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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cabinet on November 28, 2009, at 10:19:12
How can you find a way to be ok if you lack support of your family? I'm in the process of trying to restart my life. After a series of unpleasant events, including divorce, losing my job, hospitization for depression, and years of financial instability, I am back on my feet working in a job that i love. I have moved to a really fabulous city and have tenatively started to explore friendships. Although life seems good, I feel anxious. I've been trying to find a therapist to work with, but haven't found anyone that i feel comfortable with thru my health insurance plan and can't afford therapy on my own. I have been on antidepressants for past 5 years, but open to other options for treating depression and anxiety. At times feeling overwhelmed by powerful feelings of incompleteness and apprehension. Self medicate with exercise and diet, but worried that i will always be an interloper. Sometimes all that seems trustworthy is the surface. However, at times I feel hope in the profound silence that i tell myself precedes the things that are truly wonderful. This makes me feel hopeful, but not sure how to proceed.
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 2:53:39
In reply to How to be ok, posted by cabinet on November 28, 2009, at 10:19:12
It sounds like you've made exciting steps to creating a better than ok life for yourself. Congratulations!
I don't have any real advice for you other than that it takes time to build a new social network and support system. From what you've said, what you're feeling is pretty understandable.
Do you have a pdoc you trust and like at your new city? Maybe he could recommend someone.
Posted by cabinet on November 29, 2009, at 11:39:25
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 2:53:39
Thanks very much for your post and support. Since I started my new job almost a year ago I've been trying to find a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor thru my insurance plan. At first I was focussing on psychiatrists because I have been seeing one for therapy and meds weekly over the past 3 years. Although he has been kind enough to continue thru telephone sessions, my insurance plan won't pay for out of network fees. (I live in the U.S.) . although he has given me a steep discount over the years due to my financial circumstances, i'm not sure what I should do. So far no luck with theapists in my ins plan for various reasons.
At the moment trying to cope with feeling that I have lost both my children, who live with their dad. I don't think I will ever get over losing him. I have distanced myself from my family because of alchohol abuse, although I've developed a good relationship with one sister over the years.
This is the 1st major holiday that I wasn't able to spend with my children. Despite all the good things that have happened over the past year, this has made me feel profoundly depressed.
I think I'm asking is it really possible to be ok without the support of family or friends, even with help from a therapist? Thanks very much in advance.
> It sounds like you've made exciting steps to creating a better than ok life for yourself. Congratulations!
>
> I don't have any real advice for you other than that it takes time to build a new social network and support system. From what you've said, what you're feeling is pretty understandable.
>
> Do you have a pdoc you trust and like at your new city? Maybe he could recommend someone.
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 13:30:01
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by cabinet on November 29, 2009, at 11:39:25
I think it must be, because so many people do it.
I can't manage to be ok even with the life I always wanted.
Maybe ok is centered in the person, not the environment.
But is there any reason to assume that you will always have to be without the support of friends? Old friends perhaps, but there are always new potential friends.
Family is harder. Sometimes the best possible support you can get from them is to not let them drag you down. You're doing that.
Holidays must be a difficult time, when your kids aren't nearby. Can you find some way to connect to them this holiday even if you can't be with them?
Posted by Elizabeth31 on November 29, 2009, at 14:44:04
In reply to How to be ok, posted by cabinet on November 28, 2009, at 10:19:12
I totally understand your question and feel your concern-I too have minimal if any support from family and had thought things were going perfectly fine in my life; however, that nice feeling fell apart upon recently terminating my therapy. I disagree with the advice that you should be ok because that's what everyone does. I think very few people can really understand the loneliness and isolation that becomes our daily life. I guess we're the dysfunctional dysfunction out of the bunch, because most people create and desperatly cling to people creating their own families even if not in healthy means in an attempt to avoid being at the point we're at now- feeling alone. Sorry , I wish I could give you happier advice but I don't have any.. its not that bad all the time being alone-I wish you goodluck with everything and hope you meet wonderful friends and enjoy your new life!
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 15:42:39
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by Elizabeth31 on November 29, 2009, at 14:44:04
I didn't say that someone should be ok in that situation because other people were.
I said that it must be possible because some people manage to do it.
If I misunderstood the question, I apologize.
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 16:22:25
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 15:42:39
To clarify...
What I meant was that it was a personal question. It must be possible in theory, since some people do it. But what leads to each of us feeling ok is different. I have trouble feeling ok even under ideal circumstances. So it's a question whose answer needs to come from within. What do we need to feel ok? How can we get it, given the realities of our situations?
Posted by cabinet on November 29, 2009, at 19:43:55
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2009, at 16:22:25
Many thanks to everyone who responded to me. Your advice and willingness to engage meant lot to me. Really glad that I found this community!
I'm not exactly sure what I mean by wanting to be ok. I think that I would just like to find a way to be naturally a part of another's plans. However, I don't this can happen until I can find a way to really experience and accept myself. I t is hard to do this at times without family or friends. Sometimes I feel that it was a mistake to reject them, but when I bottomed out, no one was really there for me. I struggle to understand why, but not sure this is helpful. I feel empowered by the things I've accomplished over the past year, but fearful that the real me can't sustain this new life, but am still intetrsted in trying.
To clarify...
>
> What I meant was that it was a personal question. It must be possible in theory, since some people do it. But what leads to each of us feeling ok is different. I have trouble feeling ok even under ideal circumstances. So it's a question whose answer needs to come from within. What do we need to feel ok? How can we get it, given the realities of our situations?
Posted by Elizabeth31 on November 29, 2009, at 20:38:41
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by cabinet on November 29, 2009, at 19:43:55
Hi! I am so glad you shared your post and just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I think we all understand that there are no answers to be found here on this site, but there is an enormous comfort in finding others that are experiencing the same things. I think at least for me it's helped me put a name on an emotion or feeling I've had during therapy, and label it so I can try to detach from it's having control over me. It's helped me validate to myself that my feelings are ok and that I'm not the only one to have these thoughts--the support on here is so great and there are many truly caring people who reach out to help others...i hope it helps comfort you through difficult times. I found your post helped reach me today and I identified with your words, because I have been asking myself those same things lately. I didnt want to be pessimistic, but I know because I've heard the same things said to me that of course you'll be ok response and life will be better tomorrow, don't worry...and I don't doubt that's true, but I just wanted you to not feel alone for thinking about these thoughts. You never know the impact you have on other people...so I just wanted you to know your post reached me and gave me strength today-take care:)
Posted by cabinet on November 29, 2009, at 21:23:34
In reply to Re: How to be ok, posted by Elizabeth31 on November 29, 2009, at 20:38:41
Really happy if I helped you! This made my day. I feel that I can learn a lot from the insights and experiences of others who are travelling the same path. It is wonderful to be able to connect with such honesty and compassion!
This has been such a good day . In addition to finding PB, I also just learned that both my children can spend the Christmas holidays with me. This is huge! I almost feel like I'm becoming Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. I can't believe that I couldn't get a grip last night.
Looking forward to conversing with you again!
> Hi! I am so glad you shared your post and just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I think we all understand that there are no answers to be found here on this site, but there is an enormous comfort in finding others that are experiencing the same things. I think at least for me it's helped me put a name on an emotion or feeling I've had during therapy, and label it so I can try to detach from it's having control over me. It's helped me validate to myself that my feelings are ok and that I'm not the only one to have these thoughts--the support on here is so great and there are many truly caring people who reach out to help others...i hope it helps comfort you through difficult times. I found your post helped reach me today and I identified with your words, because I have been asking myself those same things lately. I didnt want to be pessimistic, but I know because I've heard the same things said to me that of course you'll be ok response and life will be better tomorrow, don't worry...and I don't doubt that's true, but I just wanted you to not feel alone for thinking about these thoughts. You never know the impact you have on other people...so I just wanted you to know your post reached me and gave me strength today-take care:)
This is the end of the thread.
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