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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CharlieGrll on October 5, 2009, at 6:09:03
Hi everybody.
well it has happened. My T died last week. We never got the farewell scene. That was tough. I was away when the funeral was so I missed it. That was tough. I did get a copy of the service with his photo on the cover. That was good. Have scanned it, decorated it and hugged it. Most Helpful.
Am having awful trouble staying focussed on my job. There is a real possability that I will be made redundant in the next few weeks. How am I supposed to deal with this when my one safe place has gone?? No wise owl to help my figure out what to do. I feel the loss.
New T. Have seen her twice and emailed a couple of times. Thinking about talking to her puts my anxiety through the roof. Don't know why. (ha ha yes I do) I can't deal with this. The mood swings are horrid. how do I trust new T as much as old T. It took us years to get to the "safe" place. I need that NOW.
Posted by blahblahblah on October 5, 2009, at 6:58:34
In reply to more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 5, 2009, at 6:09:03
oh that would be so hard to deal with. i am sooo sorry for your lost. and i fully understand why it would be hard to open up to someone new. i guess all you can do is go with it, it will be good for someone to support you while you grieve the loss of your old t. so sorry once again.
Posted by antigua3 on October 5, 2009, at 11:05:59
In reply to more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 5, 2009, at 6:09:03
I am sorry to hear that he died. I know from your posts how important he was to you.
Pls take care,
antigua
Posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 11:36:59
In reply to more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 5, 2009, at 6:09:03
So very sorry. This must be very very hard to go through.
Kath
Posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2009, at 13:12:40
In reply to Re: more about Me!! » CharlieGrll, posted by Kath on October 5, 2009, at 11:36:59
My condolences so sorry. Phillipa
Posted by CharlieGrll on October 6, 2009, at 7:21:40
In reply to Re: more about Me!!, posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2009, at 13:12:40
Thank you for your responses.
Life is one day at a time. Tomorrow off to see new T. I hope it goes well. bit worried I am expecting too much. Like I might feel better after seeing her...
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 7:59:03
In reply to Re: more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 6, 2009, at 7:21:40
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad that your relationship was respected and you were included as a mourner.
It took a while to establish a relationship with your therapist, didn't it? I'd imagine that it might take a while to establish one with your new therapist. But that doesn't mean that seeing her can't make you feel better, even if she isn't yet *your* therapist in the same way he grew to be.
What is she like? Does she practice a similar style to his? Did he help you ease the transition to her before he died? Or did you run out of time before he could do that.
Posted by CharlieGrll on October 6, 2009, at 8:17:33
In reply to Re: more about Me!! » CharlieGrll, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 7:59:03
Hi Dinah
Not sure of new T's style. Doesn't seem to have one!! I've done some questionaires and we have talked about the results and that's it. I guess she is letting me "sniff" her.
Sadly I didn't get to finish with last T. Tried to but he was not able to continue working. He just stopped working. Couldn't make a time. After 10 years nothing. Part of me understands completely. Terminal illness is not easy to live with. You need to look after yourself. Protect your energy.
Part of me thinks how damn unprofessional to leave me in the lurch with not a word. Literally not even goodbye. Our last session was postponed several times til I said to his wife ( who looks after his diary) T isn't working any more is he?? and she sighed and said no. I felt dreadful for him and more her having to deal with people not knowing that he was no longer working.
So the great man was human after all. Leaves a flat taste in my mouth. Then again expecting a dying person to help people mourn them is probably a bit much. He did say he would when the time was right. but he couldn't do it. so yeah the great man was human afterall.
And I am so sick of understanding other people's points of view. I want to yell and scream that this is just TOOOOO much.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 8:24:10
In reply to Re: more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 6, 2009, at 8:17:33
> And I am so sick of understanding other people's points of view. I want to yell and scream that this is just TOOOOO much.
I'm with you. It is too much, and you don't need put his position above yours.
As I recall, while at the end he may have been too ill to help you deal with his death, he didn't do all that great a job before the end either. It may be understandable with someone confronting loss and mortality, but it wasn't in your best interests.
I'd be d*mned angry about that.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 8:28:07
In reply to Re: more about Me!!, posted by CharlieGrll on October 6, 2009, at 8:17:33
My therapist says that people tend to die as they live. Most of them don't have a transcendent death.
Your therapist was a flawed man, and an imperfect therapist. They all are in one way or another, I suppose. Fortunately they are mostly able to help us anyway. And we still care about them just as much.
Will you keep us up to date on this new therapist? I'm curious to see what you think of her as you get to know her.
Posted by CharlieGrll on October 10, 2009, at 21:23:09
In reply to Re: more about Me!!, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2009, at 8:28:07
Thank you Dinah.
I can see that I like new T. Considering even to call her "T" rather than new T!! Not quite ready for that!
It is odd because I don't think abut our sessions much afterwards. Just want to sleep. A relaxed sleep not a run away and hide sleep. Even thinking about journalling in my journal instead of the special book I bought for her ~ it fits in my bag and is easier to use on the train.... hmmm I think I will cut and paste literally.
This is the end of the thread.
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