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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:50:34
I've never gotten along with females maybe cause always wanted to be a boy. Anyway so far all experiences with women haven't worked out. Years ago thought I connected with a Male and we moved. I think I feel protected with males. Females the ones I've had always make me feel inferior as they act like they think they are better than me. Last one specifically wanted a female to help me get through getting older didn't work out. Feedback appreciated. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2008, at 21:11:41
In reply to Any advise on male vs female for me as never got a, posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:50:34
Well, I think I generally prefer men for myself. For a number of reasons largely based on my prior experiences in life I'd guess.
That being said, I've known females who I think I could work with. If my neurologist was a therapist I'd have loved her. She was so empathetic, in the sense of being able to grasp instantly what was going on with me. Yet she wasn't particularly mushy about it. And even though she was very pretty and slim, I never picked up the teensiest hint of negative judgment from her.
And of course biofeedback guy was male, and he was *dreadful*. Abrasive, harsh, everything I least would want in a therapist.
I tend to like the whole yin/yang balance to a male/female pair. Even in the absence of sexual interest, there is a different feel to it. Mind you, we switch roles in that often enough.
My therapist says he thinks my problems with women therapists have been that a woman is more likely to push me to change, and less likely to accept me as I am. And that I'd likely get less acceptance for what he considers the "younger" aspects of my presentation. I think that's more or less a variation on what I believe about negative judgments being more likely from women. Although I suppose men can have some pretty negative judgments too, and I reminded my therapist that he once was pretty revolted by my appearance and dress. But now he sees me as me, and really doesn't notice, so it all worked out.
So maybe good fit counts most. But for myself, were I to look for a long term therapist, I think I'd start looking with the men.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:03:51
In reply to Any advise on male vs female for me as never got a, posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:50:34
People may disagree, but there shouldn't be a huge difference between seeing a male or a female T. Of course some people have particular issues with one gender. I find it hard to trust women, so my natural preference was for a male therapist. I've heard of people who have worked with one gender and then later continued therapy with the other - it could be a good way of facing ones demons! Maybe one day, for example, it could be therapeutic for me to form the same trusting relationship with a female therapist - but that is a later priority.
It sounds clear to me that you would be happiest seeing a male. If you feel more comfortable, more open, then it would make sense to follow your instinct. Maybe there is value in seeing a female but perhaps that is something further down the line - the priority is to find someone who you click with and to hopefully have another positive experience like that one you had with that male T at the hospital. I hope you find that again - don't give up!
Witti
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 17:51:51
In reply to Any advise on male vs female for me as never got a, posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2008, at 20:50:34
Well I think all 3 of my T's are very different, so I am not sure if you can go by sex or age or degree. But I think *I* respond differently with a female than a male maybe. But I am not sure, good question...
Posted by Phillipa on November 25, 2008, at 19:35:34
In reply to Re: Any advise on male vs female for me as never g » Phillipa, posted by Wittgensteinz on November 25, 2008, at 14:03:51
Witti you remembered I'm impressed!!!! Love Phillipa ever tell you second husband from Holland and been there twice myself too.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on November 26, 2008, at 4:35:56
In reply to Re: Any advise on male vs female for me as never g » Wittgensteinz, posted by Phillipa on November 25, 2008, at 19:35:34
No need to be impressed! And yep, you've told me before about your husband, too :)
It seems you've had a string of bad experiences with therapists - from what you've said, they've tended to give you advice or tell you what's best rather than letting you decide that for yourself. Perhaps this says something about the type of therapy that would best suit you. I get the feeling you need someone who can just listen and help you to figure out how to help yourself - someone who's willing to get to know you before rushing into solutions. Being giving assignments to get out of the house or join social activities are all well and good but maybe you need to feel listened to and understood first. I get the feeling you have missed out on that in your life.
There are therapists out there who can listen attentively - who will remember what you say, your every word, who won't judge you or push you into quick practical solutions - I think what you need to do is have a good think about what didn't go well with your previous therapists. If possible make a list of the good and the bad things and try and find a new therapist who is able to work with your needs, who is flexible and open. If you can articulate your needs from the start, then hopefully you can find the right one for you - it might mean interviewing a view therapists but surely it would be worth it if you find another one like the one you had for that short while in the past.
Good luck!
Witti
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