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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 0:32:59
I can't stand myself
I wish I could disappear
everything seems so utterly pointless
I feel like all my energy goes toward being sub-standard at best, and pretty crappy the rest of the time.
it doesn't matter does it?
Posted by Sigismund on September 28, 2008, at 3:04:48
In reply to how do you deal with self hatred?, posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 0:32:59
Well, IMO
>I can't stand myself
S'pose.
>I wish I could disappear
Well, yes, I understand.
>everything seems so utterly pointless
That's different. I think everything's pointless, but that's just life and depends on how long your viewpoint is.
>I feel like all my energy goes toward being sub-standard at best, and pretty crappy the rest of the time.
You're not well; of course you feel awful.
I think you're a pretty interesting kind of person.
>it doesn't matter does it?
More peace of mind would be good though.
Posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 10:55:19
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » obsidian, posted by Sigismund on September 28, 2008, at 3:04:48
I wish someone would tell me how to cure that too.
My T is using tough love-- I guess it helps-- although it's kind of disturbing. But I guess there has to be some love first-- and a lot of history-- before you can stomach the toughness when you already hate yourself.
I keep thinking there's got to be a better way-- but I do hope you and I can find our way through it. I've spend my life being unnoticed and screwing up and being second rate myself-- it's really really tough to take a stand against that in oneself.
I think not blaming yourself might lighten it just a bit. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that even that is an important step.
Nadezda
Posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 11:20:17
In reply to how do you deal with self hatred?, posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 0:32:59
Sid,I'm sorry you are feeling so badly right now. Like Sigi I also see you as an interesting person, with a lot of worth and much to offer other people. But when you're feeling like you do right now, it's very hard to believe those things.
What helps me in similar situations is to recognize those feelings - when I do, then things suddenly fall into place and I realize "aha, I am in that place again." From experience, I know that when I am in the bottom of that pit, all I will see around me is dirt (and earthworms, to drag the metaphor out - I'm a very visual person;)
For me, I try to just hold on while I'm in the pit by doing self-care sorts of things, as if I am a kid home sick from school. It doesn't always work very easily but is good when it does. I find it hard to actually see people, and Babble is good for offering an alternative type of contact that is not face-to-face and therefore more easily tolerated during those times. I also make a list of those people who really love me and whose lives would be shattered if I weren't around anymore. Even if it's only one person, that is enough to keep me somewhat grounded.
But if the feelings persist for any time - for me even a week would be enough to give me a
"heads-up" - or get more severe than usual, then I'm on the phone with my pdoc talking medication.How is your medication situation? Have you called anyone about it?
(((((((((((Sid))))))))))))))
Hope you're feeling better soon. We will be here to listen anytime.
Lucie
Posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 13:16:24
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » Sigismund, posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 10:55:19
Posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 14:45:08
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » obsidian, posted by Sigismund on September 28, 2008, at 3:04:48
thank you for the warm and honest responses you always seem to give me
It means a lot
-sid
Posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 14:47:54
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » Sigismund, posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 10:55:19
> I wish someone would tell me how to cure that too.
>
> My T is using tough love-- I guess it helps-- although it's kind of disturbing. But I guess there has to be some love first-- and a lot of history-- before you can stomach the toughness when you already hate yourself.mmm..that'd be tough for me too. I hope there's enough love in that tough love
>
> I keep thinking there's got to be a better way-- but I do hope you and I can find our way through it. I've spend my life being unnoticed and screwing up and being second rate myself-- it's really really tough to take a stand against that in oneself.
>
> I think not blaming yourself might lighten it just a bit. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that even that is an important step.I don't know who else to blame.
thanks nadezda :-)
>
> Nadezda
Posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 14:54:07
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » obsidian, posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 11:20:17
> What helps me in similar situations is to recognize those feelings - when I do, then things suddenly fall into place and I realize "aha, I am in that place again."
I'm not sure what this place is.
> For me, I try to just hold on while I'm in the pit by doing self-care sorts of things, as if I am a kid home sick from school. It doesn't always work very easily but is good when it does. I find it hard to actually see people, and Babble is good for offering an alternative type of contact that is not face-to-face and therefore more easily tolerated during those times. I also make a list of those people who really love me and whose lives would be shattered if I weren't around anymore. Even if it's only one person, that is enough to keep me somewhat grounded.
I can't hurt myself, but my life also seems impossible at the moment.
>
> But if the feelings persist for any time - for me even a week would be enough to give me a
> "heads-up" - or get more severe than usual, then I'm on the phone with my pdoc talking medication.I'm thinking about calling my T, but I'm not really sure he can do anything right now for me. I have in some ways done this to myself.
Thanks lucie :-)
Posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 15:58:47
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » lucie lu, posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 14:54:07
> > What helps me in similar situations is to recognize those feelings - when I do, then things suddenly fall into place and I realize "aha, I am in that place again."
>
> I'm not sure what this place is.Sid-
For me, it is a a depressive state of pain, guilt, hoplessness, self-blame, self-loathing, pessimism etc. etc. Fortunately, due to meds and therapy, I am usually in a healthier place most of the time - not meaning always happy and positive but at least more healthy than not. I've learned to notice my symptoms - ways of thinking and feeling - that tell me that I'm starting to get back into that negative, depressive state. Sometimes just recognizing that it's my depression "talking" is enough to help keep me from listening to the self-defeating things it always says to me. But the appearance of this state and these symptoms also is a signal to me that I need help, from my T and/or my p/doc. So "that place" for me refers to a collection of symptoms, and their appearance is a signal that I need to get clinical help.> > For me, I try to just hold on while I'm in the pit by doing self-care sorts of things, as if I am a kid home sick from school. It doesn't always work very easily but is good when it does. I find it hard to actually see people, and Babble is good for offering an alternative type of contact that is not face-to-face and therefore more easily tolerated during those times. I also make a list of those people who really love me and whose lives would be shattered if I weren't around anymore. Even if it's only one person, that is enough to keep me somewhat grounded.
>
> I can't hurt myself, but my life also seems impossible at the moment.
> >
> > But if the feelings persist for any time - for me even a week would be enough to give me a
> > "heads-up" - or get more severe than usual, then I'm on the phone with my pdoc talking medication.
>
> I'm thinking about calling my T, but I'm not really sure he can do anything right now for me. I have in some ways done this to myself.
> Thanks lucie :-)You don't have to be blameless to receive help, and you deserve help even if you feel you contributed to the problem. Otherwise, believe me, doctor's offices would all be empty!
Try to be good to yourself. ((((((((((Sid))))))))))
Lucie
Posted by Sigismund on September 28, 2008, at 17:38:30
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » obsidian, posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 15:58:47
Random lonely thoughts following.....
Maybe there are lots of things we have trouble accepting, in which category can be how we are.
You know how easily children are embarrassed by their parents?
Could we be embarrassed by ourselves in much the same way?
(This is not very helpful because I have never been good at helping children to feel less embarrassed, except by learning to shut my trap.)
We find it so hard to let go.
Posted by onceupon on September 29, 2008, at 13:16:45
In reply to how do you deal with self hatred?, posted by obsidian on September 28, 2008, at 0:32:59
Personally? I feed it. With food. But since that's not the best coping mechanism, the second thing I'd suggest is talking about it. And then talking about it some more. (And I realize the irony in this coming from someone who doesn't talk about herself very well or often.) Seems that shame and self-hatred get less the more we put it out there and receive feedback that it just ain't so. For me it takes a lot of feedback though :)
Posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2008, at 17:04:41
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred?, posted by Sigismund on September 28, 2008, at 17:38:30
Sigi true so hard to let go. I also have this problem PJ
Posted by Sigismund on September 29, 2008, at 21:44:05
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » Sigismund, posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2008, at 17:04:41
I imagine, PJ, that if we could let go easily we would not be frightened of dying.
Posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2008, at 19:32:05
In reply to Re: how do you deal with self hatred? » Phillipa, posted by Sigismund on September 29, 2008, at 21:44:05
Sigi agree so what do we do? Love PJ
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