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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 14:48:34
I really am all worked up about this.
I'm going to TRY to start the process of terminating with my pdoc tomorrow. I've given it a lot of thought and it just isn't going to work out. We're simply not a good match. My plan is to extricate myself as quickly as I can, to try to tie up the obvious loose ends without going any deeper with him or into any new territory.
Here's the kicker. I discussed this all w/my T last week and she agreed. But at the end of the session, she informed me that she would be out of commission for a few weeks! She thought she had told me, but she didn't; I would have remembered that and I wouldn't have seriously contemplated doing this.
But this is how I operate usually: On my own. I make these grand decisions and make myself suffer because I choose to do these things without adequate support. What a dope I am.
I've thought of holding on until my T is recovered and really back, but I can't stand it anymore with my pdoc. It's just too painful. I really want tomorrow to just be a light "impersonal" session. They never are, but if I can rise above all the grief I've experienced with him, maybe I'll be fine. I don't think I'll bring the termination up for discussion, though. He would just say that I'm running, anyway, and maybe I am, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.
antigua
Posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 18:20:25
In reply to Termination: Shaking like a leaf..., posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 14:48:34
Antigua, I can't imagine all the feelings you are going through right now. It's often harder to end a difficult relationship than one that has gone well.
This will be so hard without your therapist. When is she leaving? Do you feel like you can put it off until she's better, or do you feel like you need to do it right now? Will you be able to call her?
Posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 19:20:50
In reply to Re: Termination: Shaking like a leaf... » antigua3, posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 18:20:25
Thanks for replying. She will be around, but unavailable for about 10 days, and then we can speak on the phone, but given her track record, it may be several weeks until she is back up to speed.
I would say that I planned it this way, to do this while she was unavailable, but I swear I didn't know about this until after we spoke at great length about it.
I don't have to do the actual termination yet, but I do have to start to let go, and to recapture some of the strength/power I placed in my pdoc's hands. That can't wait anymore. I'm not functioning well at all; it's interfering too much with my life and I want out. I let myself get in too deep, and it's time to get out!He can't/won't give me what I want or need, and I've come to accept that what I want/need is an acceptable need to have in therapy, and if he can't help me, I will find someone who can.
And before anyone asks. I have asked my T why we can't do this work together, her and I, and she says it's because this is an issue I need to work through with a man. A woman does not evoke the same types of feelings in me--and I've tried forever to work this through w/my T and other females.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2009, at 22:50:28
In reply to Re: Termination: Shaking like a leaf... » raisinb, posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 19:20:50
Starting to let go sounds like a good step. I always figure that physical "divorces" work best when a lot of the emotional "divorce" is already underway.
I know how hard you've worked at this. And sometimes he really did seem to pull things from himself that certainly surprised me. Whatever happens between you from this point on, I hope you can at least take some comfort from the fact that he tried to move outside his comfort zone for you, and that you helped him stretch as a therapist.
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 0:05:26
In reply to Re: Termination: Shaking like a leaf... » raisinb, posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 19:20:50
Antigua,
Letting go of a relationship even one that is difficult is painful. I wish you did not have to go through with this but you know what is right for you.
I think your plan of letting go in your mind before you actually discuss it with him is a good one. I often do that before the physical release.
Let us know how we can support you through this. I don't want you to go it alone. We are here.
rsk
This is the end of the thread.
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