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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by elizabeth31 on October 3, 2009, at 20:42:43
I'm frustrated with therapy lately and been struggling with the internal question I can't figure out, so maybe you guys can help me out...how does a person go about being 'successful" in therapy? What are the indicators that you're doing well and why does it seem like it feels as if Im being punished for doing better in my life--therefore, I need less weekly appointments with my therapist? My therapist has made a point of telling me that "therapy isn't recreational" and I felt badly for possibly insinuating that his job wasn't important and have been more aware of what I bother him with now....I feel so disconnected with after 2 weeks of not seeing him and to add insult to injury after I goggled him, I found out all these really exciting events/conferences he's doing (some of which are online) that I had no idea about :( I am supposed to call/email him whenever I'm ready this week to schedule our next appointment, but I feel like I don't even want to contact him anymore. I think I'm hoping he'll eventually realize I haven't called him and then he'll make an effort to be in touch with me...? I was kidding around with him when I said this, but I'm so attached to him I probably need to seek therapy now to cope with my feelings about my current therapist...ha-ha Im such a mess ;)
Posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 11:34:12
In reply to recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 3, 2009, at 20:42:43
> My therapist has made a point of telling me that "therapy isn't recreational" and I felt badly for possibly insinuating that his job wasn't important and have been more aware of what I bother him with now....
~ ~ I think some guidelines from him might be useful.
>I feel so disconnected with after 2 weeks of not seeing him and to add insult to injury after I goggled him, I found out all these really exciting events/conferences he's doing (some of which are online) that I had no idea about :(
~ ~ I've had numerous therapists; counsellors over the decades & there was always a line between their life & our sessions. All I know about my current therapist is that she has a son & a daughter & their approximate ages.
I've been surprised on this board to hear some of the things people know about their T's. I guess there are many different ways that professionals go about therapy. My own comfort-level is for it to be on a completely 'professional' level so that I don't start to confuse it with friendship. I don't mean that we aren't friendly with each other, because we are. (Not all of them have been.)Sorry you're going through this uncomfortable time.
((you)) Kath
PS - I would have flipped Bigtime into Shame if my T told me that therapy wasn't recreational!!
I also would have lost a feeling of safety with him. My 'inner child' would run & hide in the corner with blankets piled on her & I'd have to deal with it (with the T) to Possibly get feeling safe again.
Posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2009, at 13:14:53
In reply to Re: recreational therapy? » elizabeth31, posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 11:34:12
Kath didn't know you saw a therapist. I have never found one but once that I could relate to. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 19:11:26
In reply to Re: recreational therapy? » Kath, posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2009, at 13:14:53
I can go to one through my husband's EAP (Employee Assistance Plan).
If something is upsetting me, I phone the EAP telephone # & tell the my problem & that I've seen *** in the past & would like to see her regarding this.
It's 'short term' counselling. 6 - 8 sessions. My T is fine with spreading them over a period of time if I want to. She is EXCELLENT.
The very bestest I've ever been to over the years. I've gone to various people at various times. Saw one lovely psych for a few years....she was into talk therapy; not necessarily meds.
I think it might be hard to find a really good T who's a good fit.
Kath
Posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2009, at 21:19:41
In reply to Re: recreational therapy? » Phillipa, posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 19:11:26
Kath it sure is. Love Phillipa
Posted by onceupon on October 5, 2009, at 22:50:03
In reply to recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 3, 2009, at 20:42:43
Hi elizabeth,
Can you say more about the setting where your therapist works? I saw a therapist years ago - for almost 2 years - who told me if I was coming to therapy just because it was "comfortable," that I was wasting her time and my time. She worked for my HMO, and at the time, I wasn't aware that I could seek out therapy under any other circumstances. It was *devastating* for me to hear her say that, and, like Kath mentioned, I felt hugely shamed by it. In the end, she was right that I was wasting my time, because she just plain wasn't helping me, and I'd guess that it was in part that she was spread so thin by her agency. Once I found a provider in private practice whom I really fit with, I started to feel much more "successful."
Do you know why your therapist made the comment about therapy not being "recreational?" It sounds like a hurtful comment, and the fact that you're saying that you're "more aware of what I bother him with now" is concerning because it sounds like more self-monitoring/self-censorship than is probably helpful in a therapy setting.
As for your question about what indicators tell you you're doing well...I'd say it's pretty individually defined. Some therapists who work from a pretty strict CBT-like orientation might not be trained to attend to some of the nuances of the therapy relationship. So they might see a reduction in symptoms as enough of an indicator that you're doing well (for example). But that might not match up with your internal indicators, which (also for example) might involve feeling more connected - to your therapist and to others in your life. Have you been able to tell you therapist what you wrote here about feeling punished for doing better in your life?
In all likelihood, your therapist won't call you until you make contact with him. And that kind of sucks, because it would be nice to have this kind of external sign of caring (if that's what you'd take it to be). OTOH (and I struggle with believing this myself!), your therapist is also respecting your wishes and perhaps trying to empower you to ask for help when you need it.
What are your thoughts now, a couple days later, about contacting him? How is this all sitting with you at this point?
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 7:52:13
In reply to recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 3, 2009, at 20:42:43
I don't really like that comment. Your therapist said it in response to your wanting to come in every week, while he thought you were ready to taper down?
I think it all comes down to what it is you need at this point. Do you think the sadness and disconnect are from losing someone important in your life? Something that is natural and normal and that you should grieve?
Or do you think you still need and find benefit from therapy to aide in your daily living? I have very specific reasons for continuing therapy, and experience has taught me that they are not frivolous. Although I still evaluate my need to come/come as frequently on a basis frequent enough to annoy my therapist. I think it's a smart thing to do.
In either case, I think it is more disrespectful of you for your therapist to dismiss your need for him as recreational than it is disrespectful of him for you to wish to continue to see him weekly. Call him if you consider the matter and think it is in your best interests to contact him. Therapy is for your benefit, not his.
Posted by elizabeth31 on October 6, 2009, at 22:30:55
In reply to Re: recreational therapy? » elizabeth31, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 7:52:13
Thanks for all the responses and support-I appreciate the encouragement and it made me feel better to know you all cared. I had forgotten to check the box to notify me when follow-up posts were written and had just assumed it was a stupid question I had written with no responses. Sorry though for the delay!
I knew my therapist had a big conference yesterday so I was planning to wait until today to contact him which I finally did via email (it was helpful to read the posts earlier by onceupon for example where it was pointed out correctly that he probably wouldn't contact me so I am glad I didn't continue to sit around and passive aggressively channel my feelings with him) So, he wrote me back very promptly and even said that he had been thinking about me over the weekend and had thought about writing me earlier this week, but he decided to wait. That for some reason made me feel better knowing at least I had some degree of importance to him. I don't feel better about anything though because as I had predicted he also mentioned that he's too busy this week to see me and I guess I should try to adjust my thinking and lower my expectations realizing that seeing him every week is not realistic. I hate being so needy and clingy. In response to the setting environment, I see him in private practice and $ isnt an issue as my insurance covers my therapy.its mostly the limitations of him being so popular and so highly sought after that hes just so busyhow can I really feel bad at him not having time to see me when he does so much good for the community and helps others. Im not too familiar with all the different approaches and styles to therapy, but I believe hes trained in cognitive-behavior therapy. I cant really email him with long specific questions about big topic things as these are better resolved in person where he can respondso unfortunately I havent been able to talk to my therapist about my concerns about these recent feelings and they will have to wait until our upcoming appointment. Im doing ok though and will try to focus on reading other peoples posts more as I think it helps me forget my problems by trying to help others. I can't think of any sort of big loss or event in my personal life that i could connect these recent feelings with either. Thanks for the support!
Posted by Kath on October 7, 2009, at 13:51:26
In reply to Re: recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 6, 2009, at 22:30:55
Thanks for letting us know what's up.
Glad he did contact you & it must have felt nice knowing he had thought of you.
:-) Kath
Posted by elizabeth31 on October 13, 2009, at 1:06:56
In reply to Re: recreational therapy? » elizabeth31, posted by Kath on October 7, 2009, at 13:51:26
oh wow i'm so nervous tomorrow i'm going to see my therapist again after what seems like forever since last seeing him 2 weeks ago. I usually like to write up some notes/plan an agenda of topics to discuss but I actually don't feel connected enough to him now to like go into the session assuming things like i used to. strange feeling. i almost thought about cancelling the appointment to avoid the uncomfortableness associated with this session. i have been looking back over older posts where other people have discussed similar feelings and i hopefully can use the advice from others tomorrow at my appointment--so thanks everyone:)
Posted by Kath on October 13, 2009, at 9:12:53
In reply to Re: recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 13, 2009, at 1:06:56
Sending you supportive 'vibes'.
love, Kath
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