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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by skittlespanda on September 8, 2009, at 19:45:16
So i moved across the country about 5 weeks ago. I had to leave my therapist of 2+ years in doing so. I haven't started with a new therapist here because i feel mostly ok. I lost a close friend shortly before moving and I am still trying to deal with that but i don't feel that therapy helps me a whole lot in this particular case. The problem is, I am really starting to miss my T. We left on good terms and she told me i could call her in an emergency(not really emergency emergency but if i have been really down for awhile and am getting more and more desperate)She told me she would still see me if i came back into town (my family still lives there). But i'm really missing her now- i'm sad and practically crying because i feel like i can't talk to her. Do you think it would be inappropriate to call her? I don't have some specific issue i need to discuss with her and i wouldn't exactly call this an emergency. I've been wanting to write her a thank you type note but she already said that she probably wouldn't respond so i don't think this would help me. I really don't know what to do and I hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach like everything is going to fall apart if i don't talk to her- mostly just to know that she is "there". Any advice??
Posted by emilyp on September 8, 2009, at 22:03:54
In reply to Missing T and depressed, posted by skittlespanda on September 8, 2009, at 19:45:16
I think it would be O.K. to contact her. But as I am sure you realize, doing so is not the long term solution. At some point after you speak with her, you will probably once again feel as if you are falling apart. In fact, by talking to her, you may be prolonging the difficulty of getting over her and the sense of loss. I say this because especially since she does not sound like she is the type of therapist who is willing to conduct a long distance relationship.
You also should consider what would happen if you call her and she does not respond (or does not respond well) since it is not really an emergency.
It sounds like you would benefit from the support of someone (i.e. another therapist) even if you say you feel mostly O.K. I would say this is especially true after losing a close friend.
I know it is hard to think in the long run when you feel this way - but in this case, my advice would be to try to.
Posted by onceupon on September 8, 2009, at 22:28:53
In reply to Missing T and depressed, posted by skittlespanda on September 8, 2009, at 19:45:16
Have you tried writing out what you might like to say to your therapist first? I ask because I wonder if it might be helpful for you to get the thoughts "out there" without the risk of receiving an unsatisfying (or no) response from her.
I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this now. I had a similar experience 5 years ago when I moved away from my therapist of about 1.5 years. Even though I was functioning "fine" in my life and my mood was mostly stable, it felt like I had been ripped apart at times. I did end up contacting my therapist, but she had given me her email and specified that it would be fine for me to contact her, but that we could no longer do therapy, etc., etc. I knew there was no chance of my moving back to her locale (I moved 1000+ miles away), so that made my circumstances a little different from yours.
I did find myself unsatisfied with her brief (yet warm) responses, I think mostly because I wanted to see *her* in the flesh, and not some e-version of her. She was kind and supportive, but in the end I did find another therapist for support (though I never quite felt comfortable processing the loss of my first therapist - but that's a story for another time and place). FWIW, now, 5 years later, I still contact her maybe twice a year to say hi and give brief updates on my life.
I didn't mean to write a book here; it's funny how old grief can really tug at me sometimes. I do wish you the best of luck and hope, like emilyp suggested, that you do consider seeking out a new therapist, as painful and difficult (or not) as that might be. Take care.
Posted by peddidle on September 9, 2009, at 15:10:52
In reply to Missing T and depressed, posted by skittlespanda on September 8, 2009, at 19:45:16
((skittlespanda))
I'm afraid I don't really have any advice, because I am going through almost the exact same thing right now-- I can't see my T of 5 years anymore. I feel completely lost without her, and it hurts so much that it drives me to tears practically every single day. Sorry I can't be of any help, but I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel.
Posted by emilyp on September 9, 2009, at 15:42:38
In reply to Re: Missing T and depressed, posted by peddidle on September 9, 2009, at 15:10:52
Peddidle
I know you were struggling because your therapists suggested you work with some who provides another kind of therapy. (And as you mentioned, it had to do with graduating.) I am pretty sure you sent her the e-mail. Did you get a response? Did it help? It sounds like things are not going particularly well so I was wondering if it had to do with her response. Whatever the situation, I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by skittlespanda on September 9, 2009, at 19:47:53
In reply to Re: Missing T and depressed, posted by emilyp on September 9, 2009, at 15:42:38
Thanks everyone. I guess i will just have to decide if i would rather try to alleviate some pain now or bear through it to hopefully help rid myself of it in the long run.
I think it is more difficult for me because I don't know 100% that i am staying out here (I'm on somewhat of a 3 month trial) and quite frankly, part of me wants to move back so i can go back to my therapist. This wouldn't be the sole reason, but i know it is still not good.I think i will try writing out what i would say because realistically, i don't exactly know what i would say and what i would want her to say. I'm guessing, it would be a bittersweet experience at best. Although, i think i have some small hope in me that by calling her, somehow something will be set up that i can contact her more frequently. I really do just want to update her on my life and just have her provide minimal comfort/encouragement. I'm sure my situation is not helped in that i know no one out here besides the roommate i moved here with who can not comprehend these sorts of issues.
Peddidle-thanks for sharing your similar struggle. I'm not really aware of your situation exactly, but I know i got super upset when my therapist suggested i started seeing someone else who could handle my specific issue at the time, better. In the end it sort of shook me out of the "phase" and thus i didn't need to see someone else.
I hope you gain more peace of mind as the days pass.
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