![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on September 29, 2008, at 22:32:37
met every description of a difficult/unpleasant mood and/or situation with a "well, how can we think positively about this?" or "you can't just talk about your feelings, you have to do something about it", or "look at so and so...she's so positive, we could learn a lot from her."
Posted by Sigismund on September 29, 2008, at 22:50:47
In reply to how would you react if someone you knew..., posted by obsidian on September 29, 2008, at 22:32:37
Put this person in a box and post it over here and we can spend a long weekend together.
Posted by DAisym on September 29, 2008, at 23:12:29
In reply to how would you react if someone you knew..., posted by obsidian on September 29, 2008, at 22:32:37
I'd say, "it is hard to believe that so and so is always positive - no one is. And it sure seems to me that we can learn more from someone who is honest about things when they are bad, than everyone pretending things are OK when they are not." And I'll strongly disagree that you have to do something about your feelings. If I've learned anything after all these years of therapy it is that feelings are best handled by being acknowledged, understood and empathized with. No actions needed, no shaming or shoving away.
I'd also tell the person who was insisting that we always find the positive in things that sometimes there is no positive. And while that doesn't mean there are no positives at all, or ever again, it doesn't mean that we have to always search around for the silver lining. It is dismissive and demeaning to have someone tell you, "Look on the bright side..." If it were thay easy, don't you think you'd be doing it? I'd much rather have someone say, "I'm sorry you feel so bad. What can I do to help?"
Or I'd just say, "go away, you make me feel worse."
Posted by Nadezda on September 29, 2008, at 23:19:56
In reply to how would you react if someone you knew..., posted by obsidian on September 29, 2008, at 22:32:37
Suddenly have something very important to do somewhere else, whenever I saw him/her coming-- and rush off muttering various unsavory comments under my breath.
If this person were my only, or main, resource for intimate conversation, I would probably end up in some sort of tangled, wretched session partly of trying desperately to get the person to understand, and partly blaming myself for whatever it was, if only to demonstrate my sanity to the other person--since of course, I'm part of the problem, although of course, they probably take it to mean I"m all of the problem.
Later, I would mentally berate the other person obsessively, listing all their insensitive comments, and the look on their face, and comforting myself with snide rebuttals to their insinuations. Then I would start feeling stupid about doing that.
I can't say I recommend it.
Nadezda
Posted by Sigismund on September 29, 2008, at 23:35:42
In reply to Re: how would you react if someone you knew... » obsidian, posted by Nadezda on September 29, 2008, at 23:19:56
>Later, I would mentally berate the other person obsessively, listing all their insensitive comments, and the look on their face, and comforting myself with snide rebuttals to their insinuations.
Oh yes
>Then I would start feeling stupid about doing that.
Maybe just a tad.
Posted by Geegee on September 30, 2008, at 11:26:26
In reply to how would you react if someone you knew..., posted by obsidian on September 29, 2008, at 22:32:37
I think it would depend on whether it's a therapist within the context of therapy or someone in everyday life. Either way, I think it would get on my nerves, but if it's your T, it sounds like an intentional stance. Regardless, if I didn't feel that my feelings were validated, I wouldn't be at all ready to deal with those messages in any constructive way. I'd probably be mentally flipping the person off. :)
gg
Posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2008, at 11:57:55
In reply to Re: how would you react if someone you knew... » obsidian, posted by DAisym on September 29, 2008, at 23:12:29
Wow that was awesome seriously it makes so much sense cause they're isn't always some positive in things like no medical care available for so many who don't have insurance, no jobs, no gas, and poor heath. My Mother who died at 48 said when you lose your health you've lost it all. And I tend to agree. Haven't read rest of responses yet. Is there a silver lining in an empty bank account. I'm sorry you feel bad also. Love Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on September 30, 2008, at 22:50:33
In reply to Re: how would you react if someone you knew... » DAisym, posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2008, at 11:57:55
thank you all
it is someone who works in mental health, but not my T
I wanted to see if anyone else might find it irritating too
mission accomplished!!
:-)sid
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.