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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
I guess this belongs with one of my other threads, but I've sort of mixed them all together so I'm just starting new. I hope thats okay.
After a huge amount of back and forth, and even calling once last night to cancel but hanging up before leaving a message, I did end up driving and seeing old T today. I finally decided that if current T cant even offer me an appt Mon, let alone my regular spot that she filled, then forget her... she cant tell me what to do regarding this and I'll do what I want.
I'm SO glad I went. It was the right decision. The old oldT was still there.. she still cared about me and was still as helpful as I remembered her being. I felt like I got more out of today than I have in a month or more of therapy with current T recently. I went in planning to not talk about issues with current T because I didnt want to seem like I was pitting them against each other. It came up and I said that to old T who basically said no, this is your time, talk about what you want. So we did. She totally validated how I'm feeling with current T and we talked about options.. staying with current T or moving on.. etc. I told her how unheard I feel and she referred to it by saying I'm turning cartwheels trying to get her to notice me, and she's not seeing it. That's exactly it. She got it and that felt so good.
I'd never had 50 minutes go by so fast. At the end, she asked if it was helpful and I said yes but there was so much more. She asked if I wanted to come back again to finish the discussion. I said yes so we scheduled for next week again, since current T cant see me anyway. Old T said it's hard for her to sit there with me and not offer to see me again because she really enjoys seeing me. Felt very good. I thought of Dinah and her story about feeling like a "Jessica". It feels so good.
I'm feeling very refreshed. Seeing old T regularly, instead of current T, might just need to happen, regardless of the expense/driving time. I love current T, but what I get from old T is SO much more that the extra money etc might be worth it. We'll see.
I'm not planning on telling current T that I saw old T. She wont be happy and will want to talk about it for 50 hours. I dont normally lie, but I feel okay about it, this time.
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2008, at 19:04:51
In reply to I saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
I would, and did, see my therapist even at considerable driving distances. It was far preferable to seeing someone else.
What is the distance and expense differential?
Posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 19:11:31
In reply to Re: I saw old T today » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on August 13, 2008, at 19:04:51
It's a 2 hour drive, not taking account the very bad rush hour close to her office (she's near DC) at the typical times. She generally charges $115/hr I believe but has allowed me to pay $75 so far... not sure if that would continue if I became a regular client or if I'd need to pay more. Even so, I only pay $33 right now so that's a big jump for me. Plus the cost of gas to do a 4 hour round trip drive. And last but not least, I work 8-5 and she only sees clients 9-4. I could work a flex schedule where I did a half-day one day per week and worked 8-6 (or something) the other days to account for that, but a 9am appt would force me to leave home around 6am to account for the rush hour into the city. A 4pm appt would be better for rush hour, but due to the nature of my job, once you're there, you often get sucked into emergencies etc and cant leave. I dont want to get charged for appts I never go to. Overall, it's do-able, but difficult. Is it worth it? I dont know.
Posted by caraher on August 13, 2008, at 21:16:57
In reply to Re: I saw old T today » Dinah, posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 19:11:31
You can't shop for therapists by price if there's any chance of affording the one you need.
I went around and around about this with myself and paid $100, later $110 weekly out-of-pocket as a grad student (and parent) for several years. But I got something in return. I could have seen someone else for $20-$30 a session - better deal, right? But not if it's not the right therapist.
I know money doesn't grow on trees. But your life is even more precious. Living in misery because it's cheaper is a poor bargain!
Posted by meme3842 on August 14, 2008, at 0:03:39
In reply to I saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
I'm glad you went. It sounds like it was exactly what you needed. If she understands what you are going through with your current therapist, then that is something worth thinking about. I hope your discussion next week will help you sort out whether to stay with current therapist or to move on.
Posted by healing928 on August 14, 2008, at 10:28:16
In reply to I saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
From my experience with t's, I believe when there is a connection we may have to make sacrifices to continue with that therapist. I believe good therapists are hard to find because they are rare, and then it is personalities and finding the right fit. Someone may be a good t, and have the good therapeutic intentions but there isnt a connection.
Im sorry you are going through a difficult time regarding ts. I have been there. Since it is a strain n your work schedule, not to mention the financial increase, maybe continue seeing your old t and explore your options with her
Posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2008, at 13:00:51
In reply to Re: I saw old T today » wishingstar, posted by healing928 on August 14, 2008, at 10:28:16
I agree found one once and was doing better years ago moved and wished I'd stayed and worked with him. Haven't found anyone since who is seeing patients. Go for it Phillipa
Posted by Lemonaide on August 14, 2008, at 16:27:31
In reply to I saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
Hi wishing star,
I so glad you had a wonderful visit with her, I can tell she things the world of you too. Maybe if you can afford seeing her one a month instead of your current T, it might be better anyway. You deserve the best, take care.
Posted by wishingstar on August 16, 2008, at 21:42:13
In reply to Re: I saw old T today » wishingstar, posted by Lemonaide on August 14, 2008, at 16:27:31
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone so much for responding to me on this. I've been feeling pretty depressed this weekend and not really able to respond more meaningfully right now, but I will.. hopefully tomorrow. Thanks everyone, its really appreciated.
Posted by wishingstar on August 17, 2008, at 11:43:12
In reply to Re: I saw old T today, posted by caraher on August 13, 2008, at 21:16:57
Sorry for taking so long to post a real reply. I really appreciate all the responses on this... it's a hard situation for me and you all gave me some validation/things to think about that really help.
I go back to see Old T on Wed. I have an appt with current T on Thurs but I'm planning to cancel it for a few reasons.. because I'm annoyed she gave away my Monday slot, because I'll already be missing a lot of work Wed to see Old T, and because 2 appts in 1 week is expensive. Plus, I'm going to need the time after seeing Old T to process again I think. I'm not planning on telling current T that I saw Old T. Bad, I know, but she didnt want me to go for other reasons (thought it'd be bad for me) that I dont agree with, and I dont really want to discuss it for 30 min with her. I dont think it's unhealthy avoidance.. I think there are more important issues to talk about with her really.
I think seeing Old T on Wed will help me decide what to do. Going once a month really wouldnt be enough for me right now.. I'm not terribly depressed but I am struggling with eating disorder/weight loss issues. Bi-weekly might be possible. I've thought about it and it would be possible to change my work schedule to allow me to see her without taking leave every week, and financially I guess I could swing it... it'd be hard and not ideal, but I guess I could. I'm going to explore that with Old T on Wed.
I have some fears about going back to Old T full-time, aside from the drive/financial issues. I'm afraid of the attachment that I know would develop quite quickly. I'm attached to current T, but would be much more so to Old T if I went back. Old T doesnt allow our relationship to become semi-friendship-ish, like current T does, and some of my "games" wouldnt fly anymore. I know that's a good thing, but it's scary. Old T put it well last week when she said that to switch from current T, I'd be losing a friend but gaining a therapist. That's a bit of an exageration, but it's the right idea, and it's scary. I isolate a lot and do get some things out of current T as "friend" that I'd miss. My logical mind knows of course how silly and illogical that sounds. If I went to grow and improve, I dont need a paid friend. But I'd miss it a lot. Venting and getting a "real person" reaction (as opposed to a therapist reaction) has benefits too. I also have some odd feelings about having Old T so far away, if I switched.. she has no idea about resources etc in my area. Even though I dont see/talk with current T during the week, it helps to know she's here, in town, not so far away. I dont know why. The area I live in is semi-rural and old T is in the heart of a large city right outside DC. It'd take explaining for her to "get" how my lifestyle and the culture here is different now from what it used to be/what she experiences every day. Current T gets that. Current T is so much safer, in many ways.
I also worry about telling current T I was switching back to Old T. Why? I worry about hurting current Ts feelings. I like current T a lot. Stupid, huh? But I do.
Also, I know that a few months with Old T would convince me to break up with my boyfriend. I KNOW it's the right thing to do, and I have for awhile, but current T doesnt quite see that. I know Old T would see it in a heartbeat and I couldnt keep lying to myself. Then I'd be even more lost.. he is really the only person, aside from coworkers, I have regular social contact with.
I'm really just thinking aloud here, but if anyone has any thoughts, please do share. It helps a lot. I'll post again on Wednesday after I see old T again.
Posted by caraher on August 17, 2008, at 20:37:26
In reply to Re: I saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on August 17, 2008, at 11:43:12
I think "old T" can handle the rural Virginia lifestyle, etc. And you can read in your own words how unhelpful it is to continue to see "current T" for friendship, on several levels, not least of which is paying for therapy you're not getting. You're much better going for the real deal every other week than going every week and getting no therapy at all out of it.
As for your boyfriend situation, I understand your worry that right now he is your whole social life and that you'd lose this. But I think this is one of those perhaps rare relationships that could actually be dialed back to "just friends." And there's no reason at all you can't meet other people (both for friendship and "more"). You haven't known him from birth, right?
Posted by wishingstar on August 20, 2008, at 21:08:11
In reply to Re: I saw old T today, posted by caraher on August 17, 2008, at 20:37:26
This is the end of the thread.
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