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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on August 26, 2008, at 13:10:45
Today I jumped on my T and said I wanted to do EMDR. We were starting to do that nervous chit chat that feels good, but just makes me feel like I wasted a session with avoidense.
He wanted to try something different this time. He wanted to know the most recent thing when my mom made me upset. I couldn't think of anything then. I mentioned something she did back in 2000 and we did EMDR on that. It got into some issues, my jaw was achy and my throat felt closed up with a lump in it. I couldn't swallow, felt like I was suffocating. Then I am talking more about what came up,
But then I said, dugh, how about that fact that the child abuse my mom did to my brother in fact ended up killing him back in Nov. Then the physical feeling got very intense and I slumped down in my chair. How could I forgot this? It was so recent. He said it was a way to protect myself in my current world.But our time was up so we couldn't proceed. But he saw the intense emotions bottled up, and wanted to have me contain them in a container till next time. At first I thought he wanted me to put my mother in the container, and I said the only container I would feel safe is when she is in her coffin, 6 ft under.
But he meant my feelings, so we tried EMDR imagining me putting my feelings in a container. But just thinking of those feelings, made it impossible, because I was getting angrier and more tense. So I said this is not working, can I just think of happy thoughts? I am good at hiding those horrible thoughts.
So I did, and he said he thinks my ability to do that is what kept me sane as a child and as an adult.
I feel like I need a nap now. Is there anger inside of me, I think so because those physical senations that come up for me during EMDR, tells me something. No wonder I have problems. How can one not be angry at being abused? I guess someday I will not be so reactive to it. My jaw hurts writing this right now thinking about it. I think I clench my teeth when I am upset. dugh I just need to cry.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 26, 2008, at 17:52:32
In reply to How could I forgot?, posted by lemonaide on August 26, 2008, at 13:10:45
One of the things that has helped me has been guided imagery. When I was a teenager I did some hypnotherapy to deal with my migraine headache pain (I was getting them several times a week). I find that the soothing setting I was able to come up with I can still use today, 30 years (gahh!!! I am SO OLD!!) with great effect.
Some people find affirmations are more useful than guided imagery - but finding the tool that will work for you may help you ease your way through this difficult journey.
My throat gets incredibly tight when I face Truths in my life - truths that other people don't want to listen to. Just because something is factual and true doesn't make it easy to say - or easy for the accuser to hear (or necessarily good for them to hear; sometimes it can be harmful for us to speak). It's not unusual for those of us who have suffered from abuse to have trouble with our throats when confronted with our traumas. (I found this interesting, and I work on this area in my yoga practice - it seems to help. I'll try anything.)
I am s-l-o-w-l-y working my way through the book "Forgiving the Unforgivable", and it's a very good tool for me at this time. I really resisted even getting it in the first place - forgiveness??!! How can I even think of it? But, eventually, I may be able to. At least I am reading about it, and that in itself is a healing process.
take care, you had a rough day.
PartlyCloudy
Posted by stellabystarlight on August 26, 2008, at 20:56:21
In reply to How could I forgot?, posted by lemonaide on August 26, 2008, at 13:10:45
Hi Lemonaide,
I wish I could write an articulate and helpful post for you, but I'm overwhelmed by everthing in my life (good and bad) right now and feel unable to do so. I usually don't like to respond when I'm withdrawn, but I want you to know that I do feel the depth of your pain. I'll just give you a big (((((((Lemonaide)))))))) for now...
BTW, it was nice to share a laugh with you yesterday. You seem like a fun person to hang out with as well.
Take good care of yourself.
Stellabystarlight
Posted by FindingMyDesire on August 26, 2008, at 22:20:18
In reply to How could I forgot?, posted by lemonaide on August 26, 2008, at 13:10:45
Dear lemonaide,
I can see why you would be tired after that! Wow, I hope that you are being super extra wonderful to yourself right now.Thinking of you.
Posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:42:23
In reply to Re: How could I forgot? » lemonaide, posted by Partlycloudy on August 26, 2008, at 17:52:32
WOw, PC,I never knew my physical feelings were something that is common with abuse suffers. My jaw even hurts still today and now I have cold soars on my lips, zits popping out all over my face, and I ache all over too. I don't know if it has to do with getting into trauma stuff or not. We had to stop in the middle of the EMDR too, so maybe that is it too. I just don't know but I feel like I am so sensitive physically and feel like I am on the verge of falling apart mentally.
My dreams are weird, but not traumatic. Maybe I should call me T.
Posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:50:23
In reply to Re: How could I forgot? » lemonaide, posted by stellabystarlight on August 26, 2008, at 20:56:21
Oh, stella are very welcomed and it is nice to know you care. I am normally a fun lovin' person in real life, I used to be Happyflower for a reason, even Dr. Bob said, You are a happyflower! after we met for the first time. But now I am just trying to hang on, so thanks for the hugs.
Posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:51:09
In reply to Re: How could I forgot?, posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:50:23
Posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:53:35
In reply to Re: How could I forgot?, posted by FindingMyDesire on August 26, 2008, at 22:20:18
Thanks,
I am still feeling exhausted, thank for you support, I appreciate it.
Posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:57:52
In reply to How could I forgot?, posted by lemonaide on August 26, 2008, at 13:10:45
I left a message too to tell him what was going on and if it was okay to see him again this week. I dont' know if all the physical stuff is due to stress of the Tues. session. All I know is that I feel awful. It is even hard to eat for comfort because the cold sores on my lips are big and it hurts like heck. I never even had zits as a teenager, and now my face looks aweful, whiteheads, I look like a mess, all puffy faced. Maybe I am really sick.
I just really needs some support right now, I just feel like I can't hold myself together.
Posted by susan47 on August 29, 2008, at 13:36:42
In reply to I got an appointment for tomorrow, posted by lemonaide on August 27, 2008, at 16:57:52
> I left a message too to tell him what was going on and if it was okay to see him again this week. I dont' know if all the physical stuff is due to stress of the Tues. session. All I know is that I feel awful. It is even hard to eat for comfort because the cold sores on my lips are big and it hurts like heck. I never even had zits as a teenager, and now my face looks aweful, whiteheads, I look like a mess, all puffy faced. Maybe I am really sick.
> I just really needs some support right now, I just feel like I can't hold myself together.Support? Here you are. My face (and I'm an old lady of 51) still gets those things on it and I despair of ever having a clear complexion, but they say oily skin looks younger longer so maybe there's a plus in there.....I'm sorry you're going through so much stress right now. Maybe try a hot bath with about 8 cups of Epsom salts .. you can get it in bulk from mercantile supply places ... it's wonderfully relaxing for body and soul...
Posted by rskontos on August 29, 2008, at 17:05:36
In reply to Re: I got an appointment for tomorrow, posted by susan47 on August 29, 2008, at 13:36:42
You know when your thyroid is out you can get acne. I just found out my thyroid is on the fritz and I have been feeling so badly. It also can cause depression and a whole lots of bad things. Aches and pains, well because it regulates loads of hormones necessary for the health of most organs.
My take is this, we go along for a while dealing with this stuff, and then wham it all descends on us, stresses us out, causes problems with not only our minds but bodies too. Then doctors don't check everything out because I know for me, I have been eating badly because I was sick for a while and then I lost my appetite due to topamax and now I have never really recovered it so I can go forever without eating. And I think it has totally screwed things up metabolically and then that effects the mind even more.
It is all a cycle. So Lemonaide, I think some extensive blood is in order too. Not just to blame it on the mental because at some point it will all take its toll on the body and then you have to have more help than you thought. I am finding that out.
And not just the standard tests will do. I found a place called Integrative Health and they are running a whole battery of tests that any doc can do, in fact a doc runs this place and why all doctors don't I don't get it. But I just know that all the mental stress of reliving all that we went through will eventually takes its TOLL and then you have real physical problems too.take care Lemonaide,
remember the mind and body are closely connected. What affects one will affect the other!rsk
Posted by susan47 on August 30, 2008, at 12:34:12
In reply to Re: I got an appointment for tomorrow, posted by rskontos on August 29, 2008, at 17:05:36
The low thyroid sounds like a good place to start an investigation. I think I will have to do that too what with my Prozac and Risperidone and the occasional Ativan and I certainly don't eat well or regularly, I'm often cold, my feet hurt a fair amount and my hands get really cold. I guess those could be due to low thyroid too, and the depression.
Posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 12:47:06
In reply to lemonaide, posted by susan47 on August 30, 2008, at 12:34:12
Yep and you can check your basal body temp, if it hovers constantly below 97 then your thyroid could be wacky. My temperature has always been low around 97. But lately well in the last couple of years, I can't take the cold like I could before and I am cold even in the house when the air is set at 75. My hands and feet get cold, like now. I am on thyroid meds now and feel somewhat better. But with how long my numbers were it might take some time. I am trying to eat better now. I got a book to help me stay on track. I need a guide. I do have a little more energy now. I get my thyroid levels checked again next week and go back to the doc for the remaining test results the following week.
Good luck. For me it has helped to know it is not all mental that there is a physical component to all of this not feeling great.
rsk
To check the body temperature you are suppose to check prior to getting out of bed, and then several times after. And then do that a couple of mornings to see if you are constantly running a lower temp. I know I do because everytime I go to the doc they ask me if I have a low grade temp and I say it is always 97 or so. 97.2 sometimes. But mostly in the 97 range. My sister's son has a temp of 96.5 most of the time. He is extra skinny. But he is most likely hyperthyroid as my daughter is too but they haven't been checked yet. My daughter's metabolic rate was checked due to her anti-conv meds were never in the therapuetic range and they knew she was taking a high dosage for her age, weight etc and they concluded her body just burned through her meds too quickly and they couldn't bump her up anymore as she is too thin.
Again, good luck. Don't wait too long. I wish I had gone in a year and 1/2 ago when my doc friend tried to get me too!!! I could have been feeling better sooner.
rsk
Posted by susan47 on August 30, 2008, at 13:10:42
In reply to Re: lemonaide, posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 12:47:06
Okay, thanks for the info I will get checked out. It sounds pretty likely, for me. Man, it would be good to feel better!!
Posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 13:13:48
In reply to Re: lemonaide, posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 12:47:06
Hey, thanks you two, I am due for a blood work up for various of reasons. But I have had throid problems about 13 years ago after I gave birth do my daughter. I think I took something called synthroid and it really helped me so much. But eventually levels returned to normal and the med was making me feel high, so I was taken off.
Sorry it took so long to respond, I just saw the responses. Thanks so much, I will talk to my doctor. : -)
Posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 13:27:49
In reply to **************Susan and RK************************, posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 13:13:48
Well, you know it could be wacky again. I am taking a synthetic thyroid med now. It is helping. Plus trying to eat more and better. I started a new exercise program too. Plus I am thinking of taking some classes in the spring. I am trying to do things to get me some focus. To do something besides not clean my house and get out of the house. I stay at home alone way too much.
Anyway, I hope you both feel better. I think I am on the road to feeling better. I am anemic too which can be caused by thyroid issues. I am on a iron complex supplement but that takes around three months to build your blood levels back up. And I am taking a vitamin D supplement as my vitamin was super low.
I was a mess. And if I have any hormone levels out well no wonder I had trouble getting out of bed. My doc said just one of the three I mentioned was enough to cause staying in bed and to think I was dealing with three issues.
Anyway, I am resolved to living better.
rsk
Well trying to anyway.
Posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 13:34:53
In reply to Re: **************Susan and RK************************ » lemonaide, posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 13:27:49
wow, Rk, you sound so much more positive and I think that is great. All those things to help you help you. I think eventually we all need to do what is best for us. It is up to us to make things good for us I believe.
I love school, it helped bring me out of my shell and feel good working that big muscle the brain. What kind of classes are you thinking of taking?
I will be sure to call my doctor after the holiday and get a workup done on everything. At least the depression is much better. I actually feel better more than I feel worse which is a huge improvement. I am excited for you.
Posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 13:54:43
In reply to Re: **************Susan and RK************************, posted by lemonaide on August 30, 2008, at 13:34:53
Well, I have applied to the psychology dept at a nearby University. Since I already have a degree it will be to either get a second one or get the prereq and then apply to graduate school. I haven't decided which seems to be the best route. But not to be a t. I took a personality test with a fairly distinguished doctor here and he thinks I would be better in research than therapy. I agree. I have a field I really like but I am not sure I want to go that long. I will see.
I have good days and bad days. I am trying to have better days more often.
I will try to post more details about the T situation which is the thing I am struggling with most. But I haven't been able to post about it. It is the thing that has gotten me the most upset.
anyway, i am trying.
I hate how I feel and look so I am trying to change that for now. One area at a time. Then I will work on school and t next.
rsk
Posted by susan47 on August 31, 2008, at 12:47:25
In reply to Re: **************Susan and RK************************ » lemonaide, posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 13:27:49
Well, I stay at home alone way too much as well, and going out is a big effort unless it's to the garbage or compost dump. Even grocery shopping feels like a huge effort.
I'm also going through menopause although the hot flashes are pretty much gone.
I hope life gets better. I'll have my thyroid checked next week.
Thanks so very much for your help.
Posted by susan47 on August 31, 2008, at 12:51:06
In reply to Re: **************Susan and RK************************, posted by rskontos on August 30, 2008, at 13:54:43
Posted by rskontos on August 31, 2008, at 14:05:56
In reply to Let's all live better » rskontos, posted by susan47 on August 31, 2008, at 12:47:25
I am close to menopause I feel like. An occasionally hot flash I think. Like today. I too have a hard time going to the grocery store. Even cleaning the house takes a monumental effort. I like to do nothing. That doesn't take much effort. LOL
And it will be hard to take classes. I know but maybe getting out will help. It does give me some hope so I think it might be something worthwhile. I need something that helps me feel better about me and this might be it or I might be fooling myself.
Sometimes T has more hope for me than I do and I can't see myself through his eyes. I try like h@ll to dump him but he won't let me.
Anyway, I am a trying.
I do like the new exercise thing. I am awaiting the DVD. So far I have been doing it through youtube.
Good luck with the testing. I will let you guys know what the rest of my tests tell me.
rsk
And you are welcome for the help and I too am always here if even I don't post for periods. Just a shout out away.
This is the end of the thread.
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