![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 12:47:48
since feb. my T and i have been a little "off" and i've only seen her i think three times. (instead of once a week)
there was a schedule snafu, my being sick, her being sick and lately she took some time off.i know we're both human and stuff comes up. but it seems the timing really sucked. because it was the first week in feb that i started having all kinds of things come up that i Really wanted to talk with her about. after the first 'snafu', i was frustrated and closed up and decided not to talk. the next week i saw her but i had an OB appt so i choose not to discuss hard stuff.
then i didn't see her till march, by then several other things happened but when i saw her i just didn't want to "get into it" in fear that i wouldn't see her again...i was right.now i am scheduled to see her tomorrow. but these last two months have been emotionally hard for me since i really have no friends and had no one to lean on. and last week i had (yet another) fight with DH and this time it hit me.
that instead of getting upset and hurt by things i need to either leave him or deal with it.
i dont want to leave him. he really is a wonderful person and i dont post enough of the nice stuff he does...here.
but i realized that when i'm in therapy talking about all the things that make me unhappy, that's all i do is dwell on the negative. i never get insight on how to change it. so i just need to deal with the way my DH is. he's terrible in crisis situations, and he's in terrible moods when he isn't able to work. he gets depressed and feels useless and takes it out on people around him. no it's not right...but that's just the way he is. again, leave or deal.
i've woken up and decided to just deal with it.BUT i've also take this attitude with all the other 'issues' in my life. since i haven't had anyone to share them or ask for help with. i've decided to just deal with the fact that i was not put on this earth to have it easy.
i struggle with Everything. that's just how my life has Always been and that's how it will always be and the sooner i accept that, the sooner i can move on.(??)now, about T.
i'm thinking too since i'm in my second trimester that i really dont want to "dig up" anything and it seems that she kinda evokes that in me.
So i think any crap/flashbacks, dreams, family cr@p that i have. i'm just going to 'suck up" and not deal with.i just can't seem to Want to open up to her again. not to mention now there's this constant fear of "will i get to see her next week?"
*********************i know that she is a good T and wants to help me. and has so far...but.
at this point i just dont think i can put myself out there.the problem i struggle with here is that if i just tell her that, she will just accept it and not argue even a little.
and another part of me Wants desperately to tell her EVERYTHING that's happened the last two months. but i know i dont have time and it Honestly probably wouldn't help things anyway...so here i am again. all bottled up, and even though i have a place to go, i truly feel i have no where to go.
Posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2009, at 13:16:50
In reply to i'm all closed up, posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 12:47:48
I know the feeling and the D is out of husband for me no friends either. Love Phillipa
Posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 14:30:55
In reply to i'm all closed up, posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 12:47:48
I've been wondering how you've been, and I'm sorry to hear things are not going well.
The second trimester, IMO, is the best time physically, so I'm sorry you can't get the time you need to discuss the issues that are coming up. You need to tell her about those flashbacks, etc. because they are being triggered for a reason. But then you have to trust her. Maybe make a list and stick with it? Can you contact her between sessions? The stress on you and the baby is not good, and if you're going without meds, it must be that much more difficult.
I do that, too--not bring things up because there doesn't seem to be enough time to talk about them and one of the things I really hate is to be left hanging, in a crisis, between appointments, which sometimes seem like they are years apart. Consequently, I rarely discuss what's even going on in my current life because I'm so busy trying to figure out what's going on in my head! That always seems so much more important to me in the long run. I know, I know, if we tell them what's going on today, they can help us understand why we react the way we do, etc., but I just don't go for that.
Maybe it's not that you just have to accept that your husband responds the way he does. Maybe you just have to decide that you're not going to respond the same way to him. I learned that when I refused to argue, things changed a lot. It put the problem back on him, instead of me trying to fix it for him. But that could just be me, so pls ignore if it's stupid.
I don't think I was put on this earth to have it easy, either. I used to think that I was lucky (ha!) in some sick way that my problems happened early in my life, and my present day life is pretty lucky (ha again!), but if I keep living in my head, I'll never get anywhere. So, during my child bearing years, I just focused on loving my kids; it's all I could do and I am very glad now that I did that. You have a wonderful daughter, but I know it's hard to give her the attention when you feel badly yourself.
Sorry I'm not much help, but we're good listeners here if you want to write about some of the stuff that is bothering you.
antigua
Posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 15:37:53
In reply to Re: i'm all closed up » B2chica, posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 14:30:55
thanks a. ,
sometimes if forget how wise you are.i try to read a bit here or there. but with no support i'm afraid of being triggered. and part of me is just rejecting help (and i know i get that here...)
but if i talk about what i remembered it effects another family member, one that i love dearly and right now i just can't change that view of him. i need what i have. i don't want anyone demonizing him. its an absolute no. mostly since i have no one else in my entire family that is worth it.
she is nice about letting me email her. but i just can't.
...YES i like what you said about it seeming like Years between sessions. i just miss the days that i was seeing old T- 2-3 times.week. :(
i think that's where i get stopped up, i have past AND present issues that i feel need addressing. so what do i do? address nothing.
>>Maybe it's not that you just have to accept that your husband responds the way he does. Maybe you just have to decide that you're not going to respond the same way to him. I learned that when I refused to argue, things changed a lot. It put the problem back on him, instead of me trying to fix it for him. But that could just be me, so pls ignore if it's stupid.
NOTHING about that sounds stupid. i think that's Exactly right. its the Way i respond that i need to change.
and lately i too am trying to dive head first into the mama thing. infact sometimes i think..i worried that as Much as i love this incredible being that i will in a way depend on "being her mama" to much, in that i will ignore all the rest going on. and when the time comes and she becomes teen, or moves to college...etc. that i will then explode/implode/fall apart in a million pieces. so i keep monitoring myself.
*********************
i do forget what great feedback i get here sometimes.
i guess i'm getting a little of my teen inside coming out with this "i'm NOT gonna talk" that keeps bounding forward.i'll see what comes tomorrow.
here's a song for you'all
here's kinda where i'm at these days...just worn out.
Love this song.
...and just so happened the video kinda fits a little better than i expected, i just tried to find the first youtube video of this song...kinda funny.
Posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 16:33:06
In reply to Re: i'm all closed up » antigua3, posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 15:37:53
I loved the video, and I love that movie. Maybe I should watch it again. Thanks.
Meditate and tell yourself that you're going to be OK, you really are. Just keep telling yourself. And try not to worry about how you'll be with the "empty nest" right now. You're just filling the nest now with these gorgeous creatures. I promise you; you will have plenty of time on the other end to deal with them leaving. You won't be so wrapped up in them that you won't have your own life too. You just don't seem like that type of person.
I understand completely about not wanting to risk anything now, especially since you're so vulnerable right now. But try to find a non-hurtful, maybe creative way to get it out.
Please take care,
antigua
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 0:22:04
In reply to Re: i'm all closed up, posted by antigua3 on April 6, 2009, at 16:33:06
B2C,
If i might make a suggestion, how about just sending her a copy of what you posted here. Edited however you need to but send a copy by email or snail mail just so that she gets where you are, and so that maybe she can take the most important, like being there for you, and address it first, then work downwards.
I don't like you feeling so alone. I found that my husband's issues don't bother me so much now that I feel like I can tell my t more. In fact, my husband, who acts sometimes like yours, said that maybe he needed to see someone about his anger issues. My t gave him a referral. So we will see what he does, but I am not making the same mistakes in dealing with him I am calmer now (or I take an xanax, boy it helps me deal with him).
Please let us help especially when you feel so low. And Antigua was right just deal with those precious babies. And I think that since you are already aware of how you need to continue to move forward, you won't fall apart when the first one goes to college like I did.
And even if you do, that will be ok. As Forrest Gump says life is like a box of candy. You never know what you might get or might not like what you get.
I think you are doing ok despite how you feel. It is hard to deal with all you are plus those hormonal prego issues.
I often don't tell t everything that happens. But mine is more around so eventually I get to it.
I am sorry your t is so unavailable. Maybe by sending her copies of your posts here she will get it. Maybe she thinks you are doing better than you feel. I know I feel like I am not making any progress or doing well.
Anyway, we are always here. I hope your t gets on board soon.
so just holler back when you need a shoulder to lean on....the lines are always open.
rsk
Posted by B2chica on April 7, 2009, at 8:27:31
In reply to Re: i'm all closed up/b2c, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 0:22:04
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.