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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on March 25, 2009, at 22:24:37
it's easier for me to be invisible
than to have to engage in some kind of conversation with someone
I seldom share what I am thinking
but I think a lot
I find it hard to remember it all
I think less than I used to
I like thinking, thinking, thinking
and the drugs have taken a lot of that away
I still feel a vague aching, but I don't know where it is coming from, and I don't spend too much time thinking about it, I know what the art looks like though...
a figure encased in something, needing so much protection, and having a few layers, then beyond that absorbing the shock of every nail in a coffin full of nails.
Posted by Sigismund on March 26, 2009, at 2:18:49
In reply to I let people avoid me..., posted by obsidian on March 25, 2009, at 22:24:37
Just as well you don't go sharing what you are thinking. It never does any good. I was in our provincial library looking, naturally fruitlessly, for anything by Schopenhauer (The World as Will and Idea, would have been OK. Hitler [here I go again] wore it on himself every day through WWI.) So they have a book with a chapter on Schopenhauer called 'World, Will and Sex: Should We Commit Suicide'. Being the best thing I'd come across all day, I brought this to the attention of the librarian, but she seems not to have been a closet depressive and declined to reply.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2009, at 10:33:23
In reply to I let people avoid me..., posted by obsidian on March 25, 2009, at 22:24:37
Are you ok, sid?
I let people avoid me too. I try to walk around in a bubble where no one else gets in. I have being overlooked down to an art form.
Have you made any med changes lately? That raw feeling of being, as I usually describe it, a pink slug open to every irritant or salt that happens to be around, with no protection at all, is often meds related.
Posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2009, at 13:47:36
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me... » obsidian, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2009, at 10:33:23
My agoraphobia is sneeking in again with the fatique so avoiding too. And think much too much. So your're not alone. Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on March 26, 2009, at 22:20:43
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me... » obsidian, posted by Sigismund on March 26, 2009, at 2:18:49
ah sig, lol, you're so awesome
I like saying random things to strangers sometimes
....sometimes they don't smile back, lol
Posted by obsidian on March 26, 2009, at 22:34:48
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me... » obsidian, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2009, at 10:33:23
I'm ok,
but I was talking to my therapist a week ago (after he had come back after two weeks) and I said in response to a question about what I was thinking was that I was trying to remember that he was "safe" that he wouldn't hurt mesometimes it's easier to be avoidant
it's so hard to feel safe
I don't want to know people a lot of the timeabout the med change question...I think it's the pot
I had stopped smoking pot...for about three freaking monthsand I've just started again...
except this time I've giving the stuff away, I'm like 'take this before I smoke it dammit!' and I am trying not to get used to this mode of behavior
I feel like it's sucking me in
I just want to zone the hell outso I have to get rid of what I have (via donation or smoking) and then not buy any
but I don't want to talk about it in therapy...I just want to do it for a little while, then stop before it causes any problems. I want it to be a non-issue.
I want to be able to have the stuff around and leave it alone.
Posted by obsidian on March 26, 2009, at 22:44:37
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me..., posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2009, at 13:47:36
I am a bit agoraphobic myself, but I think it's a childhood trauma issue for me.
On the street I lived on my ex-bf got all the kids on the street together and had them agree to call me names and/or beat me up if they saw me
Let me tell you, down the middle of a small suburban street can be quite a stretch if you feel like something being hunted in Jurassic Park.
I'm never really thrilled to run into people on the sidewalk. I have a hard time being in any of the towns around where I grew up lest I be triggered by some awful memory.
Posted by backseatdriver on March 27, 2009, at 13:49:19
In reply to I let people avoid me..., posted by obsidian on March 25, 2009, at 22:24:37
Late to this but wanted to chime in. Solitude can be a good thing, sometimes.
Posted by Kath on March 27, 2009, at 21:16:15
In reply to Re: trauma trigger » Phillipa, posted by obsidian on March 26, 2009, at 22:44:37
Dear Sid,
I would love to live close enough to see if you felt safe having me give you a warm gentle as-long-or-as-short-as-you-want-it hug!
I wish I could beat up that ex-bf & all those rotten kids who called you names.
I wish you didn't carry that hurt. And I wish you felt better & I HOPE you soon feel better.
I send you love, Kath
Posted by obsidian on March 28, 2009, at 13:27:24
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me..., posted by backseatdriver on March 27, 2009, at 13:49:19
oh I like solitude, I do
most people I know do not like to be alone as much as I do
people have made efforts at involving me in social situations that I just don't want to be in, because they think that I'm just afraid to be there
afraid yes, of being there...no, of being alone..no, but it takes an awful lot of energy for me to interact for long periods of time, energy I just don't have
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2009, at 7:43:59
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me... » backseatdriver, posted by obsidian on March 28, 2009, at 13:27:24
Have you ever read "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron?
I can't say it changed my life, but it did let me have more compassion with myself.
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2009, at 7:45:41
In reply to Re: I let people avoid me... » obsidian, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2009, at 7:43:59
This is the end of the thread.
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