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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 16:54:43
I'm scared at just how quickly I can lose all my rational thought processes. Pdoc's comments triggered me.
I went from wanting to live to be 120 and knowing that there is no good reason to commit suicide, and from actually *helping* someone who to suicidal, to almost hanging myself today.
Don't worry. I broke down and someone helped me. I tried to leave, but they physically did not let me leave. They talked me down. They wanted to send an ambulance for me, but they talked about how devastated my parents would be and I agreed not to hurt myself because I did not want to hurt them.
I was still not thinking all that rationally when they let me go about 3 hours later. I went to Walmart, got some nylon cord and a bunch of Benadryl and stood in line to pay. Luckily the line was very long and I had worn too much clothing for the weather today. I got physically very hot and uncomfortable. So much so that I gave up on waiting in line and just went outside without my purchases.
And so I am home now. I'm thinking rationally again. I need to take my meds consistently.
I just can't believe how fast I cycled through this. I have some appointments I need to keep for Monday. If I don't keep them, they will contact my parents. I'm also being referred to some day program at the hospital, but now I feel like it is silly to go. I think I am OK now. I hope.
I really wanted to die this time.
Posted by Angela2 on October 30, 2009, at 17:04:04
In reply to I am very very scared for myself now *trigger**, posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 16:54:43
Dear Deneb
I am so glad that that person was there for you. And that you put the rope and benadryl back. I am proud of you.
Maybe you could at least check out the day program before you just say no to it. I understand that you feel better now, but maybe it would be good to make some more irl supports. Support networking really can do wonders.
Posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 17:18:28
In reply to Re: I am very very scared for myself now *trigger**, posted by Angela2 on October 30, 2009, at 17:04:04
Thanks for your support Angela. Support networking sounds like a good idea, but right now I just feel silly going to a day program when I am OK. I just get unstable very very quickly. I will check them out though, maybe see what pdoc thinks of it.
I feel bad about having wasted so many people's time today. I feel like I am sucking resources away from other people.
Posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 17:40:47
In reply to Re: I am very very scared for myself now *trigger**, posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 17:18:28
There are some very caring people out there and right now I'm very grateful for their help today.
The only way to describe what happened these last two days is temporary insanity. I seriously lost it. All rational thought, out the window.
I *need* to make sure this doesn't happen again. I am sooo very glad I was able to keep this away from Babble this time. I do NOT want to scare or hurt anyone here.
Posted by henrietta on October 30, 2009, at 19:11:39
In reply to Re: There are some very caring people out there, posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 17:40:47
Deneb: You said you need to take meds consistently. YES! I think that's key. Good thinking! You've mentioned that lately you have been skipping meds.
That's really one thing you can't f*k around with. If your meds are not meeting your needs, or are causing side effects you don't like, discuss it with your pdoc and ask her to adjust or change them. PLEASE don't just decide to skip them or stop them That's a recipe for disaster. Best of luck.
Posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2009, at 13:04:38
In reply to Re: There are some very caring people out there » Deneb, posted by henrietta on October 30, 2009, at 19:11:39
Deneb please do take your meds you have a combo that works just for you do not mess with them. And it's been an emotional week here. I'm also glad your're okay. Please let the pdoc know? Love Phillipa
Posted by moonshadow on October 31, 2009, at 22:10:52
In reply to Re: There are some very caring people out there, posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2009, at 13:04:38
((deneb))
I hope you're feeling better tonight.
Posted by Maxime on November 1, 2009, at 18:32:41
In reply to I am very very scared for myself now *trigger**, posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 16:54:43
Deneb, look up the names of Crisis teams etc. in Ottawa so that you will have it on hand the next time you need help. They can help you and they will help you get to a hospital if you need to.
I am so glad that your friend was there for you. You are too precious to lose.
Posted by Maxime on November 1, 2009, at 18:34:43
In reply to Re: I am very very scared for myself now *trigger** » Deneb, posted by Maxime on November 1, 2009, at 18:32:41
Here's the Crisis line in Ottawa and it's available 24/7 - 613-722-6914
This is the end of the thread.
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