Posted by wishingstar on August 13, 2008, at 18:09:17
I guess this belongs with one of my other threads, but I've sort of mixed them all together so I'm just starting new. I hope thats okay.
After a huge amount of back and forth, and even calling once last night to cancel but hanging up before leaving a message, I did end up driving and seeing old T today. I finally decided that if current T cant even offer me an appt Mon, let alone my regular spot that she filled, then forget her... she cant tell me what to do regarding this and I'll do what I want.
I'm SO glad I went. It was the right decision. The old oldT was still there.. she still cared about me and was still as helpful as I remembered her being. I felt like I got more out of today than I have in a month or more of therapy with current T recently. I went in planning to not talk about issues with current T because I didnt want to seem like I was pitting them against each other. It came up and I said that to old T who basically said no, this is your time, talk about what you want. So we did. She totally validated how I'm feeling with current T and we talked about options.. staying with current T or moving on.. etc. I told her how unheard I feel and she referred to it by saying I'm turning cartwheels trying to get her to notice me, and she's not seeing it. That's exactly it. She got it and that felt so good.
I'd never had 50 minutes go by so fast. At the end, she asked if it was helpful and I said yes but there was so much more. She asked if I wanted to come back again to finish the discussion. I said yes so we scheduled for next week again, since current T cant see me anyway. Old T said it's hard for her to sit there with me and not offer to see me again because she really enjoys seeing me. Felt very good. I thought of Dinah and her story about feeling like a "Jessica". It feels so good.
I'm feeling very refreshed. Seeing old T regularly, instead of current T, might just need to happen, regardless of the expense/driving time. I love current T, but what I get from old T is SO much more that the extra money etc might be worth it. We'll see.
I'm not planning on telling current T that I saw old T. She wont be happy and will want to talk about it for 50 hours. I dont normally lie, but I feel okay about it, this time.
poster:wishingstar
thread:846004
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/846004.html