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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
I have one more session with my T and then she rolls off into retirement.
I saw her tonight. I asked her a few personal questions because she said she was ok telling me some things about herself. I asked her what her favorite food is and what her favorite color is. DUMB questions! I asked her what made her want to be a therapist, interesting story. I asked her what one of the hardest things she's ever gone through, she said she wouldn't answer that. I asked her why she was retiring at this time.
I told her several times I wasn't ready to let her go, and I cried. I said I had already suffered too much loss this year and this just adds to it. I told her I would miss her not just as my T but as a person. We've worked on this journey for almost 12 years. (12 years in January, but we didn't get to January)
I could write a book on here but I'm sure it wouldn't mean a thing to anyone. I have to remember that's how therapy is, my T means so much to me, I know she cares about me, but as a patient, that's just it, I'm her patient.
So I get to see her one more time I suppose. On Monday. It's going to break my heart to say goodbye to her. I would have wanted to do this by my own choice and not this way but it didn't turn out that way. That makes it hard for me. I am going to miss her like crazy. She's been my rock all these years and helped me grow.
We had a major therapy rupture earlier this year. I took a 6 month break from seeing her and debated for a few months on if I should go back or not. I knew in my heart I wanted to tell her goodbye face to face. I don't regret for a second going back. We weathered the storm. She warms my heart. She'll always be in my heart and in my mind and I'll love her always.
I will probably post after my visit with her on Monday, but after that I believe I must leave babble. This is the only board I post on and I won't have any good therapy stories to write about. That makes me sad. I've learned so much here and had some awesome support that I've appreciated so much. I've had my share of drama this past year. It's been a toughie for me. I'm glad I'm on this side of it and not where I was a year ago. If I knew of the pain I'd be going through I don't think I would have made it. I've wanted to give up a few times but by some miracle I'm still here.
I have HOPE most of all. I have created for myself a little boat to call my own, it's for sure not a cruiser, but I'm afloat, with hope I can keep on growing and be safer as times goes on, knowing that no one will sink my little boat.
It's more than I had a year ago even though it's not much compared to what I could have had. I've lost it all in time and I've worked my butt off to get to where I am so I'll be happy with my little life raft. I'll turn it into a cruiser some day. I will weather the storms that come my way. 12 years ago, I couldn't cope with a thing. My T taught me how to cope with the strength I had inside, I never knew it was there and didn't know how to use it. I will never sink again as low as I've been this past year. I'm determined. I will remain upbeat as much as I can.Thank you for being my babble friends. I'm going to miss this part of my life.
LadyBug
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 4, 2008, at 6:35:00
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
I'll be thinking about you, LB. I hope your last session is everything you need it to be. I'll be interested in hearing about it.
And I don't believe being in active therapy is a requirement here in Babbleland. I hope you'll stick around -- you are an important part of our community. Still, I understand it may be painful.
((((((((LadyBug))))))))
Posted by frida on December 4, 2008, at 7:57:02
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
Dear LadyBug,
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's good that you are seeing her to say goodbye and share this with her somehow, but I am so sorry she won't be a presence in your life. Have you asked her if there are any ways you could stay connected in the future ? if she'd be willing? It just breaks my heart to think how you must be feeling with this. She's been part of your life for so long, and she'll always be. Some people shape and influence our lives forever.
I hope you can share with her and cry with her and express as much as you can of what you are feeling...I hope your last session gives you some comfort.
I understand your not wanting to be here after you end T. It might be painful...but please know you can always reach out. Whatever is best for you.
Lots of support to you during this hard, hard phase,
Hugs to you,
Frida
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2008, at 8:57:11
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
I am so happy you've had this time with her. As painful as it will be, and least you won't be carrying the anger and hurt of the rupture.
I do understand how it could hurt to read here too much, but it's the Psychology Board, not the Therapy Board. Even in the narrowest definition of the redirect rules, it isn't necessary to talk about therapy to stay here. It would seem a shame to lose a group of friends and a leg on your support stool at the same time you lose your therapist. I hope if you ever feel the need for support from people who care about you, that you come here. If this particular board reminds you too much of your therapist, there's always Social.
(((Ladybug)))
Posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 9:58:19
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by TherapyGirl on December 4, 2008, at 6:35:00
Therapygirl,
Thank you for the well wishes. I wonder how I can stay away from Babble, there are many people that I care so much about. I do believe I can offer some support. I've learned a lot.
Posted by myrtledog on December 4, 2008, at 10:04:00
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » TherapyGirl, posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 9:58:19
Ladybug, I'll be thinking of you and sending you strength and courage to do this.
I can't say much more because it's all very raw for me at the moment, but it will be a very special, precious time for you which you will never forget.
(((LB)))
Posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 10:13:40
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by frida on December 4, 2008, at 7:57:02
frida,
Thank you for the hugs and support. This is hard for me but I have to accept what is. Thank you for pointing out to me to ask her if I could have any future contact with her. I am trying to remember so many things to say. A few years back, she told me I could contact her after retirement if I had a need to. I include big events in my life that I would like to notify her about. The marriage of my kids for instance. It's going to be so different.
Posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 10:21:25
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2008, at 8:57:11
Dinah,
***I am so happy you've had this time with her. As painful as it will be, and least you won't be carrying the anger and hurt of the rupture.
THIS is absolutely true. We talked about this last night. We are both happy I decided to come back otherwise I would have carried the anger and hurt of the rupture forever. I don't need or want that.
And Thank You for pointing out to me that this is a psychology board, not a therapy board! Maybe I do need to stay around in order to have my third leg to my chair. I can't risk it tipping over right now! I need all three legs and babble is one of them. I've gained so much here. You've been so supportive of me and I appreciate you so much.
I thought I could make the choice to leave therapy. It will definitely force me to try to fly on my own. I believe she's given me all she can and now I have to fly with it.
Thanks Dinah!
Posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 10:23:53
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by myrtledog on December 4, 2008, at 10:04:00
myrtledog,
I know this is a raw place for some and I'm sorry for that. But I appreciate you sending me well wishes even though it's hard to think about.
I will for sure write a lot more after my session with her on Monday.
Thanks for the hug!
Posted by Nadezda on December 4, 2008, at 10:30:54
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
Don't leave babble, Ladybug. You don't have to add to your losses.
This is a psychology board, not a therapy board. You still have a mind and emotions, right? So you still have lots to contribute-- and we'd miss you, too.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your T. It's awfully hard to say goodbye.
But I admire what you've done in going back and repairing the breach-- and restoring the good aspects of the relationship to their place-- where they can sustain you.
You've got a boat-- but you can make it sturdier and more adventurous-- on your own-- which is a great accomplishment. But don't give up the support networks you've worked to create-- even this place.
I guess all you can do is try to take the good things and good memories and sense of your T';s presence with you-- and keep that alive. But it is terribly sad to lose someone, in this abrupt way, without any choice.
If you do feel you can't come back, at least for a while, remember that you can always change your mind--
best, Nadezda
Posted by LadyBug on December 4, 2008, at 11:35:00
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by Nadezda on December 4, 2008, at 10:30:54
Thanks Nadezda! I appreciate the wishes and source of comfort during this hard time. I guess I need to reconsider staying here because you are right, I have a mind and emotions. I've loved babble!
I will continue to make my boat more sturdy and more adventurous. I have too!!!
Good things and good memories are what I want to hold on too. I will keep her in my heart forever. She's meant the world to me.
Thanks for being here for me!
LadyBug
Posted by DAisym on December 4, 2008, at 12:51:03
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
You sound like you are in a pretty good place and that is inspiring. I am impressed (always have been) by your determination and your attitude. You go down and get back up. There is steel in your soul.
I'm sorry for your losses - and having your therapist retire is just bad timing. But I'm glad you were able to come together and remember the love and support instead of the rupture. Twelve years is a long relationship and it will live inside both of you, even when you don't see each other.
I believe that God puts people in our path that we need for this time in our life. And they walk with us for awhile on our journey but no one goes the whole way with us - not our parents nor our kids or our spouses. Not even our therapists. But who we are is a quilt of all these people - different squares of different colors or textures; our relationships teach us and make us interesting and unique. I think your therapist probably has a big square, somewhere in the middle.
Take good care. I'm glad you are sharing this part of your journey with us. I'd like to think that the Babble square is on your quilt too - multi-colored dots perhaps - but there as a reminder that we care about you and you will always be welcome here - therapist or not.
Posted by lucie lu on December 4, 2008, at 16:38:46
In reply to Final countdown with my T :o(, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 23:29:59
> I will probably post after my visit with her on Monday, but after that I believe I must leave babble. This is the only board I post on and I won't have any good therapy stories to write about. That makes me sad. I've learned so much here and had some awesome support that I've appreciated so much. I've had my share of drama this past year. It's been a toughie for me. I'm glad I'm on this side of it and not where I was a year ago. If I knew of the pain I'd be going through I don't think I would have made it. I've wanted to give up a few times but by some miracle I'm still here.
>
> I have HOPE most of all. I have created for myself a little boat to call my own, it's for sure not a cruiser, but I'm afloat, with hope I can keep on growing and be safer as times goes on, knowing that no one will sink my little boat.
> It's more than I had a year ago even though it's not much compared to what I could have had. I've lost it all in time and I've worked my butt off to get to where I am so I'll be happy with my little life raft. I'll turn it into a cruiser some day. I will weather the storms that come my way. 12 years ago, I couldn't cope with a thing. My T taught me how to cope with the strength I had inside, I never knew it was there and didn't know how to use it. I will never sink again as low as I've been this past year. I'm determined. I will remain upbeat as much as I can.Ladybug,
I didn't get to know you well, but always read your threads with sympathy, hope and sadness. Twelve years is a long time in any meaningful human relationship; many marriages have been shorter and of considerably less depth. So are you just another patient to her? I seriously doubt it unless her case load is only made up of such long-term patients who are as committed as you - a pretty unlikely prospect, I would think.
I am so glad that you two are really going to have the chance to say good-bye to one another and to assess what the years have done for each of you. You have written some lovely ideas of what therapy with her has done for you. (Have you thought of giving her something with this written inside as a good-bye present?) Have you ever asked her in what ways you've changed her? There must be some, you can't be with another person in a relationship like this for any length of time without it changing both individuals. Twelve years is a heck of a long time.
And please don't feel you have to leave the board because you are no longer seeing a T. This is a psychology board, not a T board. Psychology includes all kinds of personal growth. From the beautiful things you wrote about your new life and plans, you will continue to be very active in that area. So you should post us and let us know how you're doing but also discuss with us other things that you may be have learned and difficulties you might encounter. I was not aware that a T is the admission ticket for participating on Babble ;-)
All the best to you ((((LadyBug))).
Lucie
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2008, at 19:36:40
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by lucie lu on December 4, 2008, at 16:38:46
I have not a doubt that the ending of this relationship will be a void for her as much or even more than you. NO way you have something this long, 12 years, and more than a client/patient relationship develops. I think you have changed her in as much or more than she might have helped/changed you.
I am glad to see that you have shifted this recent rupture. And it seems you two are ending on a better note than in the past. Maybe after the past 6 months a healing has begun.
I know it will be tough without her. But coming to some closure, should help going forward. In part because I have seen you deal with some of the toughest situations and you emerged standing, maybe somewhat shaky but still standing. And you are moving forward. You even stepped out of your hurt and pain to meet with your T and see if you could end it or repair this situation and you did.
This repair I believe was due to the largesse of your heart!
I think you are an amazing person of great heart and strength.
You will be fine. Please stay around. I will miss you too much.
rsk
Posted by LadyBug on December 5, 2008, at 0:14:37
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by DAisym on December 4, 2008, at 12:51:03
DaisyM,
Wow that brought tears to my eyes. Everything you said is so true. My T told me last night when I saw her that one of the big things she's admired in me is my resilience. When I fall, I fall hard, but somehow I do find a way to climb back up and get going again.I agree that God places people in our lives at certain times to help us along our journey. I wouldn't make it without these people. My T has been one of those, I believe she was helpful to me in many ways. She taught me I could cope with things, I had strength in me. She taught me that I could rely on someone to be there for me because all my life, no one was. I feel like I raised myself in so many ways. She even taught me how it feels to be so connected to someone. I wished it could have happened with my husband, but unfortunately he had other issues that prevented that from happening.
Babble is a square in my quilt. I'm so glad I found this a few years back. It's been the best site for me in terms of psychology. Some of us have been around for a long time, others seem to come, get what they need and move on.
Honestly, I'm obsessed with psychology. I try to learn all I can about it. My T told me last week that I've done more studying than some therapist's. I doubt that, but I have always wanted to know why I thought and acted the way I do.
DaisyM, you are an amazing person and whenever you write you make so much sense to me. I may not relate to some of the stuff you've been through and that is one of the reasons I don't reply at times. I do care about you none the less even if I am silent at times.
Thanks for being a babble friend!
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on December 5, 2008, at 0:24:03
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o( » LadyBug, posted by lucie lu on December 4, 2008, at 16:38:46
Lucie lu,
Thank you so much for your thoughts and well wishes. It means so much to me. I'm teary as I write this thinking of the help and support I feel. I don't deal well with loss and I've had more than anyone should have in the past year. I know I'm going to have bad days where I cry with sadness of the ones I love who are no longer in my life. My T is for sure the person I've loved more than anyone outside of my family and at times I wonder if I've loved her more.
I'm sure I'll stick around, I can't help it. I do really like this place. I want to give where I can, when I can. I have not suffered some of the things some babblers have been through, but I've been through some pretty painful experiences.
Thanks again for your thoughts!LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on December 5, 2008, at 0:36:07
In reply to Re: Final countdown with my T :o(Ladybug, posted by rskontos on December 4, 2008, at 19:36:40
rsk,
Your post makes me cry too. Good tears I believe. I know I tried my T to the max and for 99% of the time she hung in there with me. I'm so glad I went back for a few times before it was too late. I won't regret that, if I hadn't have gone back, I would be full of regret and pain. I don't need to add to my already overwhelming bucket of pain. I'm trying to empty it, not add to it.I will have to try to go it alone. I know I don't have to be alone, I have my babble friends whom I know I'm going to need. I know I could see a new T, but I can't imagine seeing anyone now. 12 years is a long time. We've gone through a lot!!!! No one could replace her.
She told me last night that she's watched me go through some very heart breaking losses over these years. She watched as I lost EVERYTHING I worked all my life to gain. My house, cars, my job, my health, just to name some of it.
I appreciate your support to me when I've so desperately needed it. You are amazing as well and I've learned so much from you.
Together, helping each other, we can make it through anything if we keep on truckin. Giving up is not an option in my book but I've thought about it many times.
No one, or no thing ever crosses out path without affecting us in some way forever!
Thanks again for the kindness and support you've shown.
LadyBug
This is the end of the thread.
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