![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on February 19, 2009, at 18:18:40
..even when the T was wrong for you?
Sigh.
Posted by backseatdriver on February 19, 2009, at 19:09:48
In reply to Why when you quit T does it hurt so much?, posted by Looney Tunes on February 19, 2009, at 18:18:40
It's partly biological, LT. Attachment is a bodily process as much as it's psychological. You're probably low on oxytocin (the feel-good cuddle chemical), which can affect levels of dopamine and serotonin, and certainly your stress levels are higher, so there's elevated adrenaline and cortisol, which can make you feel really, really crummy -- shaking, headache, rashes, exhaustion, no appetite, sometimes a feeling in the gut like you've been socked there, and on and on. Anytime a real attachment gets broken, it really hurts. You can't see the wound but still, it's there.
But it won't hurt always.
I know you're probably hearing this from every quarter ... now is the time to take extra good care of yourself, LT! Eat nutritious food that makes you feel good, get plenty of rest, take time out for treats and friends, and write here. Talk it out. Also, if you have a pet, look into their lovely eyes for a minute or two -- this actually boosts oxytocin levels! Wishing you peace,
BSD
Posted by lucie lu on February 20, 2009, at 12:54:14
In reply to Re: Why when you quit T does it hurt so much?, posted by backseatdriver on February 19, 2009, at 19:09:48
I'm really sorry you are feeling bad, LT. I think BSD's post made some great points and offered good advice.Some losses are necessary or even beneficial. But you still feel the loss.
I think that even when a T relationship doesn't work out, it represents a loss. If nothing else, you had hopes when you started that may not have been fulfilled. You also made an investment in time, money, and yourself, yet it still didn't work out. You may blame yourself for some part of the loss of the relationship, which also would hurt. And last but not least, the loss can trigger memories of previous ones. I remember there were too many in your past, LT, so it would be pretty surprising if you didn't feel some of them echoing around this. It is probably important for you to acknowledge those feelings so you can move on. There are a world of relationships waiting for you out there, including those with new Ts if you want to try again. Your next one may be great. Hopefully you will have identified what did and didn't work out this time, and that will help you in the future. The pain will fade, and you will be stronger for working your way through it. Be kind to yourself.
Take care, Lucie
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.