Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Leo Brazil on October 1, 2009, at 21:33:28
Yeah, that's right. I never thought that this could happen but I really think she's doing it in her office prior to my session.
Here's what happened. I came to my appointment right on schedule at 07:30PM. Right after I arrived, my T (female) went into her office with another T (male) with whom she shares this office. They locked the door and stayed there for about 10 minutes. When they were about to open the door to the waiting room I could hear something that sounded like a kiss. After the man opened the door, he greeted me with a smile on his face and left. I guess I know why he was so happy, if you know what I mean.
When the session with my T began I could notice that she was smiling too and her hair was kind of messy.
I decided not to talk about what happend with her because I was too embarassed. I don't know how she would react if she knew that I could notice that they were having sex in those 10 minutes.
It's not just the sex that bothered me. They were doing it in her office, probably in the chair that I would sit on later. Not to mention that it happened when my session was supposed to be beginning. You know, you make an effort to arrive at you appointment at the right time and then your T pushes your appointment 10 minutes because she has to satisfy herself. I found it extremely disrespectful. I think I am going to dump this woman.
How would you go about that?
Posted by Phillipa on October 2, 2009, at 13:41:35
In reply to My T is having sex before my session, posted by Leo Brazil on October 1, 2009, at 21:33:28
Leo they could just have been talking. Maybe her hair was just rumpled. Maybe the smile was cause they shared a joke or were just in good moods? Phillipa
Posted by annierose on October 2, 2009, at 14:13:31
In reply to My T is having sex before my session, posted by Leo Brazil on October 1, 2009, at 21:33:28
I agree that you made a huge assumption based on very little evidence. But like everything in therapy, it's something to talk about. "I felt uncomfortable entering your office after the other therapist the other evening ..." and see where it goes.
I don't know ... 10 minutes isn't that much time to have sex.
Posted by Leo Brazil on October 2, 2009, at 17:12:22
In reply to Re: My T is having sex before my session, posted by annierose on October 2, 2009, at 14:13:31
> I agree that you made a huge assumption based on very little evidence. But like everything in therapy, it's something to talk about. "I felt uncomfortable entering your office after the other therapist the other evening ..." and see where it goes.
>
> I don't know ... 10 minutes isn't that much time to have sex.Well, I'll give you another evidence. A few weeks ago, when I entered her office, the air conditioner was set to an insanely hot temperature. Hot enough so you could take your clothes off and not feel cold.
Anyways, I'll terminate with her not just because of that, but because I think I should start seeing a male therapist. You see, I have a huge difficulty interacting with men. When I interact with them I look scared and I end up pushing them away. With women I have no problem. So, in order to develop more confidence in men, I'll give it a go with a male therapist.Leo
Posted by Maria01 on October 2, 2009, at 22:51:31
In reply to Re: My T is having sex before my session, posted by Leo Brazil on October 2, 2009, at 17:12:22
> > I agree that you made a huge assumption based on very little evidence. But like everything in therapy, it's something to talk about. "I felt uncomfortable entering your office after the other therapist the other evening ..." and see where it goes.
> >
> > I don't know ... 10 minutes isn't that much time to have sex.
>
> Well, I'll give you another evidence. A few weeks ago, when I entered her office, the air conditioner was set to an insanely hot temperature. Hot enough so you could take your clothes off and not feel cold.
> Anyways, I'll terminate with her not just because of that, but because I think I should start seeing a male therapist. You see, I have a huge difficulty interacting with men. When I interact with them I look scared and I end up pushing them away. With women I have no problem. So, in order to develop more confidence in men, I'll give it a go with a male therapist.
>
> LeoThen that's probably what you should do, then. I agree with the others; it's a huge assumption to make based on very little evidence. Methinks you were looking for a reason to terminate with her anyway.
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2009, at 9:26:26
In reply to My T is having sex before my session, posted by Leo Brazil on October 1, 2009, at 21:33:28
I suppose I'm from the "tell your therapist what you're thinking" school. But I think you ought to nonconfrontationally tell her what you saw and what conclusions you came to. The resulting discussion could be interesting.
What we feel, what we infer, what we believe about our therapeutic relationship. All of that is information that should be processed in the therapy room. It can be helpful to both of you, I think, whether your inference is correct or not.
Posted by Leo Brazil on October 3, 2009, at 15:08:23
In reply to Re: My T is having sex before my session, posted by Maria01 on October 2, 2009, at 22:51:31
> Then that's probably what you should do, then. I agree with the others; it's a huge assumption to make based on very little evidence. Methinks you were looking for a reason to terminate with her anyway.
You're right. That episode was just what I needed to terminate with her. I was getting tired of not having any progress anymore. Paying a lot of money and not having any results. So I thank God that it happened bacause now I can move on.
Leo
Posted by Nadezda on October 3, 2009, at 17:57:58
In reply to Re: My T is having sex before my session, posted by Leo Brazil on October 3, 2009, at 15:08:23
I'd just like to point out how easy it is to believe one's inferences, and how easy, once you have a belief (or suspicion), it is to find confirmatory evidence-- without being able to see that this evidence is highly influenced by your prior assumption.
Messy hair, and a hot room do not indicate that someone is having sex. They may indicate that they brushed against something on a shelf, rubbed their head in thought, we out in the wind earlier in the day, and haven't looked into a mirror. A hot room may mean that someone was cold and wanted the heat up, or someone thinks it's a cooler day than you do, or is less sensitive to temperature changes. None of these things is an indication that anyone had sex. Nor is a smile-- people smile for lots of reasons other than having had sex.
But I do think you need to discuss this belief with your current T or, more likely, with your next T. I have a feeling it's an important idea that you might need to explore.
Nadezda
This is the end of the thread.
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