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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by sam K on September 25, 2008, at 17:03:26
all my mom cares about is the house. Repairing the house, adding to the house, etc whatever. Sometimes I get super mad and I hit things, and I am very strong (i lift alot and am in shape) so I put holes in doors and stuff. I cant help this anger sometimes, shes just very ignorant, and that makes me very angry. And she tells me Im annoying so I get very angry (and sad). Then I lose control for moments and break things. Then she FLIPS OUT!!!!!! I broke a pantry door (who cares that much) yesterday, then she went INSANE, and screamed how she hates me... :( I cant look at her the same anymore lately.. a deep sadness takes over.
It makes me so angry that all she cares about is a worthless door, instead of my life and feelings. A persons life is much more precious than a door.
Just earlier like 20 minutes ago, I told her how I dont like her lately, and she told me how she "used" to like me before I "screwed" her and my dad over because I had to be sent away for emotional/authority issues. And that was years ago. F*ck that..
Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 26, 2008, at 1:43:36
In reply to sorta sad (venting?), posted by sam K on September 25, 2008, at 17:03:26
Hi Sam,
It must be very hard living with such anger. Are you getting any help with this to help you keep it under control? I think there are things that can be done - things that you can do to help you from acting out on your anger. Is it possible for you and your mum to work together to find some treatment for this? Anger management, therapy, family therapy??
It sounds like a big part of your anger is to do with her reaction to you. Is it a vicious circle? You get angry, do something in your rage, she reacts negatively... which in turn makes you more angry and likely to do something again? When you're mad at her, do you feel a desire to break things because it upsets her? Almost to say to her... "hey look, you care about these doors, but you don't care about me!"
Perhaps there are things you can have that you can take your anger out on which won't end up upsetting your mum? E.g. old wood, a punch bag, a trash can...
I think a lot of people are house proud - it's not just 'things' - people attach emotions to these things. If you smash up her house, maybe she isn't just reacting to the broken doors but also to the experience of witnessing your anger, to the feeling that perhaps you might attack her. Her anger in response could well be her way of expressing a sense of helplessness, fear, sadness - also very human emotional reactions. Perhaps in a way you are both having similar feelings.
Maybe another way to look at it is to imagine if someone came to your room and smashed up your things - perhaps an object that has worth to you or that you are proud of. It probably took years for your mum to afford her own house and she took care in furnishing it etc. - so it is of great value and when someone destroys her things, in a way they are attacking her personally. If you work hard for something and another person then damages/destroys it, it is hurtful. Someone's house is usually a save haven for that person - I think your anger could be destroying your mum's sense of safety and personal space.
I'm sorry your mum says she hates you. I hope it was just a reaction in the heat of the moment (people say all sorts of things when they are angry and upset) - it could be good to try and talk to her when both of you feel calm and safe, or perhaps in the presence of a therapist.
I hope things get better for you and that your mum can get you the help you need.
Witti
Posted by muffled on September 26, 2008, at 14:05:12
In reply to sorta sad (venting?), posted by sam K on September 25, 2008, at 17:03:26
wow samk, sorry bout that, sounds hard.
I think witti said great things.
I hope you can get some counselling regarding this as its hard if not impossible for you to try and work thru this on your own.
Its a sad and abusive situation, so of course you are angry and sad.
Hope you can get some good help with this.
M
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