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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cobalt on November 27, 2008, at 12:32:39
It WAS the day before Thanksgiving, but I don't recall her saying that we weren't meeting, although she did remind everyone in group, which meets Thursdays, that we would not be meeting today. But this was yesterday. She usually reminds me more than once about cancellations, almost to the point where I feel silly. But yesterday the door was locked. I called when it got to be five after, in case she was in there and didn't know it was locked. Also, I was starting to get anxious & hoped that if she was away the message would say so, but it didn't. I wish I had read the flyer she had posted last week with all her vacation days, but I thought I already knew what they were. And besides, she is so conscientious about reminders that in five years I have never had a mixup like this. I was hoping she would respond to my voicemail by now, but she hasn't. I am feeling really anxious.
Posted by muffled on November 27, 2008, at 17:55:37
In reply to My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by Cobalt on November 27, 2008, at 12:32:39
Welcome to babble Cobalt.
I would get so messed by such a thing happening too.
So you not alone in this.
You mayhhave to wait for t to call back until after TG.
Anyhow, I know it feels bad right now, but it will be OK. Our T's are human and do screw up from tiem to time.
I kinda like my T when she screws up cuz then I know she human.
Take care, it'll be OK, even if it feels the sh*ts right now.
Best wishes,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2008, at 20:14:09
In reply to My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by Cobalt on November 27, 2008, at 12:32:39
Maybe she's away for the holiday and hasn't checked her messages? Hopefully she's called you by now.
I suppose it's possible that she thought she told you even though she didn't actually? It sounds like something my therapist might do.
It is disconcerting when that sort of thing happens.
Posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 9:42:38
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up » Cobalt, posted by Dinah on November 27, 2008, at 20:14:09
Hi Dinah and Muffled. Thanks for responding. I feel so small and pathetic. I don't want to go back. I've never really felt this way before. Why am I doing this if it only makes me feel dependent? She did send me an email this morning, but it was so businesslike and "I'm sorry if.." I feel really abandoned and angry. I really don't want to go back. I almost never ever contact her outside of my appointments. I really try not to be "needy." I really dread going back there. I dread the trip, the walk up the subway steps. It was cold the other night when I went there and she wasn't there, and I feel like, dammit, I don't want to walk in the cold again. I feel like crap. But thanks for being there.
> Maybe she's away for the holiday and hasn't checked her messages? Hopefully she's called you by now.
>
> I suppose it's possible that she thought she told you even though she didn't actually? It sounds like something my therapist might do.
>
> It is disconcerting when that sort of thing happens.
Posted by Annierose on November 28, 2008, at 10:12:52
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 9:42:38
It's so important to go back and tell her how you felt. I can imagine how embarassing and painful it felt to be "stood up" --- so to speak. She failed to tell you she wasn't working on Wednessday. She needs to own that. And you can explore all those feelings that standing there - waiting - brought up for you.
I would feel rejected ... that she forgot about me. And I would tell her that.
Posted by no_rose_garden on November 28, 2008, at 11:57:04
In reply to My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by Cobalt on November 27, 2008, at 12:32:39
I agree that you should go back...unless you've been having major doubts about her before this.
I've been "stood up" several times. The first 2 was at the counseling center, where "emergencies" took my counselor. I understand that's important, but It still hurt a lot.
More recently I went to see a new T and he had messed up his scheduling and scheduled somebody else for the same time. He came in the room...we were both waiting, but he didn't know who I was....so didn't think anything of it. I waited for 20 mins. then left.
I talked to my counselor I was seeing at the same time (finishing up seeing) and he was really caring and told me he hated when things like that happened...especially to me. That made me feel special.
ANYWAY...I'm really sorry that happened and I know how terrible it feels. I still feel hurt and angry thinking about those times, but I hope you can get through it and at least discuss it w/ her.
Posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 14:24:29
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by no_rose_garden on November 28, 2008, at 11:57:04
I will talk to her. I have talked myself down somewhat since this morning. Anyway, I wouldn't quit therapy by just not showing up one day. I just think that's kind of lame.
Therapy is helpful to me, and my therapist is really great. She is very conscientious and seems to always want to make me talk about things, especially stuff like this. She doesn't try to shield herself from any of my feelings, positive or negative.
So a big reason why this freaked me out so much is that I am used to her being ultra-conscientious about everything - on time, giving me TONS of notice about any little change, even when we had to use a different office down the hall because hers was under construction. Also, the last time I saw her was my last appointment of the month (although I didn't realize it at the time), and she didn't give me my bill. She never fails to give me my bill on time.
It's not just that I felt like she stood me up - I mean, I COULD have looked at the schedule she had posted, but I didn't think I had to because I thought I knew what all the dates were and I'm used to her reminding me a couple of times. I was more upset because I started worrying about WHY she hadn't shown up - like, what if it wasn't a scheduling miscommunication, but something REALLY BAD. I always go from zero to Worst Case Scenario. And then I started really freaking, and I just wanted to hear from her so I would know that she was ok. I hate feeling that abandonment panic. It is such a helpless feeling. It's torture. Every minute feels like forever. Plus, it's that "waiting by the phone" feeling that is so humiliating.
Therapy is a really risky undertaking. The irony is that, you wouldn't be there if you didn't have some blind spot, so you have to at least alllow for the possibility that your therapist might be right about something that you are wrong about. But you can never be 100% trusting, because they are only human. Sometimes it feels like I'm not getting any stronger. I'm just addicted to my therapist now instead of some other person IRL or drugs or alchohol. That makes me mad.
Posted by Cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 14:32:49
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 14:24:29
Clarification - when I say I could have looked at the schedule, I meant that I could have looked at it at my last appointment. There was no information about anything on Wednesday night. Just a locked door. So actually, there was misinformation, because there was a sign on the door that said "the door is open," and it wasn't.
Posted by Kath on December 2, 2008, at 21:12:05
In reply to Re: My therapist was not there when I showed up, posted by cobalt on November 28, 2008, at 14:24:29
Posted by cobalt on December 3, 2008, at 15:31:35
In reply to Are you doing okay? (nm) » cobalt, posted by Kath on December 2, 2008, at 21:12:05
I guess so. I just feel kind of hard and cold.
Posted by Kath on December 3, 2008, at 18:37:50
In reply to Re: Are you doing okay?, posted by cobalt on December 3, 2008, at 15:31:35
This is the end of the thread.
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