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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on August 29, 2008, at 22:11:35
Tough session yesterday, we did EMDR on my memories of my mom.(1st time) I had to pretend she was dead, because she is still a threat to me, so I had to pretend we were looking at her ashes. Because a body in a coffin could be her faking it, ashes , well are pretty sure she is dead. But the hard part was my brother was cremated too. Even my T's father and brother was cremated too, so my therapy with him must be hard sometimes.
I had to in my mind yell at her for killing my brother while doing EMDR. My throat and jaw hurt so bad. But I felt guilty for doing this, I felt hatred. I also felt a lot of sadness. I had trouble focusing on the EMDR, he had to keep me following. I can say I am no longer scared to cry in front of him.
At first he didn't want to do the EMDR on my mom because I didn't feel safe in real life from her. She can still come to my door and try to kill me or take my kids or kill any of us. This all sounds so unbelievable or something you only see in movies, but it is very real.
She has anti social disorder, both of my T's believe. She is a master manipulator, and had no conscience of hurting others or anything. He was afraid this would be too much for me and finally I told him he was frightening me because he was afraid I couldn't handle it. This was really the only hope I had to becoming better and now we aren't going to do it? Well we did it and all though hard, I made it through. I got a migraine again today through and got some meds from my doctor called in. My T patted me on the back as I left. His brother died not too long ago and he has had a brother die from sucide, so missing a sibling, he understands. He is a very sensitive person and I bring tears and anger to him, because of the what people has done tome, I see it, but I have to know he can handle himself.I also did it on the memories of my mom telling my brother she wishes he would have died at childbirth, that he was nothing to her. I told my T this wasn't as bad as some of the stuff she told us. I truly lived a nightmare, not many can understand the terror I lived. I am glad for that fact actually. I remember her tearing off legs of daddylong legs and telling me I was next. I think this EMDR is helping but it is hard on my body. I slept for 12 hours last night and woke up with a migraine.I have had cold sores on my lips since Tues and zits popping up ( i never had problems with zits even as a teenager) That is 3 so far in the past 3 weeks.
So I don't know why I am writing all of this, thank you for reading so far. This is all so very scary but I have to do it, I want to heal. I told my T in my last EMDR over positive stuff, was that I wanted to progress in my life instead of having the past interfere with me succeeding.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 30, 2008, at 7:18:36
In reply to Therapy on my mother, posted by lemonaide on August 29, 2008, at 22:11:35
Lemonaide, ask your T if the book that I'm reading might be of any help to you. It's called "Forgiving the Unforgivable". I don't want to push it on you if he thinks it's inappropriate, but it sounds like it's right on the money.
Please take care.
I decided to get some energy healing treatment for the effects that I'm dealing with from my PTSD - acupuncture, chiropractic (I think you are doing that already) and this practioner does laying on of hands. Yesterday's treatment left me feeling parched (!!) which I didn't expect; had a huge headache, and my back hurt; but this next morning I'm feeling clearer.
I think that it takes many different paths to find the one that works for us as individuals. And I think that we can't give the mind-body connection enough attention - your head is hurting and your skin is erupting because of the emotions that are the exact same thing inside you. You can honor your body's reactions by being as gentle as you can in how you treat yourself. You are literally reliving the trauma every time you recall it - your body does not know the difference between an experience and the memory of one. So take care of yourself. It does get better.
pc
Posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 10:12:47
In reply to Re: Therapy on my mother » lemonaide, posted by Partlycloudy on August 30, 2008, at 7:18:36
Thanks for responding PC,
I will have to check out the book, I do a lot of reading and my T knows, in fact a lot of our discussions are around some of the books I am reading. Lately I have been into serial killer books (non fiction), I am trying to understand my mom. What I have discover is that there is no way to understand someone like her. She isn't like most of us, she doesn't feel anything, guilt, remorse.
I am still going to my chiro visits, I can't do accue right now since it is so expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it.
It makes sense the mind body connection, and reexperiencing the trauma. I think I am getting more gray and wrinkles too. lol
Thanks for your support. You take care too.
Posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 10:14:13
In reply to Re: Therapy on my mother » lemonaide, posted by Partlycloudy on August 30, 2008, at 7:18:36
Posted by susan47 on August 31, 2008, at 12:32:14
In reply to above post for (nm) » Partlycloudy, posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 10:14:13
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, (((((lemonaide))))
This is the end of the thread.
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