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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 21:02:33
as i stated in another post, my best therapist in the world retired a year ago. she hand picked a replacement for me and it was a disaster. the hand picked replacement was/is having an ongoing crisis in her life and it was spilling over into our sessions. i terminated our working relationship having gotten zero benefit from her skills and have gone on two interviews to meet other therapists. i couldn't stand either of them. the first one was so cold. she didn't smile once and her body didn't move. it was like she was frozen in one position in her chair. her room was huge and the chair i sat in....are you ready for this? was on the other side of the room! i couldn't believe how far away the chair was. it was embarrasing and awkward. i mean it was really almost against the wall on the other side of the very large office. the second one was well, nuts.i love dogs don't get me wrong, but she had her dog in the room. he was laying on a love seat. there was no warning beforehand when i made the appointment that a dog would be there. and i am a huge dog lover, don't get me wrong. i really respect dogs. but it was stressful in a way because the dog is her beloved pet and i felt funny sitting on a love seat with her beloved dog laying next to me. she took her shoes off during the session and was dangling her bare feet in front of me. one of the first thing she talked about was money too and that bugged me. she also asked me where i lived and started to then asked me "do you know so and so, they live there and his dog and my dog come from the same litter". needless to say i am not going back.it would have been "professional" to let someone know beforehand i think that a dog would be there. it isn't a therapy dog for her or anything. it is her beloved pet. i walked into her office and there was a food and water bowl on the floor. it was very strange. and the love seat was covered in dog hair.
Posted by emmanuel98 on July 18, 2009, at 22:14:59
In reply to a therapist's personality means alot, posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 21:02:33
Psyhcentral.com had a post a while back on the 10 most annoying habits of therapists and bringing a dog or other pet to the office was one of their top ten. Since I began this journey four years ago, I have seen a number of therapists -- in hospitals, in consultations, or just in my initial search for a p-doc -- whose personality defects were so obvious that I knew I could never benefit from working with them. I saw one p-doc in a hospital who spoke so slowly that I wanted to shake him by the shoulders to hurry him up. Another who was intuitive and compassionate but could be reliably detoured at any moment by asking him about his own research, which he would recite in detail. I saw a social worker at the very beginning who had so little to say that I wouldn't know how to pass the fifty minutes. I googled her and found that she advertised her services on a site for divorce lawyers with the come-on -- are your clients driving you crazy? When I finally saw my current p-doc and T, I knew as soon as I left his office that I wanted to do therapy with him. I still can't say why exactly. I just knew I could trust him and that he could help me. I wanted to unburden myself to him. Studies find that the relationship between T and patient is the most healing part of the therapy. Sometimes people just click and when they do it's great. If my T were to retire, I wouldn't trust his recommendations. When he's left town, I haven't always liked the people he had covering for him. He tends to send me for consultations to people he knows -- friends and colleagues he has respect for, but not people I necessarily click with.
Posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 22:32:30
In reply to Re: a therapist's personality means alot, posted by emmanuel98 on July 18, 2009, at 22:14:59
i agree with you emanuel, about the relationship between client and T being the most healing part of the therapy. that is how it was with the therapist i had for so long. she was like a mother to me, a caring mother. she was sweet and kind and pleasant to be around. everything my mother isn't. thanks for sharing. right now i am going to be therapist free for a while. this loss of my T and then all these yicky therapists i am meeting is making me worse. i would do better to fare alone. that is bad news that one of the T's you had seen had that bizarre ad on a divorce law site.
Posted by obsidian on July 19, 2009, at 0:42:00
In reply to a therapist's personality means alot, posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 21:02:33
wow, those are some crazy therapists, and seemingly so opposite in many ways. That across the room thing seems especially weird.
Posted by fleeting flutterby on July 19, 2009, at 10:36:43
In reply to a therapist's personality means alot, posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 21:02:33
> as i stated in another post, my best therapist in the world retired a year ago. she hand picked a replacement for me and it was a disaster. the hand picked replacement was/is having an ongoing crisis in her life and it was spilling over into our sessions. i terminated our working relationship having gotten zero benefit from her skills<<
---flutterby: sorry about your therapist retiring. Unfortunately life is about change, the saying "nothing stays the same for too long"-- is quite accurate. That's too bad the replacement therapist didn't work out. I had similar happen to me. The very first therapist I ever went to was so kind and gentle natured-- VERY unlike my mother. This therapist moved thousands of miles away(I had finally trusted someone for the first time in my life), she hand picked a replacement for me also-- it too was a disaster! The replacement was cold and accussatory, too much like the mother. it was such a wrong fit for me! (I went 3 years without help before I had another breakdown and had to seek assistance once again)
>>>..... she didn't smile once and her body didn't move. it was like she was frozen in one position in her chair. her room was huge and the chair i sat in....are you ready for this? was on the other side of the room! i couldn't believe how far away the chair was. it was embarrasing and awkward. i mean it was really almost against the wall on the other side of the very large office.<<
---flutterby: Yikes! that would be a wrong fit for many people, I bet.
>> the second one was well, nuts.i love dogs don't get me wrong, but she had her dog in the room. he was laying on a love seat. there was no warning beforehand when i made the appointment that a dog would be there. and i am a huge dog lover, don't get me wrong. i really respect dogs. but it was stressful in a way because the dog is her beloved pet and i felt funny sitting on a love seat with her beloved dog laying next to me. she took her shoes off during the session and was dangling her bare feet in front of me. one of the first thing she talked about was money too and that bugged me. she also asked me where i lived and started to then asked me "do you know so and so, they live there and his dog and my dog come from the same litter". needless to say i am not going back.it would have been "professional" to let someone know beforehand i think that a dog would be there. it isn't a therapy dog for her or anything. it is her beloved pet. i walked into her office and there was a food and water bowl on the floor. it was very strange. and the love seat was covered in dog hair.<<
----flutterby: Yes, I think it would be more professional of this therapist to say first up that she has a dog all the time in her office. While a dog/pet can be a great tool to help people-- there is a time and place for them. They can also be a distraction for some,(not that that was your issue) that for instance, can keep the hard work from occuring. Each person is different and handles things as such-- seems this therapist was not accommodating to that.
I wish you the best in your journey of healing.
flutterby-mandy
Posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 11:12:47
In reply to Re: a therapist's personality means alot » friesandcoke, posted by fleeting flutterby on July 19, 2009, at 10:36:43
Thank you flutter. i just emailed my replacement therapist looking for a follow up appointment. after interviewing some others, i am not so sure this replacement and i can't work something out. but i will have to see. i am so unsure of what i WANT to do. thank you.
Posted by Phillipa on July 19, 2009, at 12:45:17
In reply to Re: a therapist's personality means alot(fllutterb, posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 11:12:47
I've been in two pdocs office with dogs present and hated it. And I love dogs. There to me is a time and place for everything. Phillipa
Posted by onceupon on July 23, 2009, at 21:46:27
In reply to a therapist's personality means alot, posted by friesandcoke on July 18, 2009, at 21:02:33
I'm with you on this one. Partner and I saw a couples therapist once who had her dog in her office. I don't mind dogs at all, but the fact that she hadn't told us about the dog only added to the list of negatives that this therapist was accruing.
OTOH, when I was in college, I saw a therapist at the college counseling center for a while who was blind. Her companion dog lay quietly under her desk during sessions, and I found that comforting, somehow. So maybe I just didn't like the couples therapist!
I think I might have posted about this here previously, but the worst "therapy shopping" experience I ever had was when I went to see a therapist in her home office. Her kitten wandered in and out of the room, and on occasion tried to jump on her desk - to which the therapist responded by pulling out a water gun and shooting it at the cat. Only my deeply ingrained sense of deference kept me in my seat for the remainder of the session after witnessing that.
This is the end of the thread.
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