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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2009, at 14:59:55
The counselor I spoke with was very good. My GP is also very good. My pdoc by comparison isn't all that great. Counselor and GP say that they care about me and give me reasons to live. Pdoc never says those things. Pdoc never believes me when I am wanting to die. Or maybe she just doesn't care. I don't know. I just feel like pdoc wouldn't really care if I died. She never seems concerned when I am suicidal. She never asks me if I am safe or anything.
I never realized this before. My GP also seems to know a lot more about resources.
My GP is referring me to this day hospital program thingie. Pdoc doesn't seem to know anything about it.
I'm looking forward to getting a second opinion.
Posted by Maxime on November 2, 2009, at 16:53:57
In reply to My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2009, at 14:59:55
I think the problem is your borderline diagnosis. A lot of PDOCs treat patients very poorly when they have this diagnosis. It's wrong, but I hear about it over and over again.
I know that you have come a long way Deneb but that damn BPD diagnosis will stick with forever and you will not be treated very well at time because of it. It's sad and it pisses me off, but it's the truth.
At least you know who you can depend on. Trust those people and screw your pdoc.
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2009, at 17:16:04
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all » Deneb, posted by Maxime on November 2, 2009, at 16:53:57
I'm feeling unstable again. My pdoc's words are repeating in my head over and over again - I am VERY disappointed in you. I am VERY disappointed in you.
I'm borderline so pdoc doesn't care if I live or die. I just feel so awful. I feel like my diagnosis is a death sentence.
Why should I keep trying?
Posted by Dinah on November 2, 2009, at 17:36:56
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2009, at 17:16:04
Deneb, everyone gets disappointed in other people they care about. If she didn't care how could you disappoint her?
Don't fight the thoughts. Just try coaxing other thoughts in alongside them. I remember your therapist told you very positive things not too long ago. In fact, didn't she say positive things when she cut down your session frequency?
Why don't you post some of the many positive things she's said about you? Why don't you write down how long she's been here for you, and all the ways she's shown she does care. Even if she does have rather firm boundaries, and isn't very warm. You said she was like another mother to you. People who have firm boundaries and who aren't very warm can be very caring in their own ways. How has she been caring to you?
I can see where you'd want to feel badly about her. But she's been an important part of your life for a long time. Even if you decide to move on, is it in your best interests to end up hating someone who was so important to you? Or remembering only one statement she made to you?
What else has she said to you?
Posted by jane d on November 2, 2009, at 18:06:02
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2009, at 17:16:04
> I'm feeling unstable again. My pdoc's words are repeating in my head over and over again - I am VERY disappointed in you. I am VERY disappointed
in you.
>
> I'm borderline so pdoc doesn't care if I live or die. I just feel so awful. I feel like my diagnosis is a death sentence.
>I'm sorry. I may be dense but I can't see how you get from point A to B here. How does pdoc saying she's disappointed in you (or more likely in something specific that you did) mean that she doesn't care about you? Or expect you to do better in the future? If anything it seems to imply the opposite. People we don't care about can't disappoint us.
I'm sorry it hurts. I think it would hurt even if you didn't interpret it as meaning she didn't care at all. But perhaps you might find it bearable if you think about it as her saying only that she is disappointed in you THIS TIME with it's implication that next time you will do better.
Jane
Posted by Maxime on November 2, 2009, at 20:16:17
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all » Deneb, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2009, at 17:36:56
I think Dinah is right. Focus on all the positive things that have been said and let them repeat and repeat in your head. Write them down. Read them out outloud. You need to change the tape that is running in your head.
Posted by moonshadow on November 3, 2009, at 7:48:05
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by Maxime on November 2, 2009, at 20:16:17
From my experience, pdocs tend to me less 'touchy-feely' warm. My pdoc is my T, and she's definitely very clinical. The one time she said something warm, I nearly wet myself. But she's a good pdoc. She simply shows she cares in other ways. Yeah, I'd prefer verbal expressions of caring, but I know that doesn't jive with her training.
It sounds like you have two excellent support people in your life. What role does your pdoc play? It may not be the same as your pcp or your t. And just because she doesn't say "I'm worried" doesn't mean she isn't. And just because she doesn't verbally express her caring, doesn't mean she doesn't care.
Posted by Phillipa on November 3, 2009, at 11:20:39
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by moonshadow on November 3, 2009, at 7:48:05
I feel pdocs training is different too seems like they set firmer boundaries. But remember from what I remember BPD is a personality disorder and not a primary diagnosis. Is yours depression? And please look at the strides you've made. Back to your original question why not try the day hospital see how it feels to you. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on November 3, 2009, at 19:13:08
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by moonshadow on November 3, 2009, at 7:48:05
Pdoc is my T. Counselor isn't my counselor. I just saw her twice for an emergency.
So pdoc is disappointed because she cares. I hope that is true.
I wonder if pdoc is even more disappointed in me now.
I feel hopeless again.
Posted by Maxime on November 3, 2009, at 21:06:26
In reply to Re: My pdoc isn't so great after all, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2009, at 19:13:08
Don't feel hopeless. Think of the positive things that have been said to you by your pdoc.
This is the end of the thread.
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