been unethical? You said before that he has been but you still see him. Why do you say he has been unethical?
Posted by BayLeaf on December 5, 2009, at 20:55:17
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » sassyfrancesca, posted by emilyp on December 5, 2009, at 15:51:38
Here at Babble, and at PsychCentral where I also post, most of us support T's who follow the guidelines of the APA.
You've posted many behaviors which are not within these guidelines. Why you expect support for his behavior is beyond my imagination.
I hope someday you will see him in the context of other abusers you've had in your life.
Posted by BayLeaf on December 6, 2009, at 8:57:32
In reply to Re: A FIRST for my T after FIFTY-Seven Years! » emilyp, posted by BayLeaf on December 5, 2009, at 20:55:17
was too strongly worded. sorry sassy. i really do care about you and want to help. it's just a sensitive topic. from my perspective things likely look a lot different than they do from yours.
could you consider not seeing him as your T? see a new T, and continue your friendship separately?
bay
Posted by BayLeaf on December 6, 2009, at 12:10:07
In reply to my post as for sassy, and..., posted by BayLeaf on December 6, 2009, at 8:57:32
Posted by sassyfrancesca on December 7, 2009, at 7:43:35
In reply to my post as for sassy, and..., posted by BayLeaf on December 6, 2009, at 8:57:32
> was too strongly worded. sorry sassy. That is okay..... i really do care about you and want to help. Thankyou... it's just a sensitive topic. from my perspective things likely look a lot different than they do from yours.
>
> could you consider not seeing him as your T? see a new T, and continue your friendship separately?Well, I would love to do that, but I am sure he would follow the 2-year rule (which I think is silly)....
>
> bay
Posted by nadezda on December 7, 2009, at 10:05:32
In reply to Re: my post as for sassy, and... » BayLeaf, posted by sassyfrancesca on December 7, 2009, at 7:43:35
Why would he follow the 2-year rule, if he's willing to behave this way while you're officially his patient? Maybe he says that, but you might want to question whether he actually would.
To do so sounds somehow in contrast to his personality, which I imagine must be impulsive and given to acting out, even if his actions are not acceptable to the profession. It would be so much more helpful to you, I think, if you did have a real therapist, and could separate the roles of therapist and lover from one another.
It's something I hope you would consider seriously, in your own best interest.
Nadezda
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