Posted by Deneb on October 30, 2009, at 16:54:43
I'm scared at just how quickly I can lose all my rational thought processes. Pdoc's comments triggered me.
I went from wanting to live to be 120 and knowing that there is no good reason to commit suicide, and from actually *helping* someone who to suicidal, to almost hanging myself today.
Don't worry. I broke down and someone helped me. I tried to leave, but they physically did not let me leave. They talked me down. They wanted to send an ambulance for me, but they talked about how devastated my parents would be and I agreed not to hurt myself because I did not want to hurt them.
I was still not thinking all that rationally when they let me go about 3 hours later. I went to Walmart, got some nylon cord and a bunch of Benadryl and stood in line to pay. Luckily the line was very long and I had worn too much clothing for the weather today. I got physically very hot and uncomfortable. So much so that I gave up on waiting in line and just went outside without my purchases.
And so I am home now. I'm thinking rationally again. I need to take my meds consistently.
I just can't believe how fast I cycled through this. I have some appointments I need to keep for Monday. If I don't keep them, they will contact my parents. I'm also being referred to some day program at the hospital, but now I feel like it is silly to go. I think I am OK now. I hope.
I really wanted to die this time.
poster:Deneb
thread:923544
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091022/msgs/923544.html